my 14yr old daughter wont tidy her room?

Question

she shares a bedroom with her 2 sisters age 1+3 i cannot get her to put away her clothes or pik up her dirty washing she is not asked to do any thing else in her room she has a cupboard off her own that little ones cant reach this untidy behaviour is now been copied by 3yr old the bedroom is a bomb site

the 3yr old is tidier and piks up after herself tried black bags,grounding,loss of spends,tvetc removed even chucked clothes out of window i ended up piking up and washing them threedays later fed up

Answer 1

If my kids did that i would b grounding no tv everything is gone until it's done.You not asking much.If you give allowance make it that she has to earn it.If her room isn't done each day no allowance.Girls at that age want to go out with friends n need money to do so .She will do it if she wants her allownce.just try not to give in.Good Luck.

Answer 2

Welcome to my world, hon. I have a 9 yr old & a 12 yr old..both girls, but they don't share a room. When they were younger, and refused to pick up their toys, I put them ALL in their gigantic toy box and toted it to the dumpster and actually threw every toy they owned away. I did that 3 times before they realized that it would keep happening until they kept their toys picked up. Now, the problem is dirty (and clean) clothes all over their bedroom instead of being hung up or put in drawers. I make them both do the laundry when I see that their rooms are a cyclone of clothes. Once, I picked out their favorite outfits and put them into a trash bag while they were at school and then when they were like, "Where's my ....shirt, etc.?" I would tell them it was on the floor, so I guessed the shirt wasn't very immportant to them, so I threw it away. After they started keeping their clothes put away for a while again, then I started "finding" their clothes, a piece a day, and told them I didn't know where they came from. I still have problems with this, but maybe one of these methods will work for you. I have stopped doing any of their laundry also and then when they have no clean clothes, they realize it's on them to do their own laundry until they learn to respect the clothes they have.
Good Luck!!

Answer 3

Give her some incentive, like allowing a friend to sleep over if it is tidy. Taking her out on her own, without her siblings to shop or the cinema.
Give her some input on the actuall design and decoration of a bedroom. Offer to put up some kind of partition or curtain to give her a little privace.
It's not easy being a teenager at the best of times, let alone when you have to share a room with 2 people so much younger.
My daughter is 13 and her bedroom looks like a bomb has hit it most of the time. But she knows that if she wants friends over or any kind of treat she has to get it tidy. Also because I rearranged the living room yesterday, it gave her the motivation to rearrange her room completely, and thus tidying it at the same time.
Hope this helps.

Answer 4

not being funny, but if you were 14 how fed up would you be with having to share a room with two little ones!! I know not everyone has the luxury of their own room, but is there not some way of giving her her own space, not just a cupboard? Put yourself in her shoes for a Minuit. Its not her fault she has two little sisters to put up with and maybe it is a sign of rebellion, its not her room so why bother? I have teenagers so I do understand. Try to talk, not just nag and shout as we all do. Ask her what could be done to make her feel better. Good luck.

Answer 5

Buy a big roll of black bin bags, when she gets home from school tell her shes got an hour til you go up and put anything thats not in the right place in the bin bags. Be prepared for an almightly strop but dont back down.

Either that or tell her you'll tidy up all her stuff... and wouldnt it be awful for her mum to go through all her stuff, you never know what you might find! The thought of that should get her in there as quick as!

Or you could try helping her, or atleast chatting to her as she does it. Its more fun with two and it could be a good bonding time too?

Trying to get her to take pride in her room must be tricky (what with being a teen age girl and sharing a room) But maybe get her something nice to go in there. (cushions for the bed or something) It might inspire her to keep it tidy. (A bit of 'postive motivation' works wonders with teenagers!!)

Answer 6

You need to crack down on her and her sisters.

Offer a reward and punishment scheme for keeping the room tidy.

If the room is a mess, you take whatever has been left on the floor away along with a precentage of the pocket money per item for example you could say 20p per item left out on the floor will be deducted.

Answer 7

Poor girl, I'm not surprised she doesn't want to tidy her room when it's not really HER room. Try telling 3yr old to tidy the room (or at least tidy up after themselves) and when 14yr old sees that the onus is not entirely on her then she may feel a bit better about playing ball.

Answer 8

You need to give her more responsiblity and stick to your guns and not let her get away with stuff. What I found worked with my husband (same problem but with a grown man!), is that I just stopped washing his clothes. I took a stance and told him that if he can't put his dirty laundry in the basket then it simply won't get cleaned.

You can always try taking away privileges as well. No TV until she learns to keep her room tidy. You need to start dishing out tough love until she learns or she will keep taking advantage. When I was a teen, I was not allowed to go out with my friends until my room was clean and my chores got done. Let me tell you, my room got cleaned and my chores got done because, as a teen, you want to go out with your friends!

Answer 9

Maybe your daughter hasn't cleaned her room because she wasn't taught to. No offense though, but you can't let her get away with that. If this has been going on for a long time, then she probably thinks that she can get away from it. If she knows and respects the rules that you put in place for her to follow, then she would most likely do what you asked for her to do.

Answer 10

When I was 14 my room looked like a bomb hit it. My mom was always on me to clean it and I wouldn't. I came home one day and all my stuff was gone except for just enough close for the week. I am 19 now and obsessive compulsive about cleanliness

Answer 11

Don't do any of her washing. Its hard on you but she'll soon change her ideas when she wants to go out with her friends and has nothing to wear. She probably resents sharing a room with young ones as well so they might be a rebellion there! If that fails buy a rat and put it in her bed!!!