I am in my mid-30s, I attend a local community college, and I am very serious about my education. I chose to return to college as a result of my recovery from a severe, suicidal depressive breakdown. During my recovery, I lost 2 friends (also in their mid-30s), who I mistakely thought to be supportive. I sometimes see them on campus and it's always uncomfortable for me, and I suspect for them as well. We were good friends, often together, phoned each other, visited each other and gave advice to one another. Each time I've seen them, they've been extremely nasty and hostile toward me. I don't care to be friends w/them anymore, since they have proven their unreliability. How do I deal with them without returning the taunts and name calling they give me? I don't respond, I just leave the situation that brought us together. I work as a tutor at my school and I worry that they will later end up in a class I tutor. I don't want anything more to do with them and I am sick of this crap. Help?
2006-11-12 14:36:26 · 5 answers · asked by LFM 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I appreciate everyone's suggestions. These two are fully aware that I might approach them (to say knock off the dumb stuff) if I saw them individually, and this is where they have a bit of leverage. They do not travel alone, and absolutely will (and have) make a spectacle of having to share a public space with me. What can I do (aside from physically leaving the situation) to ensure that future encounters will not end in confrontation?
2006-11-12 18:12:58 · update #1
Also, if either of them ended up in a class that I tutor, what would be a professional, tactful way of dealing with the situation, since in that case, I wouldn't be able to leave the classroom?
2006-11-12 18:15:47 · update #2
Why don't you kill them with kindness? That will get to them more than bitterness or revenge ever will. You should be the better person and continue with your life as if nothing ever happened between the 3 of you. Hold your head up high and smile a lot and they will wonder what the hell is up! I think you have chosen the right road by staying away from them because negative attitudes are big downers and very contagious. You have come along way baby, don't waste another minute worrying about those 2 losers! Good-luck and God Bless.
2006-11-12 14:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by Mustang Sally 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're sick of this crap cuz you're letting it fester in your mind.
The problem is you care what they think of you, the problem is not what they're doing.
If you didn't care what they think or do, you wouldn't be stressed about this.
You're basing your happiness on others. That's a sure fire way to be unhappy.
If you see them, whether they say anything nasty or not, smile at them and say 'hi.'
They're getting to you and they know it.
Take the high road, be the changes you wish to see in the world.
Maybe this sounds really hard, but if you can do this, what CAN'T you do?
Step into your greatness, and you'll feel so good about yourself, it won't matter what others think or do.
You can do this. And when you do, you'll actually appreciate the part they played in this whoppertunity for your growth.
2006-11-12 14:42:43 · answer #2 · answered by Joy_Brigade 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure what the downfall was that brought you all to this ruineness end, but I would say if the friendship is totally beyond repair and you are uncomfortable confronting them directly with the situtation, avoidance seems the only options left. Myself, I might try this head on approach, when I saw one of them by themselves, just walk right up to them and say, "listen I know we used to be good friends at one time and well, its seems now we aren't such good friends, can we just try and do what we need to do without showing our butts? Can we agree to just go on about our business and wish each other well in life?" If they say no, try the other one, and if one agrees, you've just sliced your problems in half, if they both agree, problems solved. If neither agree, you know to steer clear of both of them or one of them and you will know you have done your best to be the better person. What better thing could you do? Pray and see if God will soften their hearts. Good luck!
2006-11-12 14:45:34 · answer #3 · answered by Tippy's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of you're able to desire to call him out on it first and then, in accordance together with his reaction, settle on no depend if to shrink him off or not. If he's only being stupid and joking around (even with the undeniable fact that not humorous) he needs to comprehend this is not humorous and why. If he's extreme and only an illiberal, prejudice guy or woman (consistent with hazard utilizing his own faith to justify hate against others) then you definately ought to shrink ties. yet only remaining silent is what too a lot of people do. call him out first then settle on no depend if or to not shrink him out of your existence.
2016-10-21 23:57:47 · answer #4 · answered by cardish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk to them on a one-on-one basis. Just try to mend things this way you don't have to have awkwardness with them. You don't have to be "friends" with them but I would try to patch things up to a civil point. Not that you're "old" but you are to old for this kind of bullshit. You shouldn't have to feel this way when you see anyone this is like grade school stuff.
2006-11-12 14:45:59 · answer #5 · answered by krystal c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋