What could be wrong with me??

Question

I dont have any feelings.. like.. i dont love anyone... i dont hate anyone... i dont feel angry towards anyone... i dont feel happy ... i dont feel sad... Its embarissing to say that i dont really love my immdeiate family also. Only feeling i have is sympathy towards the under privilaged.
Evenif I get the best things in liffe... it wont make me very happy. People think that i am very mean.. This attitude of mine hurts other members of my family. I dont love anyone measn i dont hate them even. How can i change myself. Please help. I do have a good job.. a loving family everything is in place. But still I am not happy.

Answer 1

Really, this is something you may want to talk to a professional about; and maybe someone on here will give a better answer than I can, but I'll talk about what I know about just in case there's any insight for you....

Whether or not a good job or getting the best things in life would make you feel happiness is one thing. Usually, things like that make a person feel temporary job when they first get them, but that joy is often short-lived and generally may not give a person that "generalized" sense of joy that you may be talking about not having. So that's a separate issue from whether you love your family.

It is entirely possible that you have depression. That's why you should talk to someone. People can have some types of depression and not feel super-miserable all the time, but they don't ever feel super-happy either. Also, though, if you're a certain age (particularly early twenties or so) you could be in a phase of your life where you haven't quite found real happiness and where your feelings toward your family aren't the same as the feelings a child of, say, four, has towards people like his parents or his baby brother or sister. Your relationship with your family changes, and if you have family members who are either a little aloof or otherwise not particularly engendering of warmth and love you could have a kind of neutral feeling toward them (particularly if you're in a certain phase of your own life).

When you unquestionable love a family member you are concerned that they're healthy and happy, you would be horrified if they died, you want to do what you can to try to make them happy if they're not happy, you want to protect them if you can, but you also don't always have to talk about loving them. You just know its kind there - quiet and sure. Depending on the individuals involved, it can be more or less intense. It is very different, though, for adult-to-adult family-member love than it is for, say, parent-child or child-parent love. (Just some comments about love.)

If the "attitude" you have is hurting family members I assume you're saying or doing something that hurts them (or else not doing something, which hurts them) in some way. Try to hide the attitude a little. That should help with that. If you're so unhappy you cannot hide the attitude then talk to your family about the fact that you aren't as happy as you should be; and maybe help them understand that it isn't they when you show "attitude".

If you're a teenager or a young adult you're going through a time when you do kind of move away from family emotionally. It may not mean you don't love them, but it means you have trouble feeling that love or expressing it. In addition to a new level of freedom and responsibility when you're newly grown, there is also a certain type of sense of loss of how things used to be. A PBS special on the brain noted that the brains of teenagers and young adults are not quite finished yet (the pre-frontal cortex), and that can lead to their feeling depressed.

If people think you're mean that would be a concern because people don't usually think someone is mean unless they are mean. There is the chance you are mean, but then again, if it is a matter of saying things that seem mean, that could just be a matter of your not being mature enough to think about what you say and maybe edit yourself if it will hurt someone else's feelings or insult them. If you're physically mean to people or animals then you should see a doctor because that's a serious sign.

One thing about human nature is that very often people who can't muster up compassion or understanding for strong, capable, individuals (like, maybe, your family members) can actually muster up compassion for the down-and-out-ers. Since "love" usually involves some type of feeling kind of "maternal" toward someone it is sometimes easier to feel something for someone who is seen as "less" than for someone who is seen as "equal" or even "more". That's not love, though, it is compassion.

Love involves a strong bond, a certain amount of some version of respect, admiration and/or appreciation and a wish to protect. If you have family members who don't particularly elicit that type of thing it is possible it isn't you but is, instead, their personalities.

If you have compassion or kindness for underdogs and animals I'd guess you have in some way been either damaged or else depressed when it comes to your family. If you are genuinely cruel to people and animals (even if that's just yelling in a certain way) it would more seem like something "off" in your personality. Either way, a talk with a counselor wouldn't hurt.

If you're young it could just be that you're temporarily in a "pulling away" phase emotionally and that your life isn't yet what it needs to be in order for you to feel fulfilled and genuinely happy. That kind of happiness takes time and takes a certain set of relationships and experiences as well. Even if its just your age, though, it wouldn't hurt to talk with a counselor about it. You obviously are looking for answers, and a professional (one that you can relate to well enough) would be the one to give you some answers.

Finally, if you have a certain degree of depression that could affect your reasoning ability and ability to control your "miserable-ness" toward people that, too, could explain why you have an "attitude" and even why you may be "mean" sometimes.

Chances are you have feelings. You've just lost touch with them. See a counselor, and if that one doesn't seem right see a different one. Find out what is wrong, get your answers. Life is too short to feel you're not happy and don't know why.

Answer 2

Why does there have to be something wrong, why not just go with the flow. Maybe youre to look around and see the beauty in which life is and appreciate it. Sometimes in life your meant just to breathe. I agree with you when you say those things don't make you happy, they won't. They are nice to have, most people earn those things and appreciate it, they don't come easy. This might be a time of reflection on your own heart. A time of discovery of another side to who you are on this earth and how you contriubute to it. Have fun on your journey, record it for those that will come after you. just a thought and an opinion.....sometimes journeys in life are not by age but by experience and knowledge... kat

Answer 3

Listen, would I be wrong in guessing your age at 18-24? We go through changes at times. Maybe there are some scary feelings under the surface that you are trying to protect yourself from. It could be anything. Ride it out and try not to fret over it. If you really want to feel better, donate your time to someone or something, a cause or a kid. A friend or someone who's day you can brighten. When our own load weighs us down it helps to lighten the load of someone else.

Answer 4

You gave the answer youself!
You see, everything`s good in your life, you never had to sit and worry about anything!
You have to lose and get hurt to learn to appreciate.
If a major disaster comes, then you are going to learn how to feel.
Then it will be the time when you will discover and uncover yourself, your own truth.

But this thing that`s happening to you right now, is absolutely normal, it is not a dissorder, it is just the result of your environment.
So don`t hit your head on the wall trying to fix it! ;-)

Answer 5

I have a brother who feels the same way as you. Maybe it is him who wrote this post??? The only thing I can advise anyone who feels like you is to quote good ole' Abe Lincoln who said, "We all are just about as happy as we make up our minds to be."

Happiness is not a goal.........it is the journey itself!! Forget about things or people who make you happy, that is so fleeting and temporary, it will never suffice. Just make your own happiness. In fact, when you are happy within yourself, people will be attracted to you because they will want to know what makes you so happy!!!

Answer 6

I go through the same thing. Don't ever think you are alone. You can e-mail me anytime. Take care.

Answer 7

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