When my fiancee reminds me of my Dad.............?

Question

I love my fiancee dearly and he is a good man but i notice that whenever he does something to remind me of my dad, I feel I want to run as far away from him as possible. My dad is a very cold and distant man who is very hard to please and it took me years to rise above the damage he had done to my self esteem growing up. If my fiancee agrees with anything that he does, or tried to see reason in his coldness, I feel that one day he may become like my dad and I cant handle that. I dont want my father to cause me to not have a loving relationship with my loving christain husband.

GOOD ADVICE ONLY PLEASE MALE OR FEMALE!!!

Answer 1

It seems to me that you should value your fiances advice; I can understand if it makes you a little uncomfortable, but it is possible that maybe your man can help you resolve this issue entirely, or at least find peace with the matter so that it doesn't eat at you. The best thing to do is to pray about it, and talk with him openly and honestly about the matter, keeping an open mind.

Answer 2

You said fiancee, so you are planning a wedding. I think you should sit down with your father (biological father?) and discuss your self-image and your self-esteem issues you say he caused. Make it a pre-wedding conversation that involves your fiancee even if he is not there for your first meeting. The answers to your questions are so important to your future relationships especially with your husband to be as well as your relationship with your father. For the sake of your children, you need to carefully and peaceably "clear the air" between you.

Answer 3

We often choose mates that remind us of our opposite sex parent, even without noticing. In order to have a good relationship with your future husband, you may have to mend the one you have with your dad. You have all this emotional baggage from when you were a kid. You may want to talk with him about how growing up the way you did has affected you. If you can't talk to him, work through your feelings in a letter. I seriously recommend couples counseling before you marry, let your guy know that you have some issues with your dad that have resurfaced in his relationship with you, and that you never want this to interfere with the relationship you two have. If he won't go, you should go by yourself.

Answer 4

Maybe he is like your dad and your just now starting to see it.. I have seen this with some of my friends, it's like the very thing you always thought you'd avoid !!!!!

but, subconsciously it's the thing your most accustomed/ comfortable with! I may be way off base here but like I said I have seen it before. It's like a-lot of men they tend to marry women that have some of their mother's traits whether good or bad. It's natural for humans to want familiarity.. Step back ,Take a second look you never know what you might see.

Answer 5

It sounds like you have some stored up emotions about your father, and it would probably be a good idea for you to see a counselor for a few sessions to work through some of those emotions.

Start with that, and see what happens.

Answer 6

Red flag number one: reminds me of cold dad.

Red flag number two: christian. I've found christians to be some of the meanest, most selfish, evil, heartless people I've ever encountered in my lifetime. The christianity is just a front. Many are stone-cold to the core.

I strongly, highly recommend you postpone the marriage indefinitely - until you see whats right before your eyes. Your gut already knows - give your brain a chance to catch up. I hope it does!

Answer 7

You need to discuss all these things you are feeling with your husband-to-be. Do it before you get married. Any issue this important should be discussed and resolved prior to marriage.

Answer 8

questions now most often turn to troubles and regrets later....