What is the most irregular thing that you can think of?

Question

I'm working on a novel and want a metaphor for the irregularity of these two old men's shaving habits.

I'm working on a novel for National Novel Writing Month, and my character is looking at two old guys he knows. They always have some sort of beard going on, and I want to say, "They shave as regularly (or irregularly) as _______" Any ideas

Answer 1

The most irregular thing I can think of is an 80-year-old nursing home patient's bowel movements. Several of the senior adults that I've known over the years always say things in the vein of "I'd give anything to take a s--t!" or just talking about their latest and greatest crap (because it's exciting if it doesn't happen very often... kinda like sex for guys I know that collect those creepy pullip dolls.)

In fact, if you google Pullip dolls then you'll see what I mean. You're welcome to the irregular sex example, too.

Answer 2

The question is not precise enough. Are the habits irregular in frequency or method i.e when they shave or do they start at the cheek while other starts under the nose? See the dilemma?

Answer 3

A classic would be along the lines of 'as regular as the sunday timetable for the 302 bus', or a variation; I suspect many of your readers might be able to relate.

Novel by committee; interesting approach.

Answer 4

They shave as irregularly as an elephant who ate a bag of concrete defecates.

Answer 5

I don't understand the question exactly.......But how about his shaver was the ice scraper and his face was the windshield of a car...Do what you like with this but it's the most odd thing i can come up with at the moment...

Answer 6

licking the shaving cream to test for favourite flavour before applying.

Answer 7

an elephants' painting..saw it on a show once, man was it irregular!

Answer 8

chomping the whiskers