I am married.. but don't have the feelings for him that i do my "soulmate" what do i do?

Question

I have been married for a year.. do this man whom i have a child with.. we got married for insurance for the baby.. (Yeah stupid reason, and we both admit that) but he says we fell in love with me... the problem is that my ex... who i was extremely in love with before my husband.. well he had called me during my pregnancy and told me that he loves me.. and he will always love me. I had been waiting to hear that forever!! and it messed with my feelings.. now i can't stop talking to him... you see, i just don't have these same feelings for my own husband as i do this other man. and i don't know what to do. The other guy said that if my marriage didn't work out that he would love to try things again.. and he thinks we are soul mates... but he is also very respectful and said that if there is any chance of happiness in my marriage he doesn't want me to give up... so i am in the middle...and my husband is exactly the nicest person.. he's in lawinforcement.. so can be very controling

see i am scared that say 10 years down the road i get divorced.. and then my soulmate is married.. what would i do!! my marriage isn't really a bliss either.. my husband and i have quite a bit of problems.. and i really believe it's because we got married for the wrong reasons...

oh i forgot to add that my "soulmate" is also single.. and says that he plans to stay that way til' the right person comes around.. and then says.. that it's me.

see that's not the problem.. because my husband and i have got in huge fights about him being really controlling with the relationship.. and he says "i dont think that i am a good father, and jacob would be better off without me" so how do you think that makes me feel. basically like why are we even together. i wouldn't make anything worse for my child.. he comes first in every aspect, but if my own husband doesn't even want to "watch, or feed" is own child once in a while, that's pathetic.. and then he tells me "oh well i don't like feeding him.. I'm not going to do it" come on. i am not saying all this to bash on him.. because i know that i can be the problem to.. i just feel that we shouldn't have gotten married.. and he has said that same things to me... so is it wrong for my to still have feelings for someone else, when my husband has said those things back to me?

also i forgot to add.. he's not exactly an ex.. the reason we kinda broke up. was because i was trying to push him into a relationship.. and he wasn't ready for one.. because he was in school, and working full time.. he has told me now that.. he knows exactly how he feels for me now.. and he has moved on from that time, and really realized what he lost.

NYCPrincess.. i agree with you.. i don't even think that the way i feel about my marriage has anything to do with my soulmate.. i think that it's because my husband and i don't really love eachother.. we never got to do that first... we met, got pregnant.. four months into the relationship got married.. and now it's almost been a year and a half since we met.. but i really don't think that it's fair to our child to "pretend" to be happy.. don't get me wrong we have great times together... but when it comes to love.. we don't have a passion.. well i don't ... i had making love... ever since i was pregnant hated it. but like i said.. i don't want to really give up just like that. so i am confused about everything ya know.

Answer 1

I think you need to think about what happened between the 2 of you that ended your relationship. Why is he your ex? Then think about your new husband and why you think that you're not in love with him. I'm a little torn on this one because i really think that it's not good to get married to someone because of insurance, it's hard enough to make it work when u get married for love. But on the other hand, i don't know about the fact that u believe everything your ex is saying... my only advice is to move with caution, think long and hard of the big picture.

Answer 2

You need to tell your husband that even though he has grown so fond of you, you cant say the same. You need to move on. The next step for you is going to be cheating on him. Do you really want to share your life with someone you know you dont love? Or at least love the way a husband and wife should. Divorce is all there is left to do. Or you will be misserable the rest of your life. Even when you do find your soul mate and marry, it is hard to never concider divorce now a days I can only amagine what it is like to not "love" the one you are with. And as you already know, it was stupid to marry for the reason you did.

Answer 3

Wow...That is a big one. Now you said that you got married for the sake of your child. Do you think raising your child in a home where you are not happy is healthy? You see...people are fooled to think that staying with the father or mother of their child is always the BEST thing to do but I disagree. You can raise a healthy; happy; well behaved child in separate homes.

Happiness should come first. Your child will see his or her role model happy and not settling for anything less. They will learn through your example and grow up reaching for nothing less than what they were shown and/or taught as a child.

Answer 4

Get rid of the guy you don't want. simple as that. You will regret not doing it years down the road. Take it from someone who has been there. I'm with my husband (of almost 3 years now) and will never see my soulmate again because I chose to work it out with my husband. it was a huge mistake and I wish I could go back and do it again. Trust your heart. You will never be happy unless you do.

Answer 5

I really do not think you are giving your marriage a change. You have to work at your marriage, you know the grass always looks greener on the other side. Thank God for what you have. The man you are married to has a very stressful job, he needs you to be very supportive to him. You need to stop contacting your ex, he had his change, and it is no reason for you to mess up your home for him. You need to think this thing through, for yourself and your child!

Answer 6

when you lie down with dogs you wake up with fleas-- we create our own drama- you are chosing to believe everything your ex says to you. why's he your ex to begin with? your husband loves you- has a stable job- and you guys have a child together. you can't say that your husband is the nicest person ever in one breath and that he's controlling in the next- you sound like a whiney little girl that wants her way-regardless of whether or not it destroys her family in the process- and you're grasping at straws to justify your actions. Grow up and think about your kid for once in your pathetic miserable little life.

Answer 7

i am the expert in loveless marriages. 10 years and counting.
my advice, no, my plea to you is to get out sooner rather than later. 10 years of no passion, no love, is no fun. it kills your self esteem, it puts you on anti-depressants that cause you to gain weight, it makes you wish you could have done things differently. get out now if you are not in love with him. do you want your child to grow up seeing that marriage is something that contains no love?

Answer 8

The grass always LOOKS greenier on the other side - but that doesn't mean it is!!!!!!!! I'm telling you, it looks like it'll be better with you ex - but that's because you have rose colored glasses on and are forgetting WHY he's your ex. Honey, for your sake, and your baby's sake, stick with your new hsuband - it looks like he's really trying to make it work. You ex just sounds like he's looking at you like a prize to try to win.

Answer 9

Sounds like your mind is already made up.

Just be kind when you break the news to your husband.

Answer 10

you are x's for a reason jsut remember that. Try to make things better with your husband.