Lesbian teacher?

Question

Hi, I am a lesbian and a teacher. I am completely closeted at work. In the staff room there are always lots of comments that are negative and anti-gay - out of ignorance and fear I think, not hate. For example, the other day one of my colleagues had a student call another student a "faggy girl." My colleague told him that it isn't an insult to call a guy a girl, that there is nothing wrong with being a girl. Good right? Then he added "gay on the other hand..." and laughed!! I don't want to out myself and make my life harder, any other suggestions as to what I can do to make my workplace a better spot? Please, some of you are hatefilled, I already know that, so there is no need to post things telling me to change my "choice" or stop teaching your kids. Only serious responses please.

Too Moose...And I should care why?
Too all of you, I have no attraction whatsoever to children. I think child abuse is deviant and will be pnished in some form or another (law or after death). And I would never teach students that one way is right and another wrong. I would however tell them to be who they are and to love and accept themselves and others for what they are and what they believe.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you aren't getting much support here. This is a difficult situation. You could say something like, "my girlfriend would find that really offensive!" Just kidding :) Unless you actually come out no one will know for certain that you are gay. So just try to be tactful. You could say that your uncle is gay (or some other relative or friend) and that you find his comments to be offensive. Or that you feel it is inappropriate for the teacher to be expressing a view on homosexuallity one way or the other. Tell him that as teachers you should neither advocate nor condem being gay. I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Perhaps it would help to bring the situation to the teacher's union or the board of education. This kind of talk creates a hostile environment for both students and teachers, which is something that should be avoided, especially in an educational environment. While it's hard enough for you to deal with as an adult teacher, it's potentially even worse for young people struggling with their sexual identity and trying to figure out if they'll be accepted or not. You don't necessarily have to tattle on your colleague, but maybe mention that you are concerned that there is a potentially hostile environment and you are worried about how this could affect the students, including the fact that they may be getting the idea that it's acceptable to harass or bully homosexual students.

Answer 3

I would look at him and raise my eyebrow. "Is there anything WRONG with that? I would like to hear this." and wait for his response. They're going to find out sooner or later. It obviously bothers you because they're rude! They laugh because it's a student, and in their general opinion, students aren't "truly" gay until they're adults and "decide" to become that way. They just don't realize that human attraction can't be helped, no matter how old you are when you realize this. Ask him. Ask "Is being gay or a lesbian truly as bad as you say it is? It's like you being a teacher in an all girl school. What's not to say that you'll start sexually harrassing those students, but we'd take your word that you're a good guy and would keep your manners. You just can't say that there's anything wrong with gay people. They aren't predators or unusual. In FACT... they're all around you sometimes." Just give him a look and walk out of the room. Leave him puzzled and surprised. With an intellegent response like that and proving what a great teacher you are without being a "stalker'' or a "predator", they'll both understand AND like you. You just have to show where you stand, as far as your sexuality is concerned. I have gay and lesbian friends who work the public education system, so I know how that is, and most of them have already outted themselves with no problems.

Be a brave strong woman. I think it will turn out ok. IM me on aim anytime. mostwhitecracker (eh, it's a joke nick), if you ever need advice or to talk. :-)

Answer 4

I think that what you CAN do is to not tolerate stuff from your students, and you CAN tell your colleagues that you don't find certain things funny. If it comes down to making up a gay friend / relative on who's behalf you're speaking, go with it. I'm not entirely sure that making your views known will be terribly less problematic than full-on coming out (I'm sure there will be resistance and some negative consequences), but it is possible to believe in social justice issues for gay people without yourself being gay.

I don't know what grade levels you teach, but especially once things start getting into junior high / highschool, you could point out that there may very well be students who are struggling with a GLB sexuality and that your colleagues' comments could be hurtful, as well as the fact that they make you uncomfortable.

Answer 5

It really saddens me that the homophobes are already poisoning the next generation with their bigotry. I really don't have any good advice, just when you hear of such things happening be sure that the child receives a more appropriate discipline and isn't let to just get away with it. Coming out of the closet could very well just end up costing you your job.

Then again you should stand up for what you believe in. To many people have been driven into the closet by bigots and if we keep letting them then it will only get worse. Still like I said it's a tough issue, but whether you come out to your colleagues or not make sure that you don't let them get away with ignorant and psychologically damaging behavior like you described. There's no reason that their fears or misunderstanding should be spread to the next generation.

Answer 6

That Moose guy is weird!!! And stupid! Well, at least i got a good laugh out of it. Anyway, I can't understand why students or faculty can get away with this stuff. I would not want a straight person who tolerates bigotry teaching my child. I think you should def. have a meeting with someone (principal) and explain that you will not tolerate the ignorance anymore. Also, the ACLU is a great organization to get involved with. They don't support any hatred toward homosexuality in the education system.

Answer 7

I am a straight woman, But I Have very strong opinions of gays and gay rights. I feel ALL people deserve the right to be happy and healthy in their life. The people who are around me just know I will not tolerate such talk. And I WILL and DO call them on it. IF they make a rude or ignorant comment I WILL ask them to explain such a statement..Where did it come from, why do you feel that way, do you not see ALL people as being humans and being deserving of God's love?..These are just some of my responses.I hope you someday can feel confident and comfortable in your own skin and to let people know who you REALLY are and what YOUR really about..But until then you can just make sure people at your work are more informed. Don't get angry at them just ask them why they think that kind of talk is acceptable?..See where that gets you..Good luck..

Answer 8

Iam very sorry that sucks. I suggest you just keep it to yourself if you have colleagues that say such inappropriate things. I had a gay teacher at my highschool, i went to a catholic highschool, of course staff didnt confirm it but they didnt really deny it. A lot of kids used to talk about him and make fun of him, iam not sure he knew that, but kids and adults can be cruel so even though you shouldnt have to, keep it to yourself, your life will be a lot easier. You also dont want to have to deal with crazy parents that think you will teach their kids to be gay or something. Good luck!

Answer 9

You don't have to out yourself to support the GLBT community. It is a teacher's job to teach their students facts, not to feed them opinions. The children aren't old enough to get the difference between facts and opinions. For teacher's to express their personal opinions to the students is highly irresponsible. That technicality is reason enough for them not to spread homophobic personal opinions. You may have to go deeper in the closet once you open your mouth though, as they may start to suspect.

Answer 10

Its quite a tough question to answer....some people will never open thier minds to some things.

Maybe you could press for an anti anti gay week at the school on the grounds of anti bullying? you can kinda get your message across without "coming out" that way.