my hubby won't cook clean do diy help with the baby won't wash the pots unless i nag leves dirty pots about and will not chuck his papers away for weeks i love him but he drives me potty some times .yes he is a mummys boy and never had to do anything at home his mum did his washing even when he moved out!!!
2006-11-13 03:02:21 · 17 answers · asked by makemesmile 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he can't cook by the way he used to live on ready meals
2006-11-13 03:32:48 · update #1
you don't understand i wash cars do the lawn ect
2006-11-13 19:49:33 · update #2
Mine is 52 and the same. It makes me mad after 25 years. There is no answer.Your only salvation is to teach your kid when it is older some basic skills and get them to help like I have my son.
It is especially hard when I had a Dad (born 1916) who could cook, iron, wash up, do DIY, cut hair, went every week shopping with Mum and nursed my sick Mum for 7 years before she died. He also loved playing with us kids and he was a only child so that wasn't his excuse.
2006-11-13 03:46:40 · answer #1 · answered by mother sensible 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really something you should have noticed before you were married. However, it's not too late to train an old dog with some new tricks. Tell him that when you married you did not bargain for being his mother. You are his WIFE. That means PARTNER. Partners SHARE responsibility. You didn't say if you work outside the home. If you do, he should be sharing everything equally. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you should be caring for the house and kids during the day, but when he gets home he should at least agree to help with something to give you a break. If you cook, he can load the dishwasher. If you do the wash, he can put it away. He can do the lawn work, take out the trash and give the baby a bath, too. He ought to be helping with the baby in order to BOND with his child! Some men aren't good with infants. You can help him, by letting him just give the baby a bottle of juice or water and letting him play with the baby for 15 minutes at a time while you take a bath. Tell him that if he doesn't start helping, you will be too exhausted by bedtime (hint), and that you'd really like to have enough energy then to please you both. If he still doesn't "get it" then you need to get to a marriage counselor for help.
2006-11-13 03:15:50 · answer #2 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose he assumed that the cleaning fairies came in overnight to do everything whilst you both slept?!
He needs a short, sharp kick up the backside!
If he won't do the dishes then don't cook for him, just see to yourself and the baby.
Anything that he leaves lying around for weeks at a time is rubbish and will be treated as such - i.e BIN IT. If he can't be bothered to sort out what he wants to keep and find a place for it to live then you can't be bothered trying to distinguish what is rubbish and what isn't. If he leaves stuff lying around, ask him ONCE to move it or dispose of it - if he doesn't comply then out it goes (regardless of what it is) he'll soon get the message if he doesn't want half of his belongings in the wheelie bin!
You could also try a complete strike (but this might tip YOU over the edge if he still continues to leave the place in a mess) You can't beat the look on a man's face when he goes in the underwear drawer to find it empty....nor the pang of disappointment when he sees that you and the baby have eaten and goes into the kitchen to fetch his non existant tea. If you can trust him to look after the baby properly, as soon as he gets in, go out and leave him to it. He'll soon find out how much you have to contend with and just how much responsibility falls on your toes. Hopefully, after experiencing the crappy end of the stick, he might be more inclined to do his share!
Unfortunately, mummy has made a rod for your back and it is up to you to point out that you are not his "mother-with-benefits" and that it is about time that he stepped up to the plate and shared the responsibilities of having a family and a home.
Good Luck!
2006-11-13 03:34:07 · answer #3 · answered by Witchywoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its probably because u have been spoiling him by doing all the work !
you just need to sit him down and tell him that honestly you cant handle all this work - esp with the baby and all that - tell him its a team work to bring up a baby and run a household and you cant do it on your own.
request him to start with small jobs and ask him - what the jobs he would be interested in if he helps you, dont burden him with things he hates doing. eg some guys hate washing dishes but dont mind cooking so much - so see what he will happily volunteer to take
your hubby needs a bit of a talk through. maybe you should tell him to imagine what it would be like to be you.
good luck
2006-11-13 03:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by GorGeous_Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to marriage. This is very common. Not all women are lucky enough to find a man who waits on us hand and foot or helps around the house. I have the same problem, even though he helps with the kids when he gets home from work. If you need more advice, look at my profile, and look at my questions. I asked one like this not long ago. Maybe it will help. But my advice to you is to clean for yourself and your baby, but stop cleaning after him(i.e. his laundry, etc...). Maybe he will get the hint. Good luck! :)
2006-11-13 03:20:38 · answer #5 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been together. It sounds like you've been mothering him as well.
Tell him you need help in the house and make a roster. If he has specific regular tasks it is more likely to do it.
If he doesn't. Make some excuse and leave him to have to cope for a couple of days.
2006-11-13 03:07:35 · answer #6 · answered by sleekwalrus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is whay my wife did to me, and not because I was spoiled, but because I was just oblivious. She sat everybody down and we worked out a list (we have teenagers) of what we were all going to do. If it was done, the kids got to do nothing fun until it was, and she withheld sex from me. However, when I did everything I was supposed to, she let me have all I wanted in the bed. Might work. . . . .
2006-11-13 03:05:08 · answer #7 · answered by TrainerMan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I'm 32 and all the serious girlfriends I've had have been th opposite, none of them could cook, all but one never wanted to clean or do washing (their mums used to do it for them) maybe opposites attract.
2006-11-13 04:03:01 · answer #8 · answered by crownose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your getting a rough deal give him some of his own medicine. no sex and go out when he gets home. but tell him if you have had enough. take your stuff to the laundry and leave his alone. go and stay with a relative or a friend fora week or two
2006-11-13 05:22:00 · answer #9 · answered by rphilsell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Express to him how you feel w/o yelling or nagging... and if that doesn't work stop doing the work yourself and he might see that you need help.
Possibly make a schedule of who does what & which nights?
2006-11-13 03:07:52 · answer #10 · answered by eric_aixelsyd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋