I believe that if I find a man that is a Christian, doesn't have drinking or drug problems, is honest and trustworthy to the core; it will be possible to have a lifelong relationship without having to accept infidelity, drug or alcohol problems nor lying. Am I just setting my standards too high in thinking this is possible? I'd really like to hear from long term married people on this subject.
2006-11-12 16:21:56 · 21 answers · asked by hearts_and_thoughts_2003 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are not setting your standards too high. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So, if you "shop" until you find a man who has all the qualities you want in a husband, you will get the husband you want. If you compromise on those standards, it will certainly come back to bite you...get a man with a history of drugs, lying, or whatever, and it is likely he will repeat that behavior sometime in the future. I am, as you put it, "long term married", and happily so: yes it is possible! You absolutely CANNOT change somebody, so keep looking until you find somebody so well suited to you, you don't wish to change him. I do not mean hold out for a perfect person...just someone whose faults do not happen to be deal-breakers to you. Especially if he has faults which you are able to laugh at!
2006-11-12 16:30:18 · answer #1 · answered by z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not naive. You just don't want someone who can break your heart or give you diseases. This world has so much problems. And you don't want a life of that. This is okay to feel that way. We all should want that. Yes, it may be hard to find, but it can be. I have been married to a great man for over 15 years. We have our ups and downs, but we are happy. We are Christians. God does help us daily in our marriage. We follow the guidance on marriage in the bible. People may feel that the bible is an old book, but really it has so much in it of value. Even today. If my husband was not a christian man, who knows what I would be going through right now. We love each other, and I enjoy being with this man all the time. Even the love making is great. That is because we are considerate of each other, and stick to each other. I don't worry about infidelity. Setting standards are okay to have. Just don't let the outward appearance be the greater thing you are looking for. It is the inner person of the heart that makes the man. Looks are a plus.
I really hope you can find the right person for your self. Be patient and strong. Pray to God to help you find a great man. And work on your own personality to. That really helps a marriage, when both people work on their personal faults, and are forgiving of the others. Many men out there are looking for a good, faithful women. A women who can stick by them even in hard times, and be a great mother to his kids. That is a rarity today.
2006-11-12 16:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many lifelong partnerships where this is possible but having said that I think it is somewhat naive to assume that because you and your partner are christian and dont have drinking or drug problems you will never have to face these issues. I myself have been shocked because I held this kind of viewpoint. It really depends on each situation individually and if you are a christian is is certainly very important to seek a relationship with a christian as the bible commands. Pray and seek God about his will for your life and suitable marriage partner. Expect to have some hurdles to overcome in marriage and don't go in expecting it to be bliss without any difficulties. I guess thats why we marry them for better or for worse.
2006-11-12 16:34:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Finding a Christian man is a great way to start. But remember people make mistakes. There is no such thing as a "perfect" marriage. Trust and unconditional love are key. Remember you each will at times have to forgive the other. Of course praying is essential to everything in life. That is what has helped me through many trials I have faced in my marriage & life. We have faced many things along the way that many people would have divorced over. I would like to recommend a great book too. It is called The Five Languages of Love. I have been married for almost 19 years and expect to stay that way until death do us part.
2006-11-12 16:32:02 · answer #4 · answered by tab 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are not setting your standards too high ! my husband and I are Christians, we have a great marriage, we don't cheat on one another, we're happy, and have no drug, or alcohol problems!
so yes, it's possible for you to have the same thing.
my parents were married for almost forty years, and still would be, but we lost mom last year, she had cancer. my parents were so happy together, they never cheated, still flirted with one another, gave each other compliments, went on dates, and were just a wonderful Christian example of how marriage should be. so that tells me you are in no way naive about marriage. you sound very wise. just keep looking, and keep praying, and I primise you, when the time is right, God will send that special someone your way.
2006-11-12 16:53:00 · answer #5 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of lables here. What do you mean by them? Trust is a process, not an outcome. In other words, its continual and its work. My husband and I are celebrating our tenth anniversary of when we first began to date tuesday and I love him dearly. We've also both changed as we have grown. I don't love him less, but I've acknowledged that I am still learning who he is after all this time--I learn new things. We have new challenges together. You should want honestly and if you require certain values in a marriage, that is what it is, but be flexible. Try to account for a difference in personal values between yourself and another person. You don't want low standards, but if you love honestly, you love a person inspite of their imperfections.
2006-11-12 16:31:28 · answer #6 · answered by celtwlite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I would avoid a christian like the flu, but if what you described is what you want, go for it.
The type of person, christian or not, is not the issue. It would be the level of love and trust you have between you that determines how long the relationship will last. I also forgot to mention sense of humor, patience, equality, respect, there's so much that makes a relationship work - not just what you mentioned.
2006-11-12 16:28:32 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You still have to work at the marriage. All you have done is lessen problems that are key to you. Your standards are not high. Thats what I looked for and found. Remember both people have to put in 100% not 50% each.
In my marriage we don't play games, we tell each other what we want in like gifts. Hints don't work with guys. Write it out and tell them exactly what you want. Bluntness works good in most situations.
2006-11-12 16:26:11 · answer #8 · answered by B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just because someone is "nice" does not mean that they are right for you. You must be compatible on different levels. I think that you are setting your standards too low. Never settle. Hold out for the real thing.
2006-11-12 16:28:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a gamble, no matter what your standards are. People change over time. Some people change the minute "I do" is said. The best you can do is find the best that you can and hope for the best to come.
2006-11-12 16:25:09 · answer #10 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋