I'v had 4 miscarriages now. One of them made it to week 21 and we gave birth to a stillborn baby girl. My husband seems to be losing his love for me. He really wanted children and made this clear to me when we married. Should I allow the relationship to disintegrate or should I try to save it? I love him deeply and sincerely and don't want to lose him, but I want him to be happy and have children if this is what it takes?
whenever I post this people always either say "get help from Doctors" or "Adopt"
My response to this is that we ARE getting help from doctors, each miscarriage has been found to have no cause, just bad luck, there is nothing wrong with me or husband, and as for adoption. This takes money and time (7 years wait for a healthy child and there is no guarantee) but we have signed up and have been waiting a year and a half.
I just want to know if I should leave the marriage. That is my question. What would you do if youre husband wasnt' happy with you anymore?
2006-11-12 16:03:04 · 25 answers · asked by stripedbook 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he love you indeed,he will stay with you.If he does not love you,he will put any excuse to finish the marriage.I know many friends who are married, and have not children,and they are living happy everyday.If my wife should not have children,I always should be with her.
2006-11-12 16:31:17 · answer #1 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not the only one who miscarried. Guys respond differently to losing a child than women. Some people don't always realise, even the man that they lost a child too. The woman was close to the child due to carrying it inside her. The man didn't carry the child but they get attached to it too. He is angry and he is directing it you, which isn't fair. You need to have some understanding. I'm sorry you lost so many children. I can understand that it is hard on you and on him.
I would not leave the marriage.
He may also be angry that he can't do anything about losing the children. Its frustration too.
I would go to couseling and have him go with you or have him go alone. He needs to get his feelings out. He may not realise that he is upset over the miscarriages.
2006-11-12 16:19:34 · answer #2 · answered by B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't leave your marriage. The whole reason why you two wanted a baby in the first place is because you loved each other enough to create life together. I must say, I am VERY sorry for all the trauma you have gone through. I cannot relate, but I am very terribly sorry to hear all this. I suggest you find a good church, talk with some pastors (both you and your husband), and pray about it. Talk with OUR creator and see what happens. And honestly, from my experience (I have 2 children), when you quit trying, things happen. You stress out, or think of it too much, things have a way of not happening. When you let nature, AND GOD, take their course, miracles happen. And that is what you need.
I think your husband is truly just hurt. His heart has shattered, as yours has over these babies, and he probably just needs to get it out. Try to talk with him, in a calm manner, and just listen to him. Men have a way of dealing with things...way different from ours.
Good luck to you. I pray your baby journey will end in happiness. :)
2006-11-12 16:15:18 · answer #3 · answered by the_proms 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all ,I am so sorry for your losses. It sounds as if your husband has depression and unknowingly taking it out on you. Men have a bond with the unborn child too, so he too is mourning the loss. It is also a sense that he cannot protect you and the baby. I'm sure deep down, he realizes that you have no control over these miscarriages. I would talk to a counselor about your losses. I wish you and your husband the best of luck.
2006-11-12 16:37:48 · answer #4 · answered by Lissa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going through a very stressful time and have had a lot of heartache. It may not be that you husband isnt happy with you but rather that the pressure of recent times has taken its toll on him. He may even be depressed. Go easy on yourself and don't read anything into your husbands actions that may not actually be there. Try and have open communication with your husband and be open and honest with him about how you feel. You have been through a very hard time together and marriage is for better or for worse. You may find that getting through this together will make you stronger when you get out the other side.
2006-11-12 16:09:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys like to fix things when there is a problem. He is probably getting upset because this is not as simple as "fixing" it, and in turn may be taking some of his frustration out on you. Now, I'm not saying that it's right for him to do this, but it's definately not right for anyone to leave a marriage because of this. I know there are many fertility drugs that can be taken, but the most important thing that you need to have is faith. Faith that there is a reason for these miscarriages; that it's not the time for you to have kids. This is not an easy thing to deal with. It's very hard on everyone's emotions. Make sure that you deal with things that may be keeping you and your husband from remaining close. Keep praying about this. In the Bible, Abraham and Sarah were barron for years. They prayed and stayed faithful to God until their 90s when He finally blessed them with children. Abraham came to be the father of all of the Jewish. Now I'm not saying you're going to have to wait until you are 90, but there is a reason for everything God does in our lives, and were are not meant to always understand the purpose or reason. Remain faithful, stay with your husband, and pray about this. I believe God will bless you with great things.
2006-11-12 16:14:20 · answer #6 · answered by karime444 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you know he's angry with you? He could be just angry and frustrated in general, because he doesn't know what's going to happen. He may be angry at God, or feels out of control. If he was truly angry with you for miscarrying, he'd be a jerk in any number of ways, not just this. It takes a real peabrain to be angry at someone for something totally out of their hands. Nowhere are you saying he is telling you he's angry with you, which leads me to think it's an assumption on your part.
I think what's happening here is you two have quit talking; you feel somehow responsible for the miscarriages, and are mistaking his frustrations for dissapointment with you. I bet if you talked about it, you two would unite on this rather than divide. He's signed up with you on adoption, so he's not thinking about getting out, so why are you?
This is a big issue here, no doubt about it, but this is where you decide if you're going to fish or cut bait, and you owe it to him to at least try to get to the bottom of why he's acting the way he is. You might find out that it grieves him tremendously that you assume he's angry with you.
Now, having said all that, if in truth he is angry with you over the miscarriages, then you've got some soul searching to do, but you need to let him know how irrational that anger towards you is before making a decision.
Bottom line: give him a chance to do right, one way or the other, before deciding to end it.
2006-11-12 16:09:58 · answer #7 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried a surrogate? Perhaps someone else may be able to carry your baby to full term.
I wish you good luck dear. Maybe while someone is surrogating a child for you, you may destress and have a healthy pregnancy afterall. My personal opinion is you are too stressed to carry for the pressure you and your hubby are putting on having a child. Take a vacation just the two of you and enjoy each other. Love and Peace.
2006-11-12 16:09:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
U shud actually think twice abt the marriage..
This is the time a husband needs to be by the wife's side..Not be upset..He's suppose to share this sorrow with you,supports u,cheering u up...a shoulder to cry on and motivates u..y the hell is he throwin anger on you??!!..If just not getting a child gets him this upset..then he does not love u as much as a husband shud love the wife..Iam sorry to say this.Whether or not u could be a mother...he should love u n no other reason could overcome that!
2006-11-12 16:18:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many miscarriages that are caused by problems with sperm. You definitely shouldn't leave the marriage. Try and find out if his sperm are in good shape. I hope he is open to finding out. He shouldn't be mad at you in any case.
Lots of luck, I hope your love for each other is strong enough to find a way through this.
2006-11-12 16:31:55 · answer #10 · answered by Alex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not your fault. If your husband is getting mad over something that is beyound yours and his control then he is only caring about himself. Yes children are a rgeat thing but having someone to spend your days with is just as good. If you love him then stay in the marriage and then tell him that if he thinks he can do a better job at having a child then he can give birth, then inform him that you are trying. If this is something that bothers him then he might not love you as much as he claims, you should talk to him about it and find out the truth before it is to late.
2006-11-12 16:09:00 · answer #11 · answered by forbiddenmoonlightkiss 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋