I've of course had my suspicions that my best friend is really gay for a long time - after all, that's why we're just friends. I love this boy, but he's been hiding the fact that he's seeing some boy from me and while I was housesitting this week I accidentally ran across undeniable evidence that he has a boyfriend (who I have never met or even heard of) and even though we talk every day he's been LYING to me over and over for months and months. I'm so hurt and angry that he doesn't respect me enough to tell me the truth and next week we (just the two of us) are getting on a plane to Africa for 2 weeks and I don't know what to do?!?! Do I confront him and get it all out in the open? How does one approach this??
2006-11-12 14:45:07 · 19 answers · asked by needzadvice 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
OK, lets look at your question... "while I was housesitting this week I accidentally ran across undeniable evidence that he has a boyfriend".
No, you did not "accidentally" run across "evidence", you were being nosy. To justify you being nosy you then turn around and say "he's been LYING to me over and over for months and months". If you feel so hurt and angry, how do you think he will feel when he finds out about what you have done while housesitting? Yes, you should confront him... about you being judgmental and not being the true friend that you have pretended to be to him.
2006-11-12 15:44:57 · answer #1 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT confront him. This is something that is very personal to him and he will tell you when he is comfortable enough in his own skin to do so. Coming out of the closet is a very scary thing for most. It has nothing to do with respect for you; it has to do with a fear of how everyone (you included) will react. People rarely react in a way that can be expected.
Just be sure that he knows you will still love him. Maybe make some comment about how you think it's horrible that gay marriage is being banned when they are just trying to find love; something like that. Don't force him to talk. He'll talk when he feels the time is right.
2006-11-12 22:51:52 · answer #2 · answered by Esma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You approach this carefully. You don't want to ruin your or his trip. There is some disconnect here. He must not think that you are comfortable with the subject. Are you?
If you are going to open Pandora's Box. I'd do it with many, many, many cocktails. It will ease things up a bit. Make sure you do it in a non-confrontational way. Make sure you affirm that you love him no matter who he decides to sleep with. Make sure to remember that he is the same guy you love and you just know him a little better now. Give him a hug. Lastly remember this is not about you.
You might not get the answer your looking for that night, but it will open the door.
2006-11-12 23:48:52 · answer #3 · answered by Jude M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he's disrespecting you, he's probably just afraid to come out to you. I wouldn't confront him with the "evidence" because that's too accusatory. You could gently ask him if he's gay. Or you could say things that would leave the door open for him to come out to you. The last thing you should feel is anger. Hell, a good gay male friend is invaluable to every straight girl. If you love him and he's your best friend then hold onto him and be supportive of him. He's probably just scared.
2006-11-13 06:58:38 · answer #4 · answered by DawnDavenport 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Should it really matter that your friend is gay? Think of all the positives, you can both check out cute guys while hanging out down town, great shopping buddy, he'll know twice as much gossip as a regular guy would lol. Seriosly though, don't let that bug you. However, talk to him about your concern that he couldn't come out to you earlier. And the other issues you have to. Communication is the key.
Best of luck
2006-11-12 23:15:18 · answer #5 · answered by exaluva 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Telling people your gay isnt that simple. Try looking at it from his point of view. Maybe he respects you so much that he is afraid of losing you as a friend. Every person that comes out of the closet loses friends. It sucks but thats the way it is. If he hasnt said anything, how is he lying to you? Keeping something to oneself isnt lying. You cant force someone to come out to you. That is a very scary and personal decision that someone has to do when they are ready.
2006-11-13 01:27:57 · answer #6 · answered by tmills883 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen, if you are just friends, you shouldn't be concerned about what he does in the bedroom. Do you want the details of what your parents do in their moments of passion? I hope not. It is none of your business, even if you are best friends. You don't say what lies he has been telling you, but it sounds to me like he isn't saying anything. And, it sounds like you are jealous that he doesn't want you.
2006-11-12 23:33:42 · answer #7 · answered by GORDO BLAKHART 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think that maybe he is lying to you because he somehow knows that you think it is such a big deal? And if you have had your 'suspicions' for such a long time why haven't you brought it up before?
I think you need to examine your thinking about this subject a little more.
2006-11-12 23:09:52 · answer #8 · answered by hernandoguy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Can I ask you something? And I want you to know before I ask this, that whatever your answer, I am fully supportive of you and will always be there for you. I've had my suspicions for awhile, but I need to hear it from you. Are you sexually attracted to guys?"
2006-11-16 14:05:34 · answer #9 · answered by deLaParre 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sit back, relax, and calm down. Wooo-ssaaahhh!!! Don't be offended, he's still in denial so he's not ready to tell you yet. And if you don't care if he's gay, go have fun on your vacation and don't tell him you were snooping through his things.
2006-11-13 11:00:17 · answer #10 · answered by Phedre D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋