It seems as I am subconsciously mean. It is possible to change this?

Question

I am almost subconsciously mean. I don't know why and it has been this way for like the past five years. I am somewhat of a social misfit (I am in high school last year). I was sexually abused as a kid so I guess it might be insecurity but, I just find myself just blurting out really mean stuff when someone says something that is slightly incorrect. As you can imagine, people don't like me much. Is there a way I could change this? I have tried the whole counting before you talk and it only lasts for a while. I guess another thing is that I don't have much to be happy about. I have no girlfriend or great friends. Just a bunch of really hard classes. So, has anyone had this problem and what do you suggest?

Answer 1

If you were sexually abused as a child, your psyche has been raped as well. You are in desperate need of counselling. Don't feel you are alone, because some statistics indicate that 1 in 4 girls are sexually abused, as compared to 1 in 6 boys.

Here is something for you to consider, also...

#4 NINE STEPS FOR SEXUAL ABUSE VICTIMS

Step 1: I recognize that I am powerless to heal the damaged emotions resulting from my sexual abuse, and I look to God for the power to
make me whole.

Step 2: I acknowledge that God's plan for my life includes victory over the experience of sexual abuse

Step 3: The person who abused me is responsible for the sexual acts committed against me. I will not accept the guilt and shame resulting from those sexual acts.

Step 4: I am looking to God and His Word to find my identity as a worthwhile and loved human being.

Step 5: I am honestly sharing my feelings with God and with at least one other person to help me identify those areas needing cleansing and healing.

Step 6: I am accepting responsibility for my responses to being sexually abused

Step 7: I am willing to accept God's help in the decision and the process of forgiving myself and those who have offended me

Step 8: I am willing to mature in my relationship with God and others.

Step 9: I am willing to be used by God as an instrument of healing and restoration in the lives of others.

I certainly wish you well and may God bless and strengthen you.

Answer 2

You can change this. I always spoke the truth which is sometimes mean. To change it you have to just be silent. Everything does not require a comment on your part. I even started answer "I Don't know" to questions that I didn't have a nice answer for.

As for not having anything to be happy about, your outlook may be what is keeping you from having great friends or girlfriends. Also, your words have power. I think you can attest to that. Whatever type of energy you put out, that is what comes back to you. Besides, life is something worth smiling about. You still have the opportunity to go out and become whatever you choose. The sky is really the limit. I'd be really happy about that.

Just try being silent for like a week. I think by observing others you'll find out that most people are like you, a little insecure, trying to find their place in the world. Once you accept that everyone has some sort of issue, and it isn't your place to constantly point out areas that someone might need improvement, you'll be okay. And you might even make some friends.

Answer 3

Everyone has it rough in life at some point or another. A majority of people get abused. It doesnt mean you have the right to be a dick. Im sure you know this already.

If you are SERIOUS about wanting to be a better person. Try the following:
1. Meditation ( many different styles to choose)
2. 1 good deed a day, keeps assholes at bay.
3. End each and every sentence with something positive.
4. Change your sources of entertainment.
5. Find humour in things rather than people.
6. Pay it forward


FYI: in order for you to have a really great friend, first you must be one!

Good luck!

Answer 4

I agree with K2U. You should try praying to God and ask for his help. God WILL respond. At the very least, read up on the subject. There are plenty of "gurus" that can teach you how to build good character.

It seems to me you have some anger inside of you that you have not expressed and it has built up over the years. You need to figure out how to release it and get it out of your system. Look into Yoga or Meditation. This will teach you to control your emotions rather than they controlling you.

Another recommendation is to talk to a therapist. From what I observe about what you wrote, you are not talking to a lot of people about your feelings. Make an appointment and get those things that are bothering you off your chest. You will feel better.

You should also consider writing in a personal diary. Anything you can do to pour out what you are feeling will go a long way to relax you. Next time you blurt out something not nice, write about it. Explore your feelings as to why you said what you did.

If you truly learn to understand who you are, you will change your entire life.

Answer 5

I'm not all knowing by any means, but I'm interested in sharing my thoughts with you because I honestly believe they might just be some that will be of help to you.

It's possible that the abuse you experienced as a child is partially responsible for your behavior. I'm sure you both consciously and subconsciously identify the sexual abuse you experienced as something that is wrong. So, when you hear someone express something that you consciously consider incorrect (or wrong), even though you know it has nothing to do with the wrong of sexual abuse, it's possible that your subconscious automatically triggers a conscious response that objects to the wrongness of whatever was expressed without regard to the fact that what was expressed has nothing to do with sexual abuse. So, whenever you consciously think that what you've heard someone say is wrong (or incorrect) your subsconscious kicks in and causes you to act as though someone is expressing approval of sexual abuse. The result is that your response is understandibly a very mean one.

What you need to do to kill these subsconsciously trigged mean responses is to train your subsconscious to recognize the difference between everyday wrongs and the wrong of sexual abuse. I believe this can be accomplished more easily that you may realize. It's a known fact that many inventors use their subsconscious to come up with solutions to common problems. They do so by asking themselves for a solution on a daily basis. Their subsconscious tries to provide a solutions by sending thoughts to their conscious mind. That's why successful inventors often wake up in the middle of the night and write down their thoughts or dreams. They recognize that what they write down is coming from their subsconscious and might just be a solution to one of their problems.

In your case, you should ask yourself everyday what you can do to solve your mean behavior. Your subscontious (which is probably the source of your problem) will eventually send the correct message to your conscious, and your subconsciously triggered behavior problem will be over. It's possible that it will disappear just because of your having read this response. But for that to happen, I think you have to believe you've found the solution to your problem. This has to make sense to you.

You might want to just think about what I've written and then ask yourself whether this might be the solution you've been looking for. You don't have to stand in front of a mirror and verbally ask the question. Just thinking the words "is this the solution" every day is sufficient. Your subsconscious will respond by way of thoughts or dreams.

What can you lose? The only thing I can think of is your mean behavior. Wouldn't that be great!

Answer 6

This sounds like "passive-aggressive" behavior, which, given your background, is totally understandable. I think you might really benefit from some short-term counseling, to help you reconcile your past with your present behavior. We all do and say things that are sometimes inappropriate, but, when a behavior interferes with your ability to be happy, or enjoy normal activities (like having friends), then it might be time to ask for professional assistance to help in resolving the underlying issues. You've already done the hardest part, and that is, recognizing that "something" is wrong. Being honest with ourselves is no easy task. Be brave and go forward with steps to get you and your life back on a happier track. It won't be easy, but, nothing as important as your future happiness should be taken for granted. I wish you courage and luck.

Answer 7

First of all, I am so deeply sorry for what you had to go through as a child. It is by far the most HORRIFIC situation to ever be in. You are so brave in the way you speak about it. People that do this to others deserve NOTHING more than death. They don't deserve a breath of life when they are robbing another of one.

Secondly, what is happening here is that you are not able to distinuish the pain from your childhood to your current events in your life. You had no voice as a child when someone was abusing you and therefore, your brain is now lashing out from the past but at current situations. Make sense? It's the way the human brain works. We have what's called triggers and they can come in many different situations. If a person was traumatized as a child, they can be triggered easily as an adult. Being abused is absolutely a trauma. We as children just don't realize we're being traumatized.

I am making this a long answer because it is very important for you to understand what's going on in order for you to be able to find that happiness. What's also happening is that, as a child, you were not able to process what was going on but you knew that it was not fun. So what happens is that in a child's brain, they think they're doing something wrong to deserve the abuse. And then as an adult, those lashing out's that you're doing are acutally a way of punishing yourself because you still feel you're doing something wrong,, and the lashing out is a way for you to say "see, i deserve to be lonely" "I deserve this". It's a sick game the brain plays but it's because of the perpetrator. They are truly the evil one.

What you need to do is get very angry at the person who did this to you. Preferably under the supervision of a therapist. This anger needs to ALL be directed towards this sick, perverted loser of a person (I don't care WHO it is, whether it's your dad, uncle, whatever,,, they are bottom of the barrel losers who took NO responsibility for their sick actions). They deserve nothing more than to lay in a bed of fire ants and you need to have the same anger! I wasn't abused and I have more anger than you. :). Get angry. get angry at this person and then begin the recovery. Once you begin the recovery, the proper energy will be directed to the proper situation and you will feel the need to lash out less and less.

Again, I strongly recommend a counselor to help you with this. They are incredibly helpful and they deal with this all the time. Don't be afraid. Be courageous. It is the only way for you to experience the happiness you deserve.

Trust me, if I knew of this person, I would personally go chop his nuts off and feed them to him over a bowl of cheerios.

We really need to get much more vigilent about prosecuting people that do this, It is ridiculous to me that someone can rob a child of his entire life and just walk away scott free. Are you KIDDING ME?>???? when are we going to say "enough's enough, you're going bye bye...forever". No more of these stupid judges slapping hands and saying you get 3 years. yeah, right,,, 3 years. How about 300 years?

Answer 8

since you seem to already have a good understanding of what is making you angry it may be difficult to change the behavior before you treat the underlying trauma you faced and it is a trauma so traumas need extra attention no one should have to deal whith what you are dealing with but since you were victmised i sugest you get the help you so deserve check listings for free group sessions for abuse and or seek private counseling. because your psyche is filled with pent up negative thoughts they are comming out . i always suggest rehearsls i know this sounds weard but practice in your own mentl comfort levle conversations that you might encounter and visulise your replys being amiable and even whitty . its amazing what this can to what we can see can become so. surround yourself with people you like and you feel you can trust. you are not a misfit you just havent met your matches yet chances are you are very intelligent and get fusterated with ignorance. just try try to be patient with people . there are good people out there that will like you and wont hurt you . i just think you are trying to protect your self which is understandable but it is getting in your way now. best wishes dear and please get some help you dont have to fight this alone

Answer 9

If this is coming out of your mouth then it's not all subconscious. You have to think about it consciously to say it. The other person said you should pray about it. Even if you aren't religious, you may want to check out your local Christian young adult group because you will find that the people there are just different. Seriously - check it out, they won't judge you; and if you don't like it, you haven't lost anything.

Answer 10

the first thing you can do is pray repent to god and ask him to help you be a better person trust me i'm no saint but i know that this works go to him he will help you just believe ok sweetie and tell him all thats going on he's just waiting on you to talk to him he will work it out for you ok give him your problems and let him work it out for you ok good luck sweetie