Many people are telling me I should of given him a 2nd chance. We were married for 10 years and dated 7 years before getting married. No children with this marriage. He was a perfect husband except for the one time affair which happen while he was away on business for 2 weeks. I would of never known about it if he did not tell me. He was very sorry and concern when he told me. But I made him move out and filed for a divorce because I felt if he cheated one time what would stop him to do it again. What do you think I should of done?
2006-11-12 16:46:42 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You did what you had to do. Being with someone you can not trust will kill a relationship no matter how many years you are together. I am sure he loves you and that you still love him. But it is to hard to be with someone you can no longer trust. Not only did you lose your husband but your best friend. Who knows what the future will hold. Hang in there..
2006-11-13 02:34:15 · answer #1 · answered by Mimi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
MIMI RN, being tough never helps. In the process you break what has taken a long time to build. I'm going to say somet tough things because you need to hear, and also someone else reading this might get a jist of what I am saying.
Women who earn more than their husbands think that you can pul strings as and when you want to. No tolernace ind of an attitude because I make the bucks here buddy...that's a big mistake.
No matter how much you make, molney can't buy you love. And remember, you will never get a love like the first love. truehe may have cheated on you but you are the slef rightous judge who does and has never done anything wrong to her hubby, that is why you would say...I made him move out...
We need to feel and have a forgiving heart. At some point or another you too have cheated on him but becasue he never knew, the marriage stayed on.
Well, I guess life is going on with him, but it stopped with you when you let him go.
If you think that he is worthy of you accomodation, then swallow your pride, call him, tel him that you too were wrong and are now ready to get things oatched up. See his views. if he is what I think he is, he will give his conditions.
Sorry that this may have been hard, but had to be said.
Good luck whichever direction you take.
2006-11-13 01:07:08 · answer #2 · answered by Trinity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well they say once a cheater always a cheater, but u have to give him something for even telling you. Did he tell as soon as he got home??? or did he wait?? that would make a big difference I think. But obviously he must have felt horrible about doing it or he would not have told you. And since he has moved out & all has he tried to work things out or has he moved on? That should tell you alot. If he has not been with anyone since he has left then hey he probably was telling you because he couldn't live with what he had done. And if you had the perfect marriage then you know what you are lucky. There are alot of people that never find that. People make mistakes & you can forgive him because you love him. Or not, you are the one that has to decide in the long run. Good luck & take care
2006-11-13 00:55:30 · answer #3 · answered by lori 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shared many years together. This is a hard thing. I would of done the same, but I've been with a cheating man before, so I'm already really watchful anyway. You might of been able to work this out, with counciling, but you would probably have a long, long time of questioning what he was doing if he was ever to leave you for any period of time. There is so much hurt that comes with cheating.
2006-11-13 01:40:32 · answer #4 · answered by Flying Cowgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You certainly had the grounds to do so, but I can't help but feel there were other problems, because as bad as that is, he did obviously regret it and he even was man up enough to tell you when you might not have ever known. That's pretty rare these days.
But, to each their own. For you, it may have been severe enough to say "that's it" and not look back. But a 17 year relationship (if it was going ok) is a lot to throw out when the guy is truly sorry for what he did and is asking your forgiveness. Which is why I say there must be some other things you were dissatisfied with, and this was an opportunity for you to end it.
2006-11-13 00:52:40 · answer #5 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have probably done the right thing. I qualify the statement with "probably" only because we can never be 100% sure of anything in this life.
But look at all the stories coming out about Reese Witherspoon's husband since the split. It wasn't one affair, it was heaps.
Look at Simone Warne and what Shane Warne put her through before she finally saw the light?
There is also the possibility that this is NOT a "one off" - it may be his way of getting out of the marriage. If he knows you will end it, and you haven't caught him yet, maybe his only option was to tell you. You see, this way HE doesn't have to be seen as the bad guy by ditching you.
The possibilities are endless, and only you can make the choice that is right for you.
2006-11-13 00:51:21 · answer #6 · answered by Gillian 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The basis of any good relationship is trust. It takes a life time to build and only seconds to destroy, once that's gone,so is the relationship. Besides once a cheat always a cheat. It could be worse, my ex cheated with my best friend of nine years.But I am thankful, because if it wasn't for that, I would have never met the wonderful man I'm married to,now. Life goes on, do what your heart tells you. You'll be just fine. Good luck.
2006-11-13 00:55:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys have been together for a while and even though he knew cheating was wrong, he still cheated on you. Hes not worth it and doesn't deserve a second chance because a cheater will always be a cheater and if he did it once he migh do it again! So you made the right choice to get rid of him and you deserve someone better than him
2006-11-13 00:51:45 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the only person who knows how you feel. Some relationships can survive, with hard work, after one spouse cheats - others cannot. It is obvious that you didn't want to continue in a relationship where you wouldn't be able to trust your husband. You did what was right for you and don't let anyone try and second-guess your decision.
2006-11-13 01:19:08 · answer #9 · answered by The Nana of Nana's 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wonder why he decided to tell you? He could have taken the secret to his grave, but didn't.
It depends on how much you love him and how much you want to change your lifestyle. There's personal property to consider and whether or not you want to live on your salary alone---and maybe that isn't an issue with you.
If you go with traditional wedding vows, you probably should give him another chance. I've seen many people who have and some worked out and some did not. It is your choice and since he voluntarily told you and he is sorry for his actions, it makes me think he really cares about you.
2006-11-13 00:55:44 · answer #10 · answered by nobluffzone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋