i have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and very much in love, but there is a very big age gap of 20 years. he has already been married and currently going through a divorce. he has 3 great children and i get on with his 2 sons but his eldest daughter doesnt agree with it. im scared to tell my mum and dad because i dont want to lose him. people will disagree with this relationship because of the big age gap. but does age really matter if its true love ?????
2006-11-12 21:44:14 · 28 answers · asked by lynzee x x x 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
im 18 and he is 38
2006-11-12 22:10:09 · update #1
true love conquers all ,go for it,life's too short to worry about what other people think.
2006-11-12 21:48:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in relationships with big age gaps- 11yrs, 10yrs, 9 yrs and it didn't work for me. I found that they were immature and suspected that was why they wanted a younger girl. One guy admitted he preffered younger women as they can with less 'baggage'! But, they were men who had crap jobs, no home of their own, no children ( or ones they had much of a relationship with) and I expect this was why they had never grown up. Every person is different, and it sounds like you are not having the problems I had. I think if it's true love then age really does not matter- I do know someone very happily married to a much older guy, and they have been together for years after getting married 2 wks into their relationship. Nothing is the same for any one couple. Follow you're heart, and eventually people will see that you make each other happy, and after all, is that not the most important thing? Good luck x
2006-11-13 05:49:55 · answer #2 · answered by emily_jane2379 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In an ideal world, relationships would exist where both partners would have unqualified love for each other. Generally, such relationships would occur where both parties have similar interests and are able to relate to each other on a level playing field. The opposite of this, is where relationships break down due to irreconcilable differences; inotherwords the parties involved no longer share common interests and see no point in pursuing the relationship. You have to decide where you fit into these categories bearing in mind that a 20 year age gap means that you are starting at a disadvantaged point. Perhaps you feel that you currently share a common cause but you need to consider how you will feel in 10 years time. If you are totally confident that the age difference will not be an issue then you should commit to your partner. I notice that you are scared to discuss your partner with your mother and father. This suggests that you are not entirely happy with the set up and that emotionally you are not ready to deal with someone who is 20 years older. Statistically, relationships with such vast age differences don't work out. Add to this my feeling that you are still quite young ......... my gut feeling is to advise you to think very carefully before you pursue this ..... good luck anyway
2006-11-13 06:00:05 · answer #3 · answered by Moose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You neglected to mention YOUR age, which has me concerned. If you're young enough to worry about your parents reactions, I can almost guarantee you are too young to be involved with a divorcee 20 years your senior.
Age does matter, and only people who idealize everything think differently. You have to give things a practical approach instead of only looking at the romantic factor. An age gap of 20 years is not something to be taken lightly, nor is the fact that his daughter is in disagreement with the relationship. Over time that will cause a rift between her and her father, that can only backfire on YOU, since you're the outside influence.
Where will he be when you're ready to have children? Is he even interested in more, having 3 of his own already? If you do have a child, will he be physically capable of raising it? You'll be bringing a child into the world who's father will be having a funeral shortly.
These are all of the practical questions you absolutely have to ask yourself, and often tend to get ignored while romanticizing the issue.
2006-11-13 05:49:17 · answer #4 · answered by Jaded 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No age does not matter. When I was 23 I feel in love with a man 19 years my senior, now looking back at the relationship, it was the best love of my life. He taught me so much as to life, sex, love and I appreciated him at the time but like you I thought about what people, family mainly, would think. Plus I had 3 small children of my own, so I opted after about 4 years not to stay in the relationship because of the age difference, which now I don't regret, but do believe I could have had an easier life with that older man. Well we stayed in touch over the years, without sex, and he became a very, very dear friend who passed away about 11 years now. I think that is one of the things that I did not want to put myself through and that was being a young widow and that was one of the factors I considered. To this day I miss his presence here on earth and I do think of him often. It is your life to live, please do not let what others think deter you. If it is love, true love, don't let it get away, if he loves you and you love him, then others will just have to look on in amazement and envy. Enjoy!!!!
2006-11-13 05:56:18 · answer #5 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you havent actually said how old you are. but no age does not matter. sometimes in life the right person for you may not be the same age as you. you just have to remember that it is how you feel not your parents. my mum and dad didn't agree with my relationship with my boyfriend and we have a 6 year age gap. but after 3 years we are happy and very much in love. sometimes its just a shock to other people how grown up you actually are!
2006-11-13 05:49:34 · answer #6 · answered by Kirsty N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
age is not a problem if the gap is not that big....u r still young and ur thoughts and feelings will be changed by time & u will regret it one day when u become 30 yrs old and he'll be 50.. think what u will be ur feeling at that time... may be he is a good person but just take him as an older friend and i think u should talk with ur parents and get closer to them more than that...
2006-11-13 07:43:46 · answer #7 · answered by www 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be very mature for your age but I reckon that it may not possibly work simply because he is so much older than you. He has much more life experience than you and the mismatch in your experience and his may end the relationship eventually.
You said he is in the middle of a divorce? Could he not be using you for support or even rebound? Its just suggestions but there are many other things to think about other than age.
2006-11-13 07:26:22 · answer #8 · answered by Mistress_T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on your age now. If you are 20 and he is 40, then no- the age difference is cool, but at some point- if this is something that lasts- you will be 40, in the middle of your sexual peak and sleeping with a sixty year old. Then I think it would matter, at least to me...
2006-11-13 05:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by skyflyer1021 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i guess it would depend on how old you are. if you are close to his oldest daughters age then that could be the reason the two of you don't get along. plus with that large of an age difference what can you really have in common with this guy. you should really think about the big picture then do what you feel is right. eventually you will have to tell your parents about him , so take that into thought as well.
2006-11-13 05:48:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Age gaps like this make it more difficult - any major discrepancy between partners is a challenge - but not impossible. Go for it - always better to regret what you have done than regret what you haven't. Good luck x
2006-11-13 05:47:04 · answer #11 · answered by misbehave4me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋