Ok, quick scenerio, I have a child,boy 10yo born in florida , and a new born baby girl with my fiance whom I used to date 20 years ago we got back together 5 years ago. We are having major communication problems. I have tried to talk to him and he always defends the other person. He is surrounded by people who have not even graduated high school and are not too bright. He is treating me like I am one of those people. I asked him not to and he told me I was being small minded and to shut the f---- up among some other choice words. I get soo frustrated because he will not listen to me about anything. He makes things 2x as difficult for himself and me by not listening and/or communicating. Don't get me wrong it is not always like this or I would not have agreed to marry him or had a child with him. But everytime we get in a discussion about someone in our life he defends them and makes me feel like everything is my fault. I'm at the point where I am ready to leave.HELP! Any advise?
2006-11-13 02:36:30 · 9 answers · asked by Karlee bug 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
im 46 been married twice...the most important thing about a relationship IS communication...id seriously reconsider marrying this guy if he treats you like some under-educated illiterate being...and i wonder if hes gonna be the same way toward the children...I take it you dont care for his choice of friends and that may be a problem down the road...you have a dilemma and im afraid theres no answer except maybe counseling for you...not saying that in a bad way but maybe they would be able to help you to get this guy to communicate...
2006-11-13 02:47:01 · answer #1 · answered by hardrox4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You better think twice about taking the next step with him. If he always defends the other person and never defends you than you most likely will have this problem after you get married. I not saying that he needs to take your side all the time but he should listen to you and consider what you are saying. To me you are not #1 on his list, his friends and family are more important than you. That shouldn't be the case because you should be the person that comes first not anyone else.
2006-11-13 02:47:28 · answer #2 · answered by cfursa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you definitely should NOT marry him until you have worked this out to your satisfaction. Delay the wedding until you've had some pre-marital counseling sessions. During those sessions tell the counselor just what you've said here. Tell your fiance in these sessions that you don't understand why he sides with others instead of you. You should not be married to a man who can't be "on your side" at least 90% of the time. Communication is as important as trust in a marriage. So don't marry until you have lots of trust and good communication. Good luck! And congrats on the baby.
2006-11-13 02:44:53 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you get married, you need to get this solved. You did say fiance', right? Do not get married until the two of you can get this worked out, because as we all know, it will only get worse over time and you may end up at the point it is like that all the time. He needs to make you feel valued, important and like what you have to input is worth listening to. Tell him that you are not going to get married until the two of you get some communications help.
2006-11-13 02:57:03 · answer #4 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your feelings do not matter much with him. Why would he defend others and not stand on your side? Do you compain about everyone? If so, he has cause. If not, he has no cause. I would confront him be open honest and direct and tell him how he is upsetting me and if things do not change I will have to change the situation because I cannot live like this. Swearing at you calling you names is complete disrespect. Maybe he thinks you will tolerate this from him. Sounds like he needs to learn 101 relationship. Good Luck and move on if he continues. Never allow anyone to disrespect you. I have been married for 26 years and would never allow disrespect.
2006-11-13 02:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by chattylady47150 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
confident, i think of you the two could merely in effective condition. There should not be any hesitation that there could desire to be somebody extra valuable. you may have "the acceptable" suitable in front of you. you will discover the two one in all you collectively till you die. that's what you spot suitable now yet what's going to you spot in 5 years? you're youthful suitable now and you think of a undeniable way. You the two could or won't be thinking that comparable way in 5 years. Take it sluggish with one yet another. study approximately one yet another. that's a sturdy sign which you're the two prepared to make differences for one extra. It exhibits flexibility that's so significant. talk and merely confirm you sense the two one in all you're on the comparable course with your thinking and objectives in existence. Then it is going to all substitute into crystal sparkling to you with out apprehension approximately your determination.
2016-10-17 05:33:50 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on from him, he sounds like a jerk and you deserve better. If you can't communicate with him now, it's not going to get any easier. Remember relationships are about respect - and I can already see he doesn't have any for you.
2006-11-13 02:47:11 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counselling is what you need.
2006-11-13 02:40:44 · answer #8 · answered by ve1luv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's all up to you. If you are unhappy, leave.
2006-11-13 03:07:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋