My five year old is driving me bonkers!!!!!!!!?

Question

My son is so hyper, and he just will not listen. He is stressing me and my marriage out and the fact that he looks just like his father from a previous relationship does not help. His dead beat dad is about 40 states away so my husband has taken on the role of being his father. My son is very smart (and he has a smart mouth) but he will not buckle down to do his work and he cannot stay focused. I cannot teach him to tie his shoes for nothing which is a requirement at his school for kindergarden. He ruins every pair of shoes within days of us buying them. I used to have so much patience with him. I haven't had as much time with him because of a new husband and baby. We have been married for over 2 years now. Is he still acting out because of that or is he just being a five year old? Am I the only parent at her wits end? Does anyone know a good way to teach him to tie his shoes? It was easier to potty train him. HHHHHHEELLLLPPP!!!!

Answer 1

You said quite a bit there......He sounds like a normal 5yr old to me......First I will address your marriage....there is no reason that a 5yr old should stress out two adults......since the man married you, he should take on the role of being father and try his best to help you out....You two are a package...he should have know this from the start.

The fact that he looks like his dad, really should have no bearing on anything.....The odds that the kid is gonna look like their dad is 50/50......nuff said get over it.

Tieing shoes......It's not as easy as we adults make it look....I'm sure if you as Your Mom...she will tell you it was frustrating teaching you to do it...In any case......try getting one of those puzzle things that teach kids how to tie shoes.....the brand is "Melissa and Doug"

P.S. I have a 5yr old girl that looks just like her dad...I got over it...and she still doesn't know how to tie her shoes yet....we are working on it slowly.......

Answer 2

You have a three-fold problem here. First, it sounds as if your son might be hyperactive (HDD). Look that up on the internet and see if he has the symptoms. If so, he can be helped, but you need to seek a doctor or a therapist who can help him. Second, you have a new marriage, and a NEW BABY. Your son has been displaced as your baby! He is bound to need extra attention at this time and is doing everything he can to get that attention...even if it's negative attention. You need to let your husband or someone else babysit the baby a couple times a week so you can take your son out (just the two of you) to a playground, museum, library, or just for lunch. You need to have your husband tend to the baby while you bathe, read a book to, and tuck your son into bed each evening. Ask him "what was the best part of your day today? What was the worst part of your day today?" and really listen to him. Assure him your love him and tuck him into bed. Thirdly, I'd switch schools. Shoe tying should not be a requirement for entering kindergarten. Tying shoes requires good small motor control. Any expert will tell you that not all 5 year olds have enough coordination to tie shoes yet. Many children (especially boys, who have better gross motor skills earlier), aren't able to tie their shoes until they are 6 or even 7 years old. So any school that REQUIRES it at 5 is not very up to date on children. That school will stress your son out with it's requirements and he will most certainly fail to meet their standards in other areas, too. If he is hyperactive, he needs a school that will take his skills into consideration. He has a short attention span and cannot be in a classroom with all wonderfully focused kids without feeling stupid. Chances are he is very bright, so you don't want him to feel like that. Good luck, and God Bless. (p.s. Get your son some some sneakers with velcro until he is ready to tie.)

Answer 3

I have a six year old and I separated from her father and got remarried and had some behavioral problems from her. She actually just learned how to tie her shoes over the summer so until he can learn I would get slip on tennis shoes or Velcro straps. He'll learn. Everyone learns at their own pace. As for the behavioral issue something that worked for me was being able to quit my job and stay home with my daughter for the summer. And my husband and her spent time together just them two without me and they created a very strong bond. Something else that worked was letting him punish her. If she talked back to him, before, he would tell me and I would have to punish but now he has taken the initiative and will ground her or take away toys or whatever and she respects him more and listens to him. It takes time, but children are resilient. Something else you may look into besides a therapist is seeing the family doctor to make sure there are no food allergies. Food allergies can affect children's mood and behavior the same as if a child has ADD or ADHD.

Answer 4

Take him to the doctor - if it's intentional then he would probably stop because of how embarrassing the situation talking about it with a doctor is. The pure fact that he already used to wet the bed implies that he's probably really unnerved about something, and it could be because you don't talk about any problems he might be having. If it's not a medical problem then I'm pretty sure that he's doing it on purpose; wetting himself is one of the only things he can do to really annoy you, which he can still pretend was not on purpose. He probably feels empowered by it. You need to lighten up and think more about your kids as individuals, instead of whether they're on a certain "standard" - perhaps family counselling will be good for this, because you and your husband can understand him better.

Answer 5

Ok. Let's step back and take a breathe. I have a 3 year old and he drives me crazy sometimes. But he is 3. You're son might just be acting out because if the new living situation. He was the only child in the house for a couple of years and so he might be feeling left out becasue of the new baby. He might be feeling neglected or that you aren't paying attention to him. And his only way of getting attention from you right now might be acting out. He is trying to take your focus away from the new baby and put it on himself. Also in your statement, you put that he was smart but he just won't buckle down and focus. That might be a sign of ADD or ADHD. My friend has two boys and both of them have ADHD. Her older son,10, is smart and he takes medicine to help him focus in school. He makes the A honor role each semester. Her middle son, 8, has it too. He has it a little worse than the first one. He loses focus very easily. And he is extremely hyper. He takes medicine in the morning for school and in the afternoon so he can do his homeowrk when he comes home. I don't think they can test children for ADD or ADHD until they are about 7. But in the meantime, you might want to take him to a counselor or something. Children tend to open up better to other people.

Answer 6

Five year old boys can be very hyper. It sounds like he may need an outlet like karate or gymnastics......even basketball or baseball. Sometimes kids need something of their own to focus on especially when there is a new sibling to compete with. As far as the shoe issue goes, there are many styles out there that don't require tying. Try Velcro closures or slip on sneakers while your son is perfecting his tying skills. The fact that he may look like his biological father should be less of an issue. if your present husband is being a good daddy, than make note of that in front of your son. Say things like, "WOW you ate all your supper just like daddy." or "Look at your new shirt, its just like daddy's." Lastly, try and enjoy him. Children are only little once and even though your days seem to drag, the time is going to fly by. Set aside time just for your son and you to be together. When he is 15 and too busy for you, you will be glad you did.

Answer 7

you know he is just being a five year old and they are very difficult to deal with. Hats off to your husband for want to assume the role of daddy . That is great. But he also has to help you assume some of the responsiblity for training this child . Yes i do call it training because that is what it is . It is going to be very difficult to teach him to tie his shoes without some sort of understanding why he is not wanting too. I think maybe he sees he is driving you nuts and he likes it because he is getting a reaction from you. However this is how I would handle it. if he does not want to tie his shoes say fine and then dont make it a battle. if he falls down enough he will learn to tie his shoes. kids dont go to college without knowing how to tie their shoes. Just remember you have to pick your battles with kids. Ask his teacher if there is anything that she can reccomend to help with the shoe fiasco. good luck and god bless and I hope this helps. Happy thanksgiving as well.

Answer 8

I think the issue for him isn't trying to tie his shoes...more than likely he knows how. Having a new baby and father in a 2 year period can be hard to adjust to, he was 3 or so when you got married, so he was smart enough to know. You need to take control of this before he gets older and it gets worse. Ask your son how he feels, kids are pretty honest. If you feel he needs further help, then seek the help of a child psychiatrist. If you don't feel comfortable sending him to one, then you need to ask the therapist what you can do. As far as him ruining shoes within a matter of days, he is a boy...they do that. Good luck! :)

Answer 9

Teaching to tie shoes is a hard one. You are not the only one out there with this problem. My son is also 5 years old and is still not tieing his shoes. What ive learned and whats seems to work best is to have other children who can tie there shoes teach him. Sometimes children are intemidated by adults and exspecially because you are a disciplinary figure in his life. My mentoree taught my son to write, my son looks up to him so he was willing to learn. Plus kids dont get angry and frustrated like we do. Oh! My son says the darndest things too!

Answer 10

It doesn't sound as if tying his shoes is the real issue here. First, I would try to find a councellor in your area to deal with his aggressions before they escalate. Five is a tender age, and help can ease some of this.
To easily teach him to tie his shoes, try this
two rabbit ears, tuck one under the other and pull.