When are you no longer ANGRY at the spouse who left?

Question

When do you stop being angry at the spouse who left?
I was a good husband. She even says so. She was just "not happy." So she left and now is involved with some other guy. I am told by pepole that I am good looking so I can meet someone else and I do all of the time but I don't want to get involved with anyone because it would just be using them at this point for a release. When do you get over the anger? Do you ever? It has been six months now. Thanks for any helpful responses. ( I notice that some of you are practicing for a comedy routine and provide sarcastic jokes rather than actual responses. Often funny, though, I might add.)
I have to be in touch with her to discuss matters concerning the kids.
We are not divorced. No one has filed any papers.

SCAMPBELL - Thanks for the laugh. The guy is a 3.5 of 10. OK. I had to add that. Ha!

Answer 1

The anger will stop when you get an answer from her as to what the next step will be. If she's with someone else, then she needs to file the divorce papers and let you move on. She has left the door open for herself to come back into your life and you are allowing her to do that as well, by not filing for divorce yourself. Maybe you're hoping that she will come back to you. That she's just in a fling that will end when she realizes that she had it all with you. The only way that will happen is when you stop allowing her to be the one in control.

It's time to ask her what she wants. Let her know that you need to move forward and take that next step. Get a strong support group around yourself (close friends, family) and seek out a divorce lawyer. Find out what your options are, especially since there are kids involved, then take that next step. Go see a counsellor to get your head straight, then go and take your life back.

Answer 2

A failed marriage fosters anger. We put so much hope into this commitment and when it fails we are crushed. A divorce is the death of a hope, so there must be a grieving process for it. I found this to be very true of my divorce. I went through all the stages of grief. You should let this happen. It will take time, but I think the first thing to do is resolve the split.
You can get rid of anger with acceptance in the long run. Some things don't work out, some people are inevitably not compatible. Also, her 'rejection' of you is more about her than it is about you. You are who you are because you want to be (I assume), if she cannot live with that and be happy, she can't. Whatever you had in the beginning, no longer actually exists. There is no reason hanging on to what-ifs, work with what is.
I must say I understand everything I said is much easier said than done, but it is possible. There will probably always be at least a little resentment, but you can certainly move on and be happy.

Answer 3

I am at the 6 month point also. I honestly right at this moment will hate her with every ounce of my energy until I breathe my last breath. ....and then my headstone will say "I Hate Her" ...and then I will hate her for all eternity! It seems that the more love there was, the more hate there will be.

Even as a good Christian, this is how I feel right now. However, I do know deep down that I can't hate her and have a meaningful relationship with someone else in the future. -It just seems destructive to be hateful to someone and turn right around and be loving to another.

As for time... well you got it easy! My wife left me for a rich doctor! -not some janitor. In the back of my mind I plan on giving up on loving her and hating her when the divorce is final. I have counseling scheduled soon (I'm skeptical).

Kudo's with your dating ethic. I'm not a bad catch either and the temptation to take advantage of these willing ladies is there. I too have a conscience and can't use a woman like that.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out. I have kids also, and I think that will help me stick to my commitment to let go.....

Answer 4

You have allocated many resources in the purpose of maintaining a specific relationship. I think what you need to do is step back and look at the other relationships and how you can develop stronger prosperity through those or new relationships.

On my free webs page which is in my profile. It talks about a lot of this there is a specific link at the top where it says life energy word abacus; Microsoft OneNote 2007 demo (google search for that) can help you keep track of this and audio video recordings of communication about and with the children as to specific goals and review of the resource allocations and skills needed to utilize all factors for the correct and adequate growth and prosperity of the children

Answer 5

1st of all, go ahead and make things final (divorce). That will be the 1st step in getting over things. I wish I could tell you that it will all magically get better. It WILL, but it will take a lot of time. Unfortunately, you WILL need to meet other people (even if it's not for the right reasons). I'm going to go out on a limb and guess this other guy ISN'T all that you are/were...???? (makes you really feel great doesn't it ???? [sarcasm]). Anyway, it will get better, but probably not anytime soon.

Good luck.

Answer 6

properly. I truthfully have been by way of that. i would be a woman however the thoughts are specially circumstances a similar. that's problematic and you should pass by way of each and all of the tiers. Anger, Grief, melancholy, Loneliness. the timeframe is distinctive for each guy or woman. yet on the upside ultimately you will grow to be empowered and experience solid. Are you indignant reason she moved on so rapid? i grew to become into. I had a toddler with mine too. only bear in innovations that it's not the youngsters fault and be the appropriate dad and guy you're able to be. do not push your self into shifting on. If it feels good decide for it, yet take it slow. you won't be able to administration what others experience or how they act no depend how "suitable" you're. specially circumstances people, exceedingly the only we adore do hurtful and unexplainable issues. attempt to not enable it get you down continuously. desire all is definitely and this enables.

Answer 7

It gets better over time. 6 months isn't that long. It took me years to get over it. (3 to be exact) I dated during that time, but I was like you, just with them to be with someone, until I met my husband. He was such a great person that the ice melted away from my heart. Give it time, you'll be OK. Just don't bad talk her around the kids. She is still their mother, and they were conceived from love, even if it didn't last the way you thought it would.

Answer 8

I would suggest the old stand-by counseling.

Not to save the marriage but to save you. You need some direction to get on with your life.

If you find the right person counseling can make a world of difference.

Answer 9

I would suggest also that you make it legal as soon as possible. That way you both know where things are going.

If you are no longer angry, that's good. It means that you are not emotionally attached to her anymore.

Just try to refocus your life on other things - kids, hobbies, etc.

Answer 10

when you are over her you are no longer angry at her. I hope you guys get in touch so you can see the kids.