My Husband is a compulsive lier?

Question

This is our second marriage for both of us. My husband had a great offer to work abroad and make a huge amount of money years ago which would have given us a head start for our future. I supported him and followed him where ever his work took him although it was hard i was happy to do it on the hope that this would give us and our children a good future. He lied to me about how much money he was putting towards our savings and i found out that years of travel had been a complete waste of time he gambled about $150.000 if not more on horses over the internet. It wasn't easy but i forgave him, and thought we would start over. Since then he has built up debt after debt with each amount of huge debt there are huge amount of lies, although he says he has stopped gambling he over spends on, i dont know what. He says he lies because he is scared of me and makes me out to be a horrid person, yes i yell after the fact and i think i have every right to yell. He is in councelling !!

Answer 1

And are you in counselling? I haven't once heard that you have gotten a job or earned anything except been judgemental. Think a self check is in order also!

Answer 2

If he is in counseling that should help but I think you need counseling as well. Believe it or not, you are enabling his behavior.

If you get lied to once and you know it, shame on the other person. If you get lied to multiple times and know it shame on you.

It doesn't take rocket science to know the man can not manage money and as mentioned, probably still is gambling.

What are you going to do about it? Are you going to take responsibility for your own life and support yourself or is easier to overlook his "bad habits" as long as he has enough money to continue supporting you too?

There is more to this story than you are telling and you aren't sharing what is motivating your decision to stay with this man. It isn't all about love. If it was, you would have done what you could to help him after the second or third lie.

This is a dance the two of you are doing. He doesn't WANT to change and you don't WANT to take on the responsibility of supporting yourself by leaving him.

Answer 3

if counseling isnt working maybe gamblers anon or similar,,something specific to his addiction but at the end of the day,,he has to want to stop and with all addictions,,it will be very hard to convince him if he actually believes he doesnt have a problem.some people have to lose everything before they can admit the addiction is the main cause of losing something important in the first place and if he really feels nothing has changed and you can manage on what you have already he may not feel the addiction is the problem here,,even to the point as you have said,,it is you who makes a big deal about it so therefor it must be you who has the problem.

Answer 4

Gambling is an addictive disease and the people that he owes for gambling debts are not going to wait forever to collect their money. Gambling affects the brain in the exact same way that cocaine does and your husband needs help. It is common for addicts to try to shift the blame to anybody but themselves. which allows them to somewhat justify their addiction. If you have anywhere to go do it asap because there may be collectors coming and you will not be safe. Get away while you still can.

Answer 5

I would have a negative attitude about this, even with counseling. He's been at it to long. What was his first divorce about?
If it was the same I would guess there's no chance. There are losers that have no chance, counseling or not. In fact they're always in counseling, all their lives and they never change.
It's your decision to make, stay with him or not? I'd chose to run, let someone else pay for his gambling problems.

Answer 6

Most likely he is still gambling. This is an addiction. Get some help for yourself. Get counseling. Then you will be strong enought to set boundaries with him. He will not quit until he hurts enough. You may be wise to take some steps to get some control over the finances. If he does not get help for himself, you need to think about divorce. Good luck.

Answer 7

I Have every sympathy for you, however it sounds to me that your husband has a compusive addiction. He needs to get specific help for his problem and needs to acknowledge the impact it has had on you and your family.
Lying is part of denial and his ttempts to paint you as the bad person are his feeble attempts to justify his actions to himself...like an alcoholic...Unfortunaltly in my own experience people only choose to get better if they really think the have a problem. They donot do it for you or children or the greater good..they do it because they are ready. Sorry to be harsh but you need some distance for a while, he needs to see that change is in his best interests because he could lose it all.

Answer 8

If you feel this strongly about the whole situation....move out he will either get his act together for you or he will self destruct in his gambling without taking you down with him. Be honest and up front tell him you want to be with him but you will not tolerate your behaviour and until you feel ok you want to manage the finances

Answer 9

I think it's time for you to consider leaving the relationship. For your own sake and to avoid a financial mess...

Watch your credit rating too. Just be careful because only you know what you should do when it comes to making a hard decision.

Good luck. Be strong!

Answer 10

OK, be a horrid person, You have the right.

If you want to stay with him YOU take over ALL the finances. YOU get his check, YOU put it in bank YOU pay the bills, HE gets an Allowance.

If he does not like it then tell him divorice papers will be in the mail.

Answer 11

be bothered not! i think of each and every relationship/marriage has their down moments. meaning human beings substitute into distant or lose interest, etc. You reported which you 2 spend very much of time collectively, perhaps he merely needs some on my own time. I understand youre married yet every physique desires "me" time. Does he carry close out along with his pals? I recommend you adult males stay, paintings and play collectively, that ought to be slightly stressful. maximum human beings atleast have separate jobs. Even a some hours remote from somebody enables you to omit them and subsequently offering you with something to watch for once you return residing house. the reality that he lied with regard to the cigarettes isnt cool. You 2 have been married for 4 years, you may have the potential to speak to eachother approximately something. despite the fact that, it isn't the top of the worldwide. verify he knows he can talk over with you approximately something. the reality he knows you think of its disgusting is why he didnt permit you be attentive to. Dont blow up at him. fix issues now till now, he comes to a decision to maintain extra secrets and techniques and locate yet another lady " at the back of your lower back". I recommend you 2 take a seat down and talk head to head approximately each and every thing! Then the two one in all you may carry close out with your individual pals for a weekend. or whether he needs on my own time, permit him have it. Then perhaps attempt to do issues which you adult males did till now you acquire married, to convey lower back the relationship. sturdy success!