How do you know when you're no longer in love with a person? Being in love is different than just loving someone but what are those differences?
2006-11-12 23:29:14 · 13 answers · asked by C Greene 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Flagger g - it's nice to be told bluntly & from a different perspective! Thanks for all the answers, they are really helping, just having different opinins on the matter is making the decision a bit clearer.
2006-11-13 00:03:58 · update #1
The whole question of loving someone is not for us to answer.
Once you admit this fact though you will be better off. That is,
Once the initial attraction wears off YOU CHOOSE whether you are in love or not. It does not happen to you. Based on your previous question, it appears that you have chosen to fall out of love here. The sad thing is you do not have a good reason. Emotions which are carried over from pregnancy when your thought process is clouded by bodily changes do not serve you well when you are back to normal. You readily admit that he has done nothing to give you reason to doubt. Then why are you doubting? It is because you chose to.
Maybe you should chose to sit down and do an inventory of strrengths and weaknesses in your marriage. Then you can make a choice to get on with your relationship, or not. At least it will be based on logic instead of hormone clouded feelings. Actually being in love is the same as loving someone.
Ask yourself why you are unhappy now. Happiness is much like love in that you can also chose to be unhappy as well.
In all fairness also ask yourself how he is supposed to view you the same way he did before the kids. He has had to live with the pregnancies and your physical changes while he has remained basically unchanged. If he did as is currently the vogue and went into the delivery room then he saw you layed out much like a dog having puppies in the basement. How is he supposed to feel after seeing that? He was not privy to the endorphines and Demoral you were. This is a bit cold and graphic but goes to show that it sounds as if he is trying and supportive now even after being through the ugly part as well. Give this guy a break and chose to get back on track.
Its really easy to get so focused on yourself and children that you forget the changes he has had to deal with. It is so unfair to start questioning your own love for a guy because something does not feel right. Chose not to do this.
Follow up. Do not forget couple time. Put the kids to bed early and MAKE TIME for each other. Please do not forget to be a couple.The kids should not take all your timeand energy. A lot of your doubts will go away when you start working on couple time.
Fatigue also clouds relationships. Your kids are young. Put them in bed at 8:30. Forget about the chores. Relax and enjoy each other for some time nightly. Your attitude will improve and I'll bet his does. And get some birth control.
Try this you have your marriage to lose and your marriage to gain. I'll also wager you will regret not trying this.
2006-11-12 23:58:11 · answer #1 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are right, to love person and to be in love with him/her are two different feelings. Sometimes you think that you are in love with a person, but time passes and you find out that you love person but you are no more in love with him/her.
The way to feel these changes:
1. You argued before, but after one kiss everything went back to normal, now it continues for longer period and everything he/she does to make it better makes you more angry.
2. Before you did not try to "see" his bad side, you accepted him/her the way that person was and liked him/her because what she/he was, now you are starting to see that he/she is lazy, is not as romantic person as used to be... this list may go on without end, depends on what stage you are and how long you have been together.
3. You are becoming suspicious because you get feeling that if your feelings have faded away same may have happened to his/hers and he/she might cheat on you, because there are times when you are thinking about being with somebody else too.
4. And at the end you get the feeling that you are living somebody Else's life, like living in dream where you want to wake up but can't, you get feeling of confusion, afraid to say to yourself that you made a mistake because you spend so many years with him, it's always hard to admit!
2006-11-13 07:56:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When no matter what you do, no matter what you say, they will "go for the throat" and crush you. Talking with or to them is a painful proposition, and the moment they leave, you feel a weight has been physically and emotionally lifted off of you. While I care for my ex- and wish her well, I don't think I could comfortably let her into my life again.
For the purposes of this question - You can 'love' someone and have a deep affection for them, or you can 'be in love' and evolve and grow with them without losing your own identity.
2006-11-13 07:46:09 · answer #3 · answered by keltarr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when u get to the point of feeling like siblings, then u know u just care for that person not in love. when u cant be bothered to argue anymore. When choosing cards for ur partner and find urself steering away from the lovely dovey ones and going for a funny one! if u dont go out of ur way to do the little things like running them a bath with candles, bringing little suprize prezzies home just to see the look of pleasure on their face. well these r some of my reasons that ive picked up along the way hope theyre a help.
2006-11-13 07:39:48 · answer #4 · answered by didge 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it a matter of the mind, I've beem with my husband six years and i don't always get excited about him coming home but i do believe it has also got a lot to do with external factors, i will not look forword to him coming home if he is going be in a bad mood and then i just know that he going to irrate me but i get excited if i have something to tell him or I've missed him during the day, I love my husband and will never give him up but i don't quite know if am in love with him if any of this make sence to you
2006-11-13 18:35:35 · answer #5 · answered by redds 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have read your previous question, answered it, and also read the comments you have added.
dont worry if you two have gone off sex .... sex seems to go on the back burner after kids and all that.
if other people on this site tell you that sex is the most important thing - its not true.
a relationship is based on love, trust, care, concern, respect and understanding for each other.
love is two people care for each other, respect each other, do things for one another without feeling any obligation, where they talk to each other about anything and everything, share everything, and enjoy each other's company....
if he keeps walking away, you are going to get more frustrated. maybe he doesnt want to talk after a heated argument. why dont you try to talk to him calmly and gently when you both are in a calm mood, hold his hand and look into his eyes and tell him. 'theres something i need to talk to you about , about the feelings i have been having recently, pls hear me out honey'
good luck ! once again...
2006-11-13 07:51:13 · answer #6 · answered by GorGeous_Girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is not something anyone can answer with just one perspective. for each person feels things differently. you can't measure a feeling.
sometimes it just hits you all the sudden.
i was still in love w/my ex husband when i left him...but i realized that i was in a very bad relationship, i only realized a year after the divorce that i didn't love him anymore. it just struck me one day that i didn't FEEL the same when i looked at him, like i did before.
2006-11-13 07:38:00 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to imagine how you would feel if you never saw him again. What would life be like? Is it hard to imagine being with someone else? If you broke up, would you wish you were back together? Good luck. It's a hard question.
2006-11-13 08:47:48 · answer #8 · answered by Beth T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget loving vs being in love. Can you imagine continuing an unhappy relation for many, many years. No? Then it is time to say bye bye.
2006-11-13 07:43:44 · answer #9 · answered by Totally Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe your feeling' s change. You no longer have that "feeling" that you want to be near that person, to speak with them, to share intimate details of your feelings, your life. I believe that's falling out of love. When they're Ill to feel for them, to care for them. These feeling's change when you no longer "love" I know of several couples when one came home, after 21 years and said "Honey, I no longer love you and wish you'd leave" just like that, she fell apart and went to a side by side they owned, he continued his life without a partner for years. He no longer contacted her. Is this "falling out of love"
2006-11-13 07:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋