Ok, so my little cousin (she's 20) just came out to me and told me shes full lesbian. I don't care, I still love her but my concern is she is confused. Less than a yr ago she was engaged to a man. While she was growing up her mom kept her on locked down and only got freedom when she went away to college. Then she met her first bf, the one she was engaged too and now she's engaged to a girl. I asked her how this came about, was it something she always felt..she saids that this girl was so beautifull that she had to bag her and that she brought it out of her. I really don't care who she loves as long as shes happy, my concern is that she will get hurt in the process of finding who she is. Im scared for her, my family isn't the most open minded, and I don' think she should label herself just yet. How can I voice my concerns without making her feel like I don't approve or make her feel defensive?
2006-11-13 01:42:02 · 11 answers · asked by SexyMommy2B 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Well, it sounds to me that you do care otherwise you wouldn't have asked the question. My sister came out to me when she was only 18 (and after she had broken up with a boyfriend.) Here's the thing - it's rarely an easy decision for someone to make. I'm sure she didn't just wake up one morning and decided to be a lesbian. My sister said she was always gay and always had crushes on my friends. Yet she tried to date guys. I didn't think right away that she was just confused. It's a very difficult, traumatic experience to come out to someone and not a decision that's taken lightly. If you do care about her, the most important thing you can do is to be there for her when she does come out to the rest of the family. She's going to need your support and love. Whatever you do, don't voice your concerns because she's going to take it as a personal attack. Just be there for her.
2006-11-13 01:56:56 · answer #1 · answered by poohb2878 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she really is "confused" about her sexuality, she'll figure it out in time. No problems there, and seriously I'd leave well enough alone. If she's with a woman now, and happy, she's probably going to end up identifying as at least bi. If you're family's not particularly open-minded, you might ask if she's sure she's ready to come out to them, but it's ultimately her decision and the best thing you can really do is be supportive of whatever decision that is.
If you're concerned that she's moving ahead with this specific relationship too fast, that's a more universal question regardless of the gender of the other person. And that I would suggest having an honest, tactful discussion about.
2006-11-13 04:14:55 · answer #2 · answered by Atropis 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Support your cousin no matter what her decision. She may be hurt, but that can happen without homosexuality.
She is obviously attrached to this female. Was she as attracted to the male? If the answer is no, perhaps she is on the right path to happiness.
Life can be painful regardless of a person's sexual orientation. If your family is not open minded, then your cousin will need your support all the more.
2006-11-13 05:11:48 · answer #3 · answered by mbartonhome 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be she is confused, and just needs the confort of a special relationship. Some people cannot bear to be alone for any length of time- usually self esteem is low. You cannot prevent her from being hurt- that's part of life, and it's sweet that you are so concerned for her. She is lucky to have you. Just continue to be supportive and concerned, and don't feel you have to label her or even extend your opinion- just listen and let her set the tone.
2006-11-13 02:00:15 · answer #4 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Now her problem maybe that she was never exposed to the opposit sex. She may have taken it that relating to men is sin .Because of that attittude she developed misdirected feelings.It may not be easy for her to come out of that but just how she got into that by asking her what she hates in men and women and weigh out the two then tell her the diadvantages of that humbly so that she can change but if possible only salvation and deliverance can help her.Thanx
2006-11-13 02:10:55 · answer #5 · answered by Rozzy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with her. Tell her how much you love her, and that she has your support, but that you know some members of your family are not so open-minded about these issues. As for her finding herself, let me remind you that everyone goes through that, whether straight or gay. Everyone has to fall down to get back up, you know? Let her bumble along, as we all do; just let her know she can talk to you when she needs a friend. Everyone gets hurt. Its a fact of life.
2006-11-13 01:51:14 · answer #6 · answered by Barbara W 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I personally would advise against voicing your opinions... I dated men since I was 16 (knew I was gay, just in denial) and when I finally started dating women publically, everyone was confused. Just let her find her own way, it's the only thing you can do. If she gets her heart broken, it's normal. Who hasn't had their heart broken?
2006-11-13 02:45:40 · answer #7 · answered by Phedre D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do just as you did ... listen to her... show her you care about her...but as far as voicing your concerns... if she asks you questions... answer her honestly and in a supportive way... but don't just throw your concerns out there... that may push her away... and it appears to me that she trusts you very much and you don't want that to get broken by voicing your concerns and her taking it the wrong way... good luck
2006-11-13 02:37:40 · answer #8 · answered by A W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I ended up going to be with the last perosn to come out to me
so I can't give any advice
2006-11-13 01:52:09 · answer #9 · answered by wwJad 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
o.k that's o.k but once again she's is taking the wrong path, i mean she was engaged to a man - and then engaged toa woman - that for me is very weird, it tells me that she's still confused, in the very deep of her heart. i hope she could open her eyes and see the real life God want us to live..
2006-11-13 02:12:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋