Why does it have to be this way?
There's a guy that I have liked for a few years now. Before that, we were friends for six years. He's been divorced since early Feb. He use to flirt with me and say things to me like "It doesn't take a brain surgeon to see how much I want to be with you." I told him I liked him. Now he won't go out on a date. He feels uncomfortable being in a room, alone with me. It's one thing to not be into someone. But to say some of things he has said and then totally back off...I just don't get it. I know he's not at all ready for a committment, but why won't he go out on an ocassional date with me? I have left him alone so he could sort out his thoughts. Then we start talking again. He opens up a little bit more then he shuts right down. I'm totally baffled. Any thoughts?
2006-11-13 01:08:51 · 5 answers · asked by Fuzzy 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Maybe he knows that he needs some time for himself to get over the divorce. And maybe he doesn't trust himself with you.
He may feel that if he starts to hang out with you and go on dates he will fall for you and probably go to the next step.
He may be trying to make sure that what you too may turn into isn't a rebound relationship for him. He may be trying to save you some heartache. I
m sure he would hate to start dating you, develop feelings and realize he is just upset, and heartbroken from the divorce and have to end it with you b/c he cant give you 100% towards the relationship. Which isn't fair to you. He is maybe looking out for you in the long run and he knows how is heart can run.
I think if you just continue to be there for him as a friend and stop pressuring him about dating in time when he is ready he will come to you and maybe start a relationship. I think he wants to make sure this time that this is what he wants and he wants to be able to devote himself entirely to the relationship and nothing less. Plus, if you continue with your life and go out he may even begin to like you more cause he sees you are doing your thing.
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder, and if it is meant to be it will happen. You cannot rush love and feelings.
2006-11-13 01:23:44 · answer #1 · answered by Kit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man is going to need alot more time. He is very confused right now. He may not want to face up to it, but he still is not over his wife in some ways. I think he is still in the early stages of being single again. I don't believe he is ready at all right now to make another committment. Way too soon. But don't be a sitting duck waiting for him to call you. When he said "How much i want to be with you." You should of asked in what way? You saying " I like you." He might of took that as "I want to be with you forever."
I think you should both clear the air on where you both stand with each other so that one is not left hanging with the wrong thoughts.
Good luck to you.
2006-11-13 01:55:28 · answer #2 · answered by X-Woman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember, he's still getting over his divorce. Divorce is a devastating life event. For some, that can take years of healing. It sounds to me like he is trying to be wise about his relationships (i.e., not getting into another one so soon after his marriage dissolved), and since he obviously has feelings for you, whatever they may be, it causes him conflict to be around you: It could be his brain is telling him not to get involved, and his heart is saying go for it. This may be an extremely confusing situation for him, one that he might normally be able to deal with but with the pain of divorce, it might be difficult, or impossible to deal with at this time. I don't know, but that is what it sounds like to me.
2006-11-13 01:22:42 · answer #3 · answered by wackadoo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, it just IS that way. You have to let him sort out whatever his issue is...if he's ready to do so, he'll talk to you about it. About the most forward thing you could do is ask him why he seems to shut down...but don't press it too hard if he seems to fight answering that. Remember--there's some things you can't control and have to accept as they are.
2006-11-13 01:14:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
u have 2 ask him simple question...
do u love me or not? (answer with yes & no only)...
then u decide what 2 do....
and even if u left each others i'll be waiting 4 u ;)
bye :)
2006-11-13 01:19:26 · answer #5 · answered by nice engineer 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋