For spouses who support your hubby/wife - do you sometimes feel used?

Question

For the past year, we've been basically living off of my paycheck (because my hubby's business hasn't been doing well). I have to admit, I've been feeling upset and used. I know he's struggling to make his business work, but I'm tired of being the one who's bringing in all the money every month. And he doesn't even seem to appreciate it either. I really don't know what to do.

Thanks for the input everyone. I really love my husband, he is my best friend. I don't want our marriage to end over this - I'm really trying hard to make it work. I just get really down about the whole situation sometimes.

Answer 1

You should not feel like you are being used. Because what he is doing is the same as what you are doing, you are doing it for the both of you! This is what you have to do, work together, it is hard to get a business of the ground, he may not say it to you, because he is under a lot of pressure, he himself does not know what is going to happen! Stop looking at it like, it is all on you, thank God, that you are able to keep the household afloat. I think if you look at in a different prospective, you will feel better about what you are doing. I always say, Behind every good man, their is a even better, woman. (smile) so when he makes it, it will be all thanks to you!

Answer 2

You'll find that a lot of couples have issues over money. I have been in every case scenario. I have supported men in my life, once had a boyfriend that supported me and had relationships where we both worked.
I feel it should be give and take. If his business suddenly started to take off and you were struggling, do you feel he would pick up the slack as you have.
It is hard when the burden falls on you. If you really feel that deep down inside he is using you. Then Keep track of every extra penny you have had to spend that wasn't related to you supporting yourself, also let things run out like milk, etc. Or when he wants something say "We can't afford it" Start building up a nest egg. In the event his business does take off and he leaves you empty handed for your investment.
As far as going without. Maybe this will make him see how much your struggling, make him step up to the bat and either work harder at his business or realize it's a sinking ship and stop bailing.

Answer 3

It's hard when the spouse you are supporting doesn't show any appreciation, but you say he is trying to get his business to work. He might just be feeling, too low about having to be supported, to show the appreciation. You are his wife, what are spouses for, if not to help and support eachother through thick and thin. Life is hard and often unfair, and you wont get a pat on the back everytime you do something good. Keep doing what you're doing, because you love him, even when the chips are down.

Answer 4

Thinking of being used is itself a crack in the relationship. You need to build a stronger relationship by supporting him and finding means and ways to errect his business as before. He should also look for making a little amount of money by doing some part time job to make his contribution to the family maintenance. Life is really a challenge especially at odd times like the one you are facing. At this stage if you are a bit mean, things may be bad for you only. See that your husband is really struggling hard to make his business back to routine and how you can support it.

Answer 5

I know that it is rough for you! My wife and I have been married for 5 years now and we both work. I feel used sometimes because I carry the burden of being the individual in the marriage with the better work ethic, which enables me for promotions and better job opportunities. The best advice I can give you, is to be patient His business will come out of its slumps. Being a man myself I think that you should talk with him and show him that you appreciate him as well, so that maybe just maybe what goes around will come around!The key is, in the most tender manner let him know how you feel! Communication is essential in all marriages.

Answer 6

Hopefully he's doing more than failing at his business. Is he doing more than 1/2 of the work around the house? This is how the non-income bearer earns their keep. If he feels that is 'beneath' him, then he should get a real income. Otherwise you'll only be harboring more and more resentment for him, and in the end, divorce may happen and guess what...he sounds like maybe the type to sue for spousal support.

Answer 7

Absolutely not. But my wife respects that I "bring home the bacon" so to speak, and she does almost all the house work. I help out what I can, but I'm busy with work 48 hours a week or more, and a two hour commute each day.

Answer 8

I do understand how your feeling...and its hard to keep it up just waiting for something to change. I know you feel like he doesnt apprecaite it....but he may feel embarrassed or ashamed of himself that his wife is carrying him through. It's hard for a man to admit that they aren't the main breadwinner. His pride may be a bit bruised. Try talking to him about it, and tell him that you understand how hard it is for him, but that your also feling a little overwhelmed too. That is alot of pressure on you, to make sure everything is paid and run a household too.....maybe the two of you need a date night or maybe even you need a night out with some freinds...maybe dinner or a movie...just a breather to unwind a little.......Don't give up...hang in there.......It will be worth it in the end......Good Luck !!!!

Answer 9

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know this might sound a bit simplistic, but have you talked with your husband about how you're feeling? He might be feeling bad that his business isn't doing well, either. He's your hubby -- you guys should talk with each other and support each other. Good luck!

Answer 10

I've had this for seven years now..and i am tired of it...real tired..until now he had what i thought to be legitimate reasons for not working...one he was in his "final year" of an engineering degree..this took him 6 years to finish(to finish just the final year took this long)..then came the next excuse.."I am waiting to go do my army" which we are now going for the second year and he is still here at home..saying"I'm sure I'll be in the next take in in March or so... Yeah,say it, I know it too : YOU ARE SOOOOO STUPID!! Talking bout myself now..not you..your hubby seems to have a valid reason...but just trying to say: I know exactly what you mean!