I dont know what to do anymore, yet i hate feeling sorry for myself, i just feel so angry and depressed...?

Question

I dont really know why im writing this Im a 21 y/o male, apparently im an attractive guy and have a great personality (from what people tell me) yet ive never had a girlfriend..Ive only ever kissed a girl once, and now it is taking its toll, when ever i try getting to know someone they show interest for a while, nothing progresses, or then they go cold on me. Im turning to drugs and alcohol now and feel like im letting myself go, although on the surface people probably wouldnt realize my pain. I learnt to put on a face.

I dont know what to do , Im becoming an alcoholic , and abuse harder drugs, and no one except my best mate really knows..

So im resorting to this, I cant keep dumping everything on my friend (although he is a christian) as i would feel guilty...

Please understand im not trying to make everyone feel sorry for me, Im just trying to get it off my chest, before I do something irreversible.

thanks for bothering to read this.

Jase.

Answer 1

I'm a little younger than you are, but the only time I've kissed a girl was spin the bottle. The first time that the bottle was spun, it got me and one other girl; she refused to kiss me and quit playing the game. I've never had a girlfriend either.

It's not a bother to read what you wrote, not a bother at all.


I wanted to find some words on a card
That would help to get thru it when life gets so hard
It seems you can't bear it - perhaps can't go on -
When deep in the heart there's no trace of a song.

Some words that would comfort - when late in the night
the trials return and - you're too tired to fight.
Or the tears flow so often it seems you'll run dry.
And life gets so tough that you just want to die -
Or at least go and hide - where you're safe from all pain.
Someplace you can rest 'til you find joy again.

What are the words you so need to hear -
That will help and will heal and remove all the fear -
That builds up inside 'til you think you'll explode -
What are the words that will lighten the load?

If only I knew the right words to say
To encourage and Bless you or comfort some way.
I know not the words but this I can do.
I shall offer up Prayers to the Father for you.




See It Through
Edgar Guest

When you're up against a trouble,
Meet it squarely, face to face;
Lift your chin and set your shoulders,
Plant your feet and take a brace.
When it's vain to try to dodge it,
Do the best that you can do;
You may fail, but you may conquer,
See it through!

Black may be the clouds about you
And your future may seem grim,
But don't let your nerve desert you;
Keep yourself in fighting trim.
If the worst is bound to happen,
Spite of all that you can do,
Running from it will not save you,
See it through!

Even hope may seem but futile,
When with troubles you're beset,
But remember you are facing
Just what other men have met.
You may fail, but fall still fighting;
Don't give up, whate'er you do;
Eyes front, head high to the finish.
See it through!


A PSALM OF LIFE
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

TELL me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream!
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating,
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act, -- act in the living Present
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time; --

Footprints that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
Forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.



You can do it. Seriously.
Try to stop yourself from drowning in sorrow, you can make it!

I know what you mean by "I learnt to put on a face."
I also learn how to put on a face, but that was one of the downs in my life. Don't worry, you'll get just as many ups as you'll get downs. Wait and you'll see.


Good luck and may a compassionate God help you and bless you.

Answer 2

Jase, it is ok if i call you that?
You are going through a really hard time right now in your life, and it seems to me that you don't have alot of confidence in yourself and that you suffer with alot of insecurities.
If i can be really honest with you i would say that my brother who is 24 had the very same problems as you do now, so you are not alone in the world.
He had no confidence in himself whatsoever and i could never understand it, he was attractive, he had a great personality, and a great job as a Detective Constable for the Metropolitan Police so i couldn't understand for the life of me why he felt so insecure around women.
I will tell you the same thing that i told him, life as we know it is too short to be insecure, just because you haven't been with a woman or never had a g/f is not the end of the world. There is somebody out there for everybody it may not happen today, nor next month but it will happen.
No one can predict the future, you could walk down the street tomorrow and bump into that someone so don't be a fool (and i say that in the nicest way), don't turn to drugs and alcohol as it will screw you up and then you won't ever have a chance of meeting that special someone because you will be too far gone for anyone to save you, even your'e christian friend.

Answer 3

Jase,

If it makes you feel better I am a 19 year old who has never really been with someone truly serious, but I don't let it get me down. I don't need someone else to make me happy with myself and that is something you just have to learn. Being in a relationship is not going to make you happier with yourself. You have to make that happen on your own and ideally you need to do it before you get serious with someone.

Alcohol and drugs will never solve anything. They will only create more problems for you in the long run and they cannot make you happy (they sure can screw you up though) Perhaps you need to see a therapist to discuss the problems you are having. It sounds to me that you are clinically depressed and you could stand some anti-depressents. I have been on them before and they really helped me get through some hard times in my life. Depression may be your root issue here.

Also, as far as relationships go they aren't really easy for anyone and I don't think many people find the right person in the very first few real relationships that they have. Give it some time. There is someone out there that will work for you. Get your act together and get some professional help and you will again be ready to go look for the right one!

Answer 4

Maybe you are trying too hard. Girls are attracted to guys that don't give them too much attention. Sadly girls are weird. I would not invest too much into a girl right away. A girl usually turns cold because a guy is too nice and i know again this is strange, but you have to pull back a bit. Get passionate about something music, writing, sports etc. Then you will fulfill yourself instead of numbing yourself out with drugs. plus girls really love guys that are into something. Look a t soccer players, musicians etc, They get all the girls for a reason. Also it sounds like you are a bit bummed out just in general and you may want to write out to yourself why you feel like this. One last thing you sound like a sweet guy and a girl wants a guy to not be too interested at first but a nice guy in the long run.

Answer 5

Hey Jase- it's ok to feel lonely at times. Do u ever take time to think about WHY ppl turn cold on u or dont bother to stick? Maybe its...confidence??? I have two freinds right now. One is extremely pretty but very paraniod and self conciousness, and one is not so pretty but beleives in herself and her looks, and I kid u not, the not so pretty one runs thru more guys than me and my freind together! Another maybe is the fact that ure LOOKING for a girlfreind. Maybe by doing that u stop being ureself in order to please others and no one gets to see that wonderful personality of urs. Stop looking and when Love is ready, it will find you. As for the drugs and alcohol, that is never a way to solve problems. Thats a way of escaping. And by escaping from problems, u r also escaping from potential solutions (girlfreind?) just keep ure head up and be yourself and the best will find you.

Answer 6

You need a friend, a close friend to talk to and let go with. As far as girls go, someday that special someone will come and when she does, you'll know it. There won't be any second guessing or wondering. But if you plan to have a future you need to get off the drugs and alcohol and find a better path to go down.

Answer 7

You need to get out more. There's so many things out there waiting for a person like you to come along. Im guessing you feel out of place but really your not the only one. There's someone that's going through more problems but still wakes up every morning and appreciates all the ups and downs of life. Dont be discouraged. Things will get better homie

Answer 8

I am truly sorry that you are going through this diffucult time right now. When a person feels like there is no way out of their problems, they usually resort to abuse of alcohol and drugs. This is a serious matter, I think that you really need to talk to someone who can help you before it is too late. Please go to a councelor for this problem. The affects on your mind can get worse if you do not stop this abuse. Drugs and alcohol can not reduce the problem completely, only increase it. It brings down your self esteem even more. You may think that no one likes you or can't get close to you. But i'm sure in time, when you stop hurting your self, people will again try to be your friend. Some men out there have not had a girl friend before either. And they may be in there late 20's. You have so much life left in you, fight for it. Give your self a chance to heal, and be better for your self.
An Article published in the New York State Journal of Medicine says: "When drugs and even alcohol, become the means of easing difficult situations--academic, social, or interpersonal--the necessity for learning healthy coping skills is removed. Effects may not be felt until later in adulthood, when establishing close personal relationships then proves difficult, leaving the individual emotionally isolated." It is far better to meet and deal with problems and difficult situations directly. Head on! You have a good friend, he can be a great help to you. But you also need to find other friends, there may be others who have went through what you are going through, and survived it. These ones can be found at group meetings for former alcohol abusers and drug abusers. When you go to counceling you will be able to meet them. Your life has value, and please don't throw it away. Try to throw your burden on God, and lean on him. Pray before you do anything harmful. It takes real courage to stop doing what you are doing. You can muster it up! Beleive me when I say this to you. When I was young, I had very bad self- esteem problems too. I had a best friend who was beautiful. I thought that I looked like an ugly duckling. People would even ask, what she saw in me as a friend. Mind you, I wasn't ugly, I just made myself look that way, by my own personality, and feelings. This effected my relationships and my family. I did meet a man who I thought wanted only me. He broke my heart big time. For two years I just didn't care about myself and did awful things. I felt I deserved all the bad I received. But when I started to really rely on God's help, and built up myself esteem. I found a great man, one who truly loved me for me. He, till this day thinks I am the most beautiful women around. Even with all my faults. My husband is a gift from God that I don't deserve, but whom I am thankful for. Now we have children who I am so proud of. I'm glad I did not throw my life away all those years ago. Please don't give up. The pain will not last forever. Thanks for letting me talk to you.

Answer 9

It sounds like you are feeling lonely and depressed. Are enrolled in college or other classes where there are other people there to meet? Like a poetry class, for example. College is a great place to meet people.

I think it would be a good idea to find a therapist. They can help by listening to what you have to say and offer you some coping skills in dealing with what you are going through. That way you are not feeling like you are burdening your friend so much.

Answer 10

That's actually a common feeling, Jase.
So, it's not just you - other people have felt the same way, and a lot of them have gotten past it, without drugs or alcohol.
Suggestion: get some professional help, perhaps at a community mental health center.
Try talking to your parents to see if they can help you get any help, perhaps through their medical provider.