How do you know in a marriage when enough is enough .?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 7yrs. Both of us come from divorced families. We like both of our parents have 2 children.According to my husband all we have ever done is fight.Of course I don't agree it's just been little arguements here and there for the last two years.Here lately they seem to be getting worse.They started when I was pregnant with our 2nd child and he cheated on me.We separated for about 4 months and the whole time I was miserable w/o him.I truly loved him then (& still do) and he moved back home.For the last yr though it seems like things have fallen apart.He says he doesn't love me anymore but won't leave. When asked if he wants a divorce he says I don't know.His answer to everything is "I don't know" He doesn't know if he loves me,he doesn't know if he cares about me, he doesn't seem to know anything where he and I are concerned.So how much I don't know is enough when you love someone as much as i love him?How long do I have to be miserably in love?

Answer 1

good grief. right now, you're letting him call all the shots. You're totally dependent on him. Everything you do is determined by whether or not he loves you.

It sounds like you guys got married way too young and you haven't figured out what it takes to build a relationship. Most people don't so i'm not critisizing you.

Basically, you both are trying to resolve issues with your own parents, All couples do this. We choose mates that mostly resemble both our parents. The more dysfunctional our parents relationship was with each other and us, the more dysfunctional our relationship is going to be with our husbands/wives. UNLESS you go to counseling and learn proper tools to building a foundation.

Right now, all you two have to go by is what you learned from your parents..... IT DIDN'T WORK with them so it isn't going to work with you,, You have to give yourselves the proper information on what it takes. For you, you need independence with your emotions and for your husband, he needs to learn to be supportive, not run to the arms of another women. Men do that when they don't know what to do. Men need to feel as though they can make the woman happy and when they can't, they feed their ego somewhere else. HOWEVER, WE as women can not rely on men to make us happy, it's not their job, But when we make it their job (by fighting, nagging, critisizing,) we shove them right in the sack with another woman and then we blow a gasket when they cheat................... we set them up to do so. Does that make sense?? Millions and millions of people have this problem.

The HAPPIER and more self confident you are with YOURSELF, the more he will love you. He will love you because he won't have the pressure of making you happy. Men can not handle that responsibility, nor should they.

Answer 2

For sure there is a thorn in your husband's being that must be extracted before life could be peaceful. He must do some deep inner "soul searching" to find the problem that has him bound to his miserable state of mind. If he can get this all out on the table, including the cheating, and you're good with it, then MAYBE ......, but not likely, because the cheating is so incredibly hurtful. So basically, when your heart has had enough, and you actually listen to it to tell you what to do, then you wont worry about when enough is enough.

Answer 3

You will continue to be miserable as long as you allow yourself to be the victim. You are the victim because you are staying with someone who says he doesn't love you and doesn't know if he wants to be with you. If he doesn't love you, why does he stay? Because it's easier to stay with what you know then to venture out into the unknown. Therefore he's using you until he can get up enough nerve to leave. Why are you leaving the decision up to him? You are even more miserable than he is. Yes, you love him, but love doesn't "conquer all." You can't love someone enough to make things better. It takes two.

As much as it hurts you need to separate. Live on your own. Focus on yourself and your kids. Figure out what life means for you and figure out how you can go about taking care of yourself and ultimately how you can make yourself happy. What have you always wanted to do in life? Figure out how to do it. Now is the time to focus solely on what your gut tells you is best for YOU.

Answer 4

One on no account somewhat knows yet another till they get married or stay collectively and that's usually what occurs. whilst one has to ask this question on an open web site like this, thats a fantastically sturdy sign there's a considerable difficulty of their marriage. every physique has a distinctive threshhold of whilst the ingredient of sufficient is sufficient hits so which you will have reached yours here and the stresss is taking its toll now. whether she isnt working she would be in a position to help with residing house chores and make it extra straightforward for you as in spite of each and every thing youre not a glorified babysitter here or a parent taking care of their newborn. Marriage Counseling can help here because it supplies her somebody else to respond to to approximately what she does and enables her set objectives for herself and the thank you to attain them. attempt it till now you somewhat call it quits. Sorry, sturdy success and happy trip journeys

Answer 5

Maybe some counseling will uncover the reasons for your arguing to much. Couples counseling is very successful if both parties are willing to attend and really work on the relationship. If you have been together that long, have two beatiful children, I would say it's worth a try.

Answer 6

That's no way to live. First of all, the fact that he cheated on you when you were pregnant is, in my opinion, the lowest of lows.
You say that you are in love with him, but I honestly can't see what you are getting out of staying with someone whose only response to questions that matter is, "I don't know." Either you live with it until you've had your fill of his shi*, or you go your own way. Love shouldn't feel bad and make you miserable.

Answer 7

Well, sometimes love isn't enough. Remember your first love, if it was like mine, the guy was a jerk and I loved him so......but it wasn't right. I hate that kids are involved in your situation....that makes it double hard.

I think you need to talk to a counselor.....at a church or thru EAP at your work, or just thru your insurance. Perhaps your husband will come with you. Maybe a counselor could help his I don't knows become yes or no's.

I am sorry you are going thru this.

Answer 8

You will always love your husband but that doesn't mean you are still in love with him and have to stay with him. Life is not worth being miserable. If you are not happy then your children are not happy and that is not healthy for them either.

Answer 9

Since he doesn't know anything it's up to you to put some clarity into your relationship.

I suggest you ask him to either go to counseling with you or he has to leave for awhile until he does know what he wants to do.

After he leaves you should still go to counseling on your own because you're going to need some help getting your life and your children's life back on track,

It's not going to be easy but it'll be easier than what's happening now......good luck

Answer 10

I really hate to say this, but you need to go ahead and let him go. If you ask someone if they love you or care about you and they say I dont know, then that means no. If he cheated on you once he may do it again. If everytime you ask him a question and he says I dont know, he knows. He just doesnt want to face the situation that is going on.