Why can't I stand her? I mean, I absolutely can not stand her!!?

Question

I have a 3 year old daughter. I honestly can not stand her. I don't know if it's post partum depression from my 9 month old son, but she just keeps on doing stuff that annoys the heck out of me. On top of it, her father is no better than a 2 year old himself and never tries to teach her right from wrong. I get so furious with her. No, I don't go over the top and all out beat the heck out of her, but she is just too much. I honestly feel like she needs to be sent to a boarding school where they will force her to behave and obey without intentionally destroying everything she touches and intentionally trying to injure her little brother. She likes to throw glass and she likes to try standing on her brother when he's crawling around. That's not the worst of it, this is her on a good day. I honestly can not stand her and want to send her to a boarding school, and I hate feeling this way about her. I was not raised in a family like this, and I just don't like her.

I hate feeling this way, I can't help it. She is included in everything. She is given toys all of the time when funds are available, and I do spend a lot of time playing with her. I am usually a very patient person, but after so long it's just too much.

I would never harm my daughter. The one who says my words point to abuse is way off of it, because I do not abuse her. The most she gets is a pat on her bottom. And even that's as a last resort . I don't believe in harming children physically.

Answer 1

Most parents feel this way when a child has been acting out for a period of time. I admit to having the feelings of not being able to stand my own child. The difference is that this feeling ussually goes away shortly (mine never lasts more than a day or so). If you are feeling this way for a long period of time, you should see your physician and tell him about your feelings. It may indeed be post partum depression, or simply the stress of having two small children in the home. Your daughter is most likely acting out because she feels left out since the new baby brother came into the house. Try including her in activities like dressing him and bathing him. It may make her feel more included and less likely to try to gain attention by acting out.
Children are seldom mean and destructive on purpose, they often simply don't know how to express their feelings to you. I am willing to bet a little more inclusion into baby brother's care, and a little 'me alone time' with mommy and without baby (if you can swing it, maybe while he is napping) will sort this out.
Please don't fail to discuss this with your doctor!

Answer 2

Wow. I thought you were going to talk about a co-worker or an ex's new girlfriend or something like that...it was a shocker, but not all is lost. Have you tried therapy? It might be post-partum, but you should consult with a doctor about this. Did your daughter behave the same way before your 9-month old? Did you feel the same way before? Maybe she's jealous of all the attention lavished on the the new little brother, after all, she had been the only one for you until he came along. Are you maybe paying too much attention to the baby and (unknowingly) neglecting the daughter? Meybe that's what she's resenting. Try involving her in "babying" the brother, in activities concerning him, maybe even changing a diaper, feeding him, make her feel like she has a very important role in his life and that might modify her behavior. But again, for something obviously more professional, consult with a doctor. I might have a few suggestions but I'm not a professional, just like no one around here is in order to diagnose either you or your daughter ;)

Good luck!

Answer 3

This could indeed be issues with post-partum depression, or just anger. I'm not saying that this is bad - and you recognize that you've got a problem. I strongly suggest you get some counseling; if you can't afford it or don't have insurance, there are plenty of agencies where you can get counsling on a sliding scale. Please go for the sake of everyone in your family - you shouldn't have to walk around feeling angry and guilty. I learned long ago that the only person, ultimately, that I could change was MYSELF.

I would also like to suggest that if you are feeling angry enough to hurt her, that you contact a hotline such as a suicide prevention line. Even if that's not exactly what you're thinking of (and I don't think it is), there's a good chance that they can talk to you and/or direct you to a place that can.

My sincere best wishes and prayers are with you.

Answer 4

Get some help! Get some one to talk to (therapist, psychiatrist, etc).... Whether or not it is postpartum depression, they will help you figure it out and if it is not, they can still offer some help. I agree with those who think your 3 year old is acting out because she is jealous of the baby and wants more attention. While she will have to learn how to share, 3 is still very young, and she needs some time and attention for herself, too. I know it can be costly, but maybe you can hire someone to come into the house twice a week or so and help you with the children. Then maybe you all can play together or you can switch off and each of you get some time with each of the children. Do you take the children to any playgroups? (Again, I don't have any children of my own so I don't know how feasible it would be for you) but maybe try to set up some playgroups for the 3 year old to hang out with children her own age. Or maybe you could send her to preschool a few mornings a week to get her time away from the home and interaction with other children and adults. This would also give you time alone with the baby... Anyway, I know it must be hard, but try not to judge her, she is young and impressionable. When she acts up, try to distract her with better activities and actions rather than yell at her. I know it can be hard, but try to be very consistent with what she is allowed to do, how far she is allowed to go, and when she is allowed to do things. Children feel safer and are more undercontrol when they have certain rules and schedules that they know and must follow.
About her father who acts like a 2 year old, I would put him on the same schedule for a bit until he learns what your daughters schedule should be. If he doesn't get into it, maybe leave him home for a couple of days with the 3 year old and see that he eventually learns what he needs to do!

Good luck! If you don't already have one I'd get yourself into a local Mother's Club for mothers of young children so you can share some of your secrets and learn new secrets from other mothers..

Take care!

Answer 5

Hey you!
First of all, relax!
You are very tensed and mad

I maybe have an answer to your problem. I think that you hate the father of the child and she reminds you of him and what he did to you (whatever that may be). I am a mom as well of 2 kids. My daughter is 4 years old and she irritates the crap out of me too, but it's my own flesh and blood. Step away from the idea of who the father is and love your daugther to bits. She is seeking attention because of the little brother is the only one getting all the attention now. That frustrates a child very much! Learn to love someone for who and what they are. Sometimes i feel the same as you do, but then again i remind myself of how many people out there is dying to have children and can not.
Please keep in touch. Ciao

Answer 6

I think you need some serious help. Now. You're not a bad mother for feeling this way, but you obviously need some help dealing with the pressures that you are under, before something happens that you'll regret. Talk to your dr, and seek some counselling - it'll make life better for everyone in your household, including yourself.
God bless, my prayers are with you!

Answer 7

i understand how you feel. i went through the same 10 yrs ago. it takes great courage to admit what you are feeling. this is the first step towards healing your self. Children can get to your nerves. Being a mother is not easy. Motherhood and marriage are very difficult.

Maybe you should try to have a sitter or someone of your family for some "Me Time". you deserve it. go to a movie, to your favorite coffee shop, window shopping...

maybe, maybe, you should consider professional help. i did and it helped me a great deal. Please do not be offended by my recommendation.

Take care, and you can email if you want.

Answer 8

Try put yourself in her shoe. At the age of 3, your daughter wouldn't know that she had make you so annoyed. Since young, everybody will have their naughty period. Maybe when she grew up, she will tend to be more mature and care for you. Firstly you need to do at this moment is to show your care and concern and make her feel that you are a good mother and she will start to care for you.

Answer 9

If she is your own daughter she will love her and you do not want her to be put in a boarding school. I think you do not understand her feelings because you are her mother I think. Think her as your child. God bless you.

Answer 10

Your daughter still too young, and being her mother... teach her what is good and what is bad...in doing these and that, you have to instill disciplinary treats which your daughter can easily remember... if she's doing good or bad. And give her small reward if she keeps on acting good.