3 1/2 years ago i was with a man, who was married, they had an open relationship. I got pregnant. I now have a 2 year old daughter by him. He has only seen her a few times and we used to talk regular. He went oversees for 18 months and saw the baby both times he was home on leave. He has been home for almost a year now and has not yet asked to see our daughter. I was talking with his wife and found out he asked her for a divorce, I have not talked to him in quite awhile and he does not respond to my calls, emails or anything else. We have always said we were friends,and always would be at one point, he had said he fell in love with our daughter and myself but it was not really love , but why all the sudden stop the communication and not want to see his daughter? Im confused and hurt and lost. Im hurting for him for what he is going through and i have tried to tell him that, but i dont think he wants to hear it. he also just left to day for 5 weeks of training......thanks for any advice
2006-11-12 18:25:06 · 15 answers · asked by idontknowwhoiam 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why is his wife divorcing him? does he have some issues from being overseas (such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)? or perhaps he's just an @ss...
2006-11-12 18:30:03 · answer #1 · answered by onottopilot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kinda of a hard situation there Hun, But I'll lecture to you anyway, first of all you should not be with a married man whether they have an open relationship or not, all it will bring is drama and sadness to all parties that are involved, does he pay child support?
I really think that you should get over this drama and start getting you and your daughter in a stable relationship with someone that cares about you and your daughter...obviously he probably only sees his daughter because you urge him to, sounds to me that he may have a lot of children out there.
If you haven't already go to the family support division, go their and demand child support if he's not giving you any yet. You know their is such things as birth control, but in all honesty I think you love the man and was hoping to snare him by having a child with him. It takes two to tangle, and I believe you made the wrong choice...I'm sorry, if I sound crude or mean, but you got into this situation on your own, sometimes during sex we don't think of the future. Good luck to you and your daughter.
2006-11-12 18:44:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rule number 1: No matter how much you love or like someone who is married, Do Not Get Involved!
Thats my big rule! Reason, Due to the fact that marriage is a special thing between to people! However, You say you had a child with him, It is your respnsibility to take care of your child. If he does not want anything to do with the child, Then that is his loss. Trust me on this! If he is ignoring your calls, Just give him space and time.
By the sounds of things, It looks like he does not know what he wants in life. Unfortunately some people at his age still do not know what they want!
Dont call him as often, Try and cut the calls down to maybe 2 calls a week! I know you are hurting extremely bad at the moment, However, You have a child and need to focus on your child! Thats a new life in your hands! Make the child your number one priority, Pick yourself, Get things together and make the most of life!
It is time to do what most people hate doing! Moving on...
think about it, give it some time. After all, This is your decision, just make sure you make the right one!
2006-11-12 18:37:23 · answer #3 · answered by krazy_k006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg this is terrible...this "man" if thats what you wanna call him is not worth being a father...i have no children and im 46 and i always wanted kids...does he even have a clue? i would be contacting the authorities on this deadbeat and make sure he pays for his daughter and her upbringing...i think its time you and your daughter move on and find a real soulmate for you and a possible step-father for your daughterand she can find out the truth about him when shes a little older...im so sorry you have to go through all that. i think if it wasnt really love and the communication has stopped maybe the law can help him open his eyes....
2006-11-12 18:33:41 · answer #4 · answered by hardrox4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on young lady,
Life is to short to have so much baggage. Clean up and start anew. Your precious daughter deserve all the love and happiness life can bring and you will be able to give it to her...make her your only world...she will bring you lots of joy and will ease your pain.
Let this man go, he is a BIG LOOSER...don't start any relationship for 1 year....be very picky on your next relationship...you will be happier, though it will take time to get there....and most importantly.....you will be able to think more clearly then now......
Good Luck
2006-11-12 19:14:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wondering if he is trying to skip out on all responsibilities.....
leaving the wife> having to pay child support there or alimony and wondering if you're seeking it too...Thinking he can't afford anymore at this moment?
Just thoughts.
Looking at his past and how your relationship started I think I would steer clear as for a future for the two of you...I can understand how you would want him to know his daughter and her to know him....however I think I would think twice about this too.
Live your live for the two of you.(you and your daughter) He will seek you out if he wants too.Believe me when I say this >a Dead beat father is drama that no one needs.
If you able to continue as you have, then know you have tried and let it be.
Be happy and seek happiness else where....and with your daughter.
Best wishes
2006-11-12 19:03:09 · answer #6 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he is doing that it's time to just let him go as bad as that sounds. You have tried everything you have called and e-mailed. You have done your part now wait and see if he does his. If he doesn't do anything to see her again he is just a horrible father and your daughter doesn't need that type of father in her life. Just wait for him to respond you have done all you can. Just remember he better be paying you for child support.
2006-11-12 18:30:23 · answer #7 · answered by MEri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move on.. as hard as it maybe... i was kinda of in the same situation.. but i was married to the guy and he was abusive and cheated on me so i took our 3 month old son and left.... that was october 1st 2005.. he has saw him 4-5 times.... now he has no rights to him.. he signed them over.. this was after his girlfriend found out she was pregnant.... my x is too in the military.. i dunno its like when he joined he changed.... i was pregnant at the time... and spent my whole pregnancy alone b/c he was at basics....
there is light at the end of your tunnel... and life will go on and get better... i'm not with the most amazing man i've ever met.... and he is a father to my son.. no not his biological father... but he is "dadadeeee" as my 17 month old calls him.... you to will find a "father" for your daughter... and someone to love you and her like u all deserve to be loved... forget him... i promise it will b hard.. but it is do-able!!! you've tried... you've done all u can do.. you can not force a man to do anything...
try to move on with your life.. you will find happiness.. dont worry about this guy ... he sounds like a MAJOR LOSER!!!
good luck ... and make sure your baby girl has a Great Christmas!!!
ps.. yes you shouldnt of been with a married man.. you've learned your lesson.. its not like you can go back and change it.... but look at the bright side... you've got a precious baby girl out of it!!!!
2006-11-12 19:01:49 · answer #8 · answered by hopelessly_in_love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has moved on and you have not. never have a relationship with a married man.....it only ends like this....the guy is a mess...he has treated his wife badly, and you also...not to mentin the next lady....and your daughter will also be ignored and treated badly. some men are just like this....move on....try to make yourself a better life.
2006-11-12 18:45:06 · answer #9 · answered by intelligentbooklady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a man with no responsibilities at all, just forget about him, think that he doesn't exist at all and take care of your daughter.
2006-11-12 18:48:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋