my friend has had a partner 4 16yrs but he is a drug addict ,she has 2 kids and wants him 2 stop she has threatened 2 split up with him if he dosnt stop,he has bn offered help but dosnt want it,dettox etc,what should she do,she loves him very much?
2006-11-13 01:33:16 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave him. nothing that she can say or do will make him stop. the drug is in control, not him...and certainly NOT her.
for the safety and sanity of those children she needs to give him an ultimatum...get treatment, or get out.
and MEAN IT! she needs to stop letting him hurt their family....and that means he needs help or he needs to get out of their lives.
its tough as hell, but no one can make a junkie do what they don't want to do. it doesn't matter, it has NOTHING to do with her trying to "love him enough", it's past that kind of help...THEN she needs to seek counseling so that she can understand his addiction, and WHY he does what he does..and what she can do to help her family through this time.
http://www.addictionsearch.com/treatment_facilities/alconon-club_5241.html
2006-11-13 01:54:34 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is the underlying personality of the drug addict that either is the attraction or the problem. Not a type of character I care for.
The criminal element of the drug culture is a problem, so is the cost.
Affection can change people in small way, but this type of character is resistant to change. If he becomes an alcoholic instead, at least the criminal bit is minimised.
They can become a dependent-mental-health client type as well. This is almost as bad. Certainly bad for bringing up kids.
Some people can be regular users of drugs without it impinging on their lifestyle, and alcolholics can sometimes hold down jobs. Even high paid (not important though) political jobs are held by lushes for quite a few years (until they make mistakes). Death and illness is a hazard for alchies, add arrest and prison for druggies.
2006-11-13 01:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by Perseus 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Any addict will end up stopping either by dying, go crazy or actually stop. Since our guy has no intentions to stop it would be very hard to stop him but it's doable. By raising his bottom (the addict bottom is the incident that makes him think he had enough) and making it harder and harder for him to use maybe he'll change his mind. This could range from submitting him to a rehab to calling the cops. If he ever changes his mind that would only be one step forward in a long road. Don't think he'll be able to stop even if he wants to. My advice is you have to go to this group where addict's relatives go and work a 12 step program on how to live your life and not let the addict destroy it.
2006-11-13 01:50:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, if he has been offered detox etc and refuses that help, then there is nothing that can be done by your friend. To stand a realistic chance of saving their relationship, he has to hit rock bottom and admit that he has a problem. I know it's a well-worn cliche, but that is the only thing that can save him now.
It is only by tough love that she is ever going to stand a remote chance of making him see sense. She should kick him to the kerb until he seeks help and stays with rehab or whatever for a period of time. She cannot save him; only he can save himself. She is not doing her or, more importantly, her kids any favours by trying to help him out herself. She is just prolonging the agony for all of them.
She should turf him out and change the locks, telling him to go away until he is clean and going to stay that way. But I have the inevitable feeling that she won't do this and you unfortunately will be left to watch the downward spiral, feeling totally powerless to stop it. Give your advice to your friend and then if she can't/won't listen, put some distance between you as you will end up feeling distressed for the children in the end, not her.
Would it be worthwhile speaking with your friend's parents, if you know them, as it is their grandchildren stuck in the middle of this mess? Or a tip-off to Social Services...........?
2006-11-13 01:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She loves him very much and so much that she would expose her children to an addict. He loves the drugs. He won't change until he's out of friends, lovers, drugs and down to the lowest place he can be. She should leave him for her childrens sake and for his sake. He won't change as long as everyone is willing to enable him to continue his addiction. Godloveya.
2006-11-13 01:48:14 · answer #5 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may love him but she should love her kids more and not want them to be around that type of environment. Until he can love himself he's not gonna be much good for anyone else. If he's been offered help and doesn't want it that's a true sign that he's only thinking about himself. He must first admit that he has a problem before he can get help.
2006-11-13 01:38:40 · answer #6 · answered by Mickey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to get herself and the kids away from him until (and if) he gets help and gets off the drugs. As long as she stays with him she is enabling him to continue to do what he wants. I was married to an alcoholic, drug user for 18 years. I stayed so many times because of the kids and years invested. BIG MISTAKE. When I finally decided to kick him out, it was the best thing I ever did. He is now off drugs, drinks occasionally, we are now both happily remarried, and our kids are happy too. Please tell your friend that she can learn from others' experience. I know it is hard, but you have to be strong and trust God. He is my refuge and my strength.
2006-11-13 01:47:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If someone does not want to be detox, then it is time to move on. If he loves her enough, he will be willing to go clean. But apparently drug comes first b4 your friend. This is not a healthy relationship. soon he will be robbing her to feed his needs for drugs. She will only end up being hurt. She has to come back down to earth and realize that this relationship will go nowhere. And she deserve to be with someone who returns her love and is healthy. I mean what if she gets pregnant with his child. With all the drugs in his system, the child is definitely going to be affected somewhat....be it mentally or physically...I am sure she does not want to deal with that. The child is innocent. Good luck and hope that she will see the light and make the right choice.
2006-11-13 01:44:41 · answer #8 · answered by jazzie chick 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
depending on what drug it is if its crack or smack or alcohol she should get rid of him 4 a 6 month trial to get clean if he wants her enough 6 month is sufficient time to get his life on track. if he doesn't then he wants the drugs more than he wants her and is not ready to stop, he will never quit anything unless...... he...... wants too unfortunately addiction makes you selfish and most people have too hit rock bottom to stop, if he is getting his hand held all the time and still taking drugs why should he stop he needs to see what will happen if continues, and sort out the underlying issues.
2006-11-13 01:42:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to quit threatening and leave. Maybe that will wake him up. He knows she isn't going anywhere and her threats are empty. For the sake of her children, she needs to get away - they don't need to be around that. And it is true, if he gets in trouble and the authorities find that the children have been living around that, she will lose her kids.
2006-11-13 01:44:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋