How do you deal with unhappiness over the state of your life?

Question

I am very unhappy in my life. My marriage did not work and my ex and I are trying to get back together, but he says when I negotiate that I am selfish and only asking for things that I want/ need.

My child is upset with me (she is 14) and says that I have ruined her childhood. I feel that she is neglected while living with her father in another state.

I am starting a new job today. I don't know how that will go.

I don't have a lot of friends and feel that my life is not where it should be. At this time, I should be busy with my family (kids, husband) instead of looking for things to do.

I can't sleep at night. I feel like I have messed up my life and don't know how to straighten it out.

Answer 1

Well, the fact that your not sleeping at night tells me that you can't deal with your concerns rationally. Lack if sleep and stress do that to people.

All of what you say may be true, but I suspect that it only has the kernel of truth in it. Your perception is clouded by guilt and your actions are based on that guilt.

I think it is time for you to see a real and objective person to work these things out, perhaps a family therapist.

The one thing you can do though is break down the problems you have into pieces, then break them down to their smallest elements and work on each, one at a time. Don't try to solve everything, just try to some something. And make each goal a simple one. The fact that your working may not be a problem at all. it might give you time to think things out so that your prepared to fix what you can fix when your home. But don't decide anything under stress or the lack of sleep.

Remember that with each new relationship, even if you are trying to get back with your ex it is still new, comes new ground rules and new challenges.

The same is true with your daughter, your guilt is clouding your judgment there too. And she will manipulate you with that guilt.

Get some help, if yo can, and gain some perspective, think things out when you are not under stress or finds someone objective to help you frame the issues you need to deal with and then take on dealing with time in small bites.

Answer 2

Move Back to the state your daughter is in. She needs you more than ever now as a teenager and soon to be young woman. Let her live with him and the honey (there is always a honey). As man, I can tell you that men use the "you are selfish" card to get their way but don't afll for it. As soon as you move back, sign up for piano lessons and take an art class. You get what I mean. Have life outside of work and you family. Learn to ski. Take scuba diving lesson. IF you have no money, go to every free lectures at the local community college or library. In other words, start your own life. You will like yourself a lot more.

Answer 3

Oh, things could be so much worse. You may be suffering from depression. Please see a counselor. Some things can only be dealt with by seeking talk therapy and taking meds (even if only short-term). You can get better. You should count your blessings...you woke up today, there is a chance that your marriage could be saved, your child is alive, you have a job, God loves you no matter what you're going through or what you have done. Seek out a church in your town. God can fill you up like no person or activity. Best wishes to you. I hope you get some advice here that you can use.

Answer 4

Things that are big now seems to be smaller later! Time alone is the best cure! Life is to give more to others as you would like the same for yourself. If you restrict your selfishness to some cupboard or a vault for a while things will be a lot better. I am sure you can talk with him and keep the objectivity of life before yourselves. I see there is future for your child and you both together only can give her that security of life. Keep remembering the almighty one GOD whom we all human beings ultimately remember at only difficult times. Rest be assured things will be better for your family.

Answer 5

first being unhappy with a 14 year old is very normal the kid is going to be nasty for the next3 to 4 years .there is a reson the rich send there kids off to finishing school at the teen years .as for being selfish you talking out things you start with what you want and he starts with what he wants and you meet in the middle .you have two people in your life that your alowing to hurt you .you kid and ex .to be happy your going to have to want what you have ,do you want what you have ?

Answer 6

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm in the same boat.

You just have to take it one day at the time and don;t let the anxiaty of the uncertaity of the future get to you.

Best of luck!!! Hang in there! You are not alone

Answer 7

Making plans to fix my life, that's the way I deal with it. When I feel my life sucks I analyze what it is going on, what I can fix (things in my hands), ways to fix it and finally actions. If I stay thinking and crying things won't change, action is needed.

Answer 8

STOP and slow down,,,,,look at why your not happy ,make changes to make YOURSELF happy,then build a relationship with your daughter,,and btw all teenagers blame their parents for messing up their lifes...You have to be happy with yourself and love your self before you can be happy and love some one else.

Answer 9

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Matthew 11:28

I'm sorry you're so unhappy. There is hope. Trust the Lord and let Him help you. Let Him make you happy. Nothing is too hard for Him.

Answer 10

Turn to God. Pray to Him and ask Him for help. He will open your eyes and show you what to do.