my wife seems to think that she should control everything and everybody.whenever something is out of place,especially if i let her down in some area,she always responds by pouting and giving everyone the silent treatmemt for a couple of days.she will drag this out for days rather than talk about and deal with it.she is completely hung up on the house. she thinks it should be in perfect order at all times.i am not comforable in my own home.it seems like her self worth centers on the condition of the house.she seems completely close minded to any plan i may suggest to deal with our problems.how can i get along with her? should i even try?i am not getting any younger.
2006-11-13 00:54:20 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh, my gosh...is that you carmine?? how many times do I have to tell you it's not about the house!! now, pick your clothes up off the floor and do the dishes!!
2006-11-13 00:59:56 · answer #1 · answered by tampico 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Many women are like that. They feel they are the mother of the entire world or at least everyone surrounding them.
If she is a stay at home wife, her house is the only way she has to express her talents. You should take as much pride as she does about her work around the house.
Two of the most distinguishable talents a woman has are being a mother and how well they can maintain their household. The third is how well she satisfies her husband's needs. Those are the three things that a woman can give you that make her a woman. You have to ask yourself if she is lacking in any of these areas or are you being to harshly judgmental.
These are the things only a woman can (or at least should) give you. You can not (or at least should not) get these things from another man. If you can not accept these things, then maybe it is you that has issues and not her.
2006-11-13 01:16:50 · answer #2 · answered by David C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am not married yet, but I do practically live with my b/f. She may be feeling 'motherly' or feel the need to clean all the time. Is she pregnant? How long have you guys been together? I'm not sure of the reason she's acting this way, but maybe she cares so much about the house being in order to make you happy or proud of her? Maybe? Give her some compliments on the house and the cleanliness of it. Talk to her calmly about how you feel and she'll respond in the same manner. Don't yell. That will only cause fighting. When I am upset about something, I've learned to not overreact or yell b/c that pushes him away and he refuses to talk!!!!
2006-11-13 00:59:02 · answer #3 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is gonna take a lot of love... You need to have time with her where you can cuddle and you need to take off some of that weight. She sees you working so hard and figures that this is the last race with time...the last rat race. How do you separate someone from the rat race? You know her best, right? What part of that rat race is she in? How can you change to bring her away from that rat race? Would you two be happy in state supported housing? What if you were to shed all your worldly possessions? I ask myself that all the time to find out what really matters to me, and I am finding that what matters is changing to a more docile lifestyle, because in order to keep the material, I have to give up spirit and it aint worth it.
2006-11-13 01:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you can find a room of your own that is just yours and no one well do anything to it but you. That way you have your space that feels right to you. The rest of the house let your wife keep it the way she wants too. As for the silent treatment as time goes by you will find that isn't such a bad thing at all.
2006-11-13 01:03:14 · answer #5 · answered by ranchforman57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not getting any younger, but she is getting older, when the "guilt" button women have to keep everything neat and tidy wears out.
Also, women that have children have a natural tendency to protect their young, cleaning is one way we do this. That wears out as well.
If she is obsessed about it, suggest a counselor. Sometimes people have a tendency to control the environment when they have met with some misdeed such as sexual abuse, sexual assault, child abuse, domestic violence, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder caused by a life threatening situation, often caused by the others I listed but can be caused by any event that threatens life.)
Peace.
2006-11-13 01:00:41 · answer #6 · answered by -Tequila17 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does your wife have ANY connection to ANYTHING outside of the home that does NOT involve kids, or her "wifely" duties?
if she doesn't have a hobby or a JOB or something of her own to make her feel accomplished, then her HOME becomes her business so to speak.
just as you would run your work space as a strict, neat, and orderly place...she has turned the house into that for her.
THIS is why a LOT of women like to work outside of the home or have separate activities from their families. it gives them a break to enjoy themselves, or pursue business endeavors.
honestly i would tell her...it's counseling or the highway. she needs to either find something out side the home, or learn to TALK to you. if she can't or won't do that then you don't have a marriage anyway. it's not a one way street. she can't have it that way....it's about compromise. if you have TRULY done your part to encourage her to find things to do that interest her, and tried to talk to her about your problems and she still acts this way..its time for an ultimatum.
2006-11-13 01:05:13 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, friend...
When this kind of things starts, it means that both are not feeling comfortable... one of you shall leave the house...
This is what one is "trying to tell" to the other...
Talk about the subject with your wife... and do not take too much time do decide your lives...
2006-11-13 01:06:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She isnt happy..........why is what you need to find out at this point. Dont focus on the other things..its a control issue with being depressed. Sit her down tell her you are worried...that you love her very much and need her to tell you how to do that...
2006-11-13 01:22:15 · answer #9 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her then suggest counseling, if she is closed minded to counseling perhaps you should take her to her primary physician and tell them about her destructive behavior.She needs help, so you can either step up or leave. It is important that you don't blame yourself for her issues, mental illness is tricky.
2006-11-13 01:08:21 · answer #10 · answered by lovinlife_30 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is going to sound like the same old advice but she should get a few weeks of counseling.
It'll help her figure out why she's like she is and to help her change it.
First step is her wanting to change.
2006-11-13 01:19:39 · answer #11 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋