I have been with my fiance since 04, when we found out we were prego with my daughter. We moved 4 hours from my family to live with his dad. I dont know what to do, or if I am going thru just weird emotions right now. Its got to the point that everything he says seems to be rude, or ignorant. when he is around his friends, I ask him to do something he wont right away in case they think he is "wooped". I know we love each other, but it just seems sometimes things arent going to get better. Sex isnt even that grand anymore, I just dont feel that spark....could this all be becuase we have been togetehr so long, and life just got to being normal like this or is it time to move our separte ways?
2006-11-12
14:05:46
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10 answers
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asked by
Mom 2 Twins + One
2
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I thought I would add, we have been having problems such as the one stated for about a year now, nothing ever changes it will for a couple weeks then stop all back to the same ways again. He thinks I wont leave him is the problem, but he better not depend on that excuse forever.
2006-11-12
14:14:33 ·
update #1
I should of reworded this...we DO NOT live with his father, we havent for 2 years, we moved down here to live with his father than moved to our own home, I ment that we moved down here to live around his father, and I would say my fiance isnt immature, he does what he needs to do to pay bills, ect.
2006-11-13
06:45:49 ·
update #2
I understand your problems, believe me. I am 22yo, I have been with my partner for 5 years and engaged for 2. Because of my job we live in the middle of nowhere a good 2 days drive from her parents and long drive and flight from mine as they live on the other side of the country. I love her with all my heart and I know she does as well. However there are times when things just aren't right.
I will be the first to admit being the guy, I am not always easy to live with. Neither is she. We have very few friends here and spend a lot of time on our own together. We feel comfortable with each other and often get annoyed over the pettiest things. When we have friends around we sometimes seem like different people, maybe more me than her. We often argue and fight and scream our lungs out or cry and whinge and ***** about nothing and everything. So rest assured I understand where you are coming from.
The solution: communication, love, respect and patients. There are probably more words I could use here but lets go with these ones. Sometimes it feels like our relationships are like rollercoasters, many highs and lows. When the lows seem like never going back up we start to have doubts about ourselves and the relationship, let me tell you now, you have to decide for yourself if its worth waiting for the steep rise on the ride of life or to get off at the first possible opportunity. It sounds to me though its a communication problem and one that can be easily fixed given time.
For me, there is a "never too long" clause fine printed on my relationship. I would work as hard as I could to save my love life because it means so much to me as a person. I hope you feel the same way about your partnership. What you need to do to save it is simple, talk. Have regular, serious discussions on what is wrong in the relationship at the moment. What could be changed, what you would like changed, what he would like changed. I bet both of you are thinking one thing and saying another.
For example, my partner and I have an issue with my swearing at the moment. For a long time I have been paying it off as nagging and whinging from the missus but when she sat down and confided in me just how much it meant to her that I cease my foul mouth, I understood it was not just a silly thing that I was ignoring but an aggressive behaviour that upsets her and makes her feel intimidated and angry towards me,especially when we have friends over. I am now working on my language and I am considering a swear jar.
One thing you must understand also is that to sit down and discuss feelings and hurts can cause the partner to go on the defensive and say rash nasty things about you to save face. You must be clear in the rules you set down for an adult discussion on open topics. Trust me on this! Let your partner know that what gets said is for calm discussion, one person speaks at a time and the other listens, then responds. write down each others feelings if you have to, but avoid further confrontations.
Love and trust in your partner is needed here, to understand that he has feelings as well and more than likely has his own issues with you that he doesn't know how to express (most guys don't and they behave badly as a result causing further harm in the relationship than good and wonder why). Most of all, patients is required. Things won't change overnight, but given the time and the strategies you put in place to correct your problems things will improve.
I find that great sex comes to a great relationship. Sex isn't as good when you are angry or bored and that might lead to either of you looking elsewhere and then its time to call it quits. A good loyal partner would never do that, but 1 in 3 marriages in Australia end in divorce. To make it last, encourage new ideas into the bedroom.....kitchen ;-) Try using toys, different positions, porn movies or different areas in the house, even the backyard! There are endless things you can do with sex, just explore them all.
You owe it to yourself to try and fix the relationship, not to even mention to your daughter. I come from a very broken home and I know that its not good having many sets of parents. Please consider yourself as not alone in these matters, you made a good step today just by asking this question, don't let slip the best thing that probably ever happened to you.
PS Don't stress over how long you have been engaged. Many couple don't need to be married to be happy in their relationship, others simply like the ring to say that I am taken by somebody special. I myself can't afford a wedding just yet and it may be a number of years before I can get the money for it, but I am not going anywahere and neither will your partner. If a wedding is important to you, how about you start off with working on the relationship first then move on up to married status when you both feel ready. Good luck.
2006-11-12 14:41:16
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answer #1
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answered by geronemo 2
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You are living with his dad and you are not comfortable. You two need your own place. You have no privacy. You can't get buck-wild with him in the bed because you are staying with his dad. So I suppose sex is limited. Whenever dad is not around right. As far as his friends, you have to understand what he goes through when he gets around his friends. Peer pressure is not a good feeling. He wants to please you, but the boys also want his attention. So they will make him feel like he is whoop. However, you already know that you are his love, so give him some slack when the fellas come around. If they come around too much then that is when you two need to have a serious talk. Three years engaged,huh, its time to get married and live in your own home to be a family. If neither of you have a job, then it is time to make that move ASAP!!! It is time to grow up and handle your business. If he is not ready to get married, then go visit momma for a while. If he loves you, he will come. Its time for you to think about what is right for your baby and it is time for him to get with the program of being a good husband and father....If he takes his time coming sooner or later when his friends kick him to the curb because he is crying over you all the time, he will come...It is totally up to you....You know what you need to do...
2006-11-12 22:25:17
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answer #2
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answered by Sasha 2
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well the baby is a life time tie to this young man, however don`t stay in a bad relationship for baby.... Is this really love if it was you would not questio n it . the rudeness is not going to get any better. Dont let him demean you and tear you apart .You owe him nothing
2006-11-12 22:32:40
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answer #3
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answered by giggi 3
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Give him an ultimatem. Ask him if he intends to marry you.
Give him 2 weeks to make up his mind. If he doesn't, I'd
get out of the relationship and stop living together.
2006-11-12 22:09:10
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answer #4
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answered by Ivy 3
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I'm wondering why you are living with his dad after all this time instead of your own place? My every instinct tells me that your relationship is doomed. He doesn't seem to respect you, he's willing to live under his daddy's roof....ugh....don't you want more for yourself than that? Time to go your separate ways.
2006-11-12 23:36:25
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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Sounds like your man needs to grow up. Move out and move on, and take your kidlet with you. Give her a daddy who is a real man.
2006-11-13 03:23:49
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answer #6
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answered by Pearl 2
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relationships go through ups and downs... the only thing I would worry about is that he seems more concerned with what his friends think than what you think. talk to him about that, and try to stick it out. you have a child, and that child needs their father
2006-11-12 22:08:55
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answer #7
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answered by tigweldkat 6
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Communication. You need to talk to him...you need his input. Does he even know that anything is wrong? You have to inform him of a problem before he can even attempt to fix it.
Talk to him first...and if he doesn't want to make you happy...then come back and talk to me...
2006-11-12 22:09:07
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answer #8
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answered by ladydrea2918 3
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if u feel disrespected and not safe in a relationship, it will effect how u feel emotionally and sexually about him. he doesn't make u feel special anymore, before leaving i would communicate my feelings to him, maybe even ask him if he were willing to go to therapy, and u will know how he feels about u by his response.
2006-11-12 22:10:41
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answer #9
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answered by jude 7
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that's life. Love evolves and mellows. You can't change him, you can only change yourself and your own attitude.
2006-11-12 22:07:53
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answer #10
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answered by Violet Pearl 7
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