I want a divorce, but I'm only 20 and a sophmore in college with no job and a 2 1/2 year old. How could I manage on my own? My parents live states away and I don't have any one else here that I would want to live with. I really really want out of this relationship though. What should I do? Anyone ever been here before?
2006-11-12 13:20:42 · 14 answers · asked by Wonderious 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have all being there before...But - here was your mistake...you are counting on someone else. You haven't set things up for you...and you alone. I know you are working towards that with school and all...but don't you have a plan B? Even if you didn't want to leave...and you wanted to stay with your husband...and he died...in a car accident...what would you do? What is you plan B? Didn't your parents teach you anything?
2006-11-12 13:24:49 · answer #1 · answered by ladydrea2918 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really depends on why you want a divorce I guess. If he's beating you, then you need to leave immediately.
I don't want to help break up a marriage but ladies you need to be able to support yourself in your husband/boyfriends stead to keep from being controlled, but also for your own sanity and what would you do if he died?
Basically start at the target and work backwards. Figure out where you want to live and how much it will cost (IE Apartment $500/mth) Then double that for food and utilities since that's nice to have. You will need a car, you don't need a car payment, but a car would be nice. You will need to consider what will happen to the 2yr old while you are working. If its daycare then you will have to add that into the budget. If its grandma, then that's cheaper but you have to deal with family. Moving back to your folks would be nice, but you will have all sorts of other custody issues. Once you know your target amount, do this math:
Take your bills. Multiply them by 1.2 (So you account for taxes), then divide them by 160. This will give you the hourly rate you need to be making to make your bills including taxes.
For instance. Rent=500. 500X2 = 1000 + 400 daycare = 1400/mth * 1.20 = $1,680/mth. $1680 mth divided by 160hrs full time = $10.5/hr job.
So then you would think you could afford to take care of yourself and your kid for a bare minimum of $10.50/hr. Then go out, find a $12 or higher paying job.
Start working in the field you are studying in, it will help your study and your job.
Just my thoughts. Maybe you could skip all this trouble with some consoling, talking to your husband, figuring stuff out? I know your child would appreciate it.
-Rob
2006-11-12 13:36:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are still a baby yourself, and you have a child. You are in the worst mess a woman can be in ---- another mouth to feed, unhappy, and no education. My first question is why did you get pregnant? My second is what are you doing to be sure you don't get pregnant again?
What should you do?
First, don't have any more children
Secondly, stay in school
Third, get a degree
Fourth, then get a job.
If you are still unhappy, get out of your marriage, go to work, support yourself, and make a better choice in a spouse and seek some professional help to learn why you made this really bad choices. I don't know about you, but my mom told me get an education, a saleable skill, and don't expect anyone to support you. I did all those thing, so no, never ever was in your position, and would never want to be. Being happy takes thinking and lots of work. You have probably had lots of time to think. Now, hon, time to get to work...... You'll be fine, but it will take awhile..... get that college degree, first, tho sweetie......
2006-11-12 14:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Divorce means also great changes. I don't think it's right to expect to divorce without a tsunami passing through. You are going to have to make life changes now that may be hard to do and may have to consider living with your parents as you develop a new life plan. If the relationship is wrong, then do what it takes to get out now and move on to new ground.
2006-11-12 13:29:32 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds Like you should Divorce.
Dont waste your life trying to Make it work when in truth It probably wont simply for the Fact that it seems you have already made your mind up. However If your thinking the grass is greener on the other side. dont count on it.
A Marriage works by the effort that is put into it. I bet that there hasnt been a whole lot of effort put into yours :-s
Good Luck .... I do wish you the best and Hope you do find that elusive happiness :-)
2006-11-12 13:25:43 · answer #5 · answered by D B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look I was 15 when I had my first child. I married at 18 and had my second child when I was 21. I am now on my second marriage. When I separated I worked 2 jobs. It was very hard for me. YOU NEED TO GO HOME TO YOUR PARENTS AND CONTINUE WITH THE EDUCATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As soon as you can you should follow that math equation and get your own place. Most of all you will need to suck up the pride and move forward!!!! I managed!! My daughter is now 15 and my son is 9. WE MADE IT AND YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER WILL TO!!!
G'LUCK !!! :o)
2006-11-12 15:52:11 · answer #6 · answered by timidlady2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are the one who wants a divorce its not fair to stay in the relationship just because you don't have anyone else to depend on
2006-11-12 13:53:52 · answer #7 · answered by gotgoji 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out of it. you will make it. if you have a child and you are a sophmore in college then you have already proved to yourself you can handle the tough stuff. see if you can get him to leave. find cheaper housing. the list goes on. but you have come so far in college with a child to boot. there is help out there if you want to accept it. i am a senior in college and my husband left me 4 days ago after 9 years of marriage with our 7 year old son. i refuse to quit and in a year (b/c of the state i am in) i refuse to be married to his butt any more. good luck.
2006-11-12 13:34:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your parents will help you with this .Take a vacation to go and see them but stay for awhile to think things out .I am sure they will help you. Don't stay in a bad relationship because you are too young to be unhappy .
2006-11-12 13:26:00 · answer #9 · answered by IT'S JUST ME ! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello, i am a licensed preacher of the age of 20 and i have counseled people with very similar cases. it is hard to give much advice giving that i have never spoken with you but, my advice is if it is a bad situation you should not stay with the man just for the kid. it has been proven time and time again to be harder on the kid if you stayed with him. my advice, split.
2006-11-12 13:26:17 · answer #10 · answered by jtspgs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋