Relationship question?

Question

OK here's the deal:
It will be a year together for my bf and me on November the 27th.
Today I got really frustrated with him, I made a fuss and he was quite sad and called himself selfish and he has been a bit sad since then....Since I dont have much experience in relationships (I have had 2 already but they didnt last long) I am not quite sure whether I am asking too much or not.
When we started dating, it was all happy, making love quite frequently and having kissing sessions etc.
But it has changed through time, and I find myself asking more while he doesnt really follow. For example sometimes I get all tender and kiss him and he gives a quick kiss back and turns his gaze back on the TV. And to day I was in bed relaxing and he came and while my intentions were clear he just told me that I came to bed to relax on the first place...and I just exploded and got so angry. He understood, and he told me it was not his intention to make me fell so bad.

And I believe him, because besides of this "problem" everything is so great, he reminds me that he loves me all the time by words and actions he is caring and he is a great listener.
So my question is: Is it normal after a year of living in together for things to get a bit "colder" in sex life and I am just being a drama queen (lol), or is there an actual problem here? How about your relationships/experiences?
Thanks

Willywonka, your a wonka indeed....

Answer 1

You won't vote me Best Answer, but I'll be honest anyway because you need to hear this. Life is hard work. Romance does not just 'happen'. It is a HUGE effort to keep things interesting, intimate, sensual and caring. A relationship is a full-time commitment. ROMANCE IS A BEHAVIOUR, NOT JUST A NICE IDEA!!!!

Your partner is 'cold' because you have both taken each other for granted and things have reached a stalemate. I am not going to give you advice because you seem like an intelligent adult and I suspect you know I've just spoken the truth.

BEHAVE YOUR WAY TO A BETTER RELATIONSHIP! Use your imagination. Build up your partners' mental anticipation in YEARNING for your TOUCH. Go now. You're wasting precious time on your computer talking to strangers when you should be wooing your lover......I think that is part of your problem, too...

Answer 2

When a relationship is starts things are new and exciting, as time goes by it can become routine. After a year together, you will often not be in the mood at the same time and he will not always become instantly aroused when you want him to be. You can be intimate without it all being about sex. If you would like to it to be more often, just tell him and don't try to schedule an exact time and date for it. Try not to pressure him too much and it will all work out.

Answer 3

It's all in the timing. Your sex life will be much better if you don't try to "force" the issue. Just relax and enjoy each other's company. because you aren't at each other all the time does not mean the "love" is gone, it takes time to work out the details of a relationship. Don't get discouraged and don't give up.

Answer 4

Keep the TV out of the bedroom!

Change things up a bit from the norm, randomness, surprises, grand gestures.

Create more opportunities for intimacy that are within your taste, romantic getaways, a secluded beach, hiking through a forest for a pique-nique, movie night on the couch holding each other with a romantic kiss tied to the end credits (Trick is good for that). If you want that "dating" feeling back, go out for dates. Been out for a night of dancing lately?

Best of luck.

Answer 5

First of all, congrats on the anniversary!

Whether gay or straight it is perfectly natural for your sex life to change over time...and for one partner to have more desire than the other.

I went through this myself a while back...like you there was a substantial age difference. I was working way too many hours in a stressful position and found that sex was not a high priority for me at times.

We were able to find ways of getting both of our needs met together. Details of which would just get me deleted. Suffice it to say it required open communication and flexibility.

Answer 6

Sounds like he's just a little slow on the uptake. You need to work on being more patient around him and maybe being a bit more direct and aggressive with what you want, not pushy just try and leave no room for misunderstandings. You need to be a tad bit nicer in my opinion and work on your anger issues.

Answer 7

i dont think you are wrong. i know that in my relationship it has waned. we have great fantastic sex when we do have it. apart from that we have an understanding that we can do ourself or use a toy if we arent going to be satisfied. i understand ur frustration - i really do - i am the u in my relationship. i think over time youll come to accept that it aint always going to happen but that everything is ok. just make sure you dont lose your hand hehe.

Answer 8

well I was in a 7 year relationship and now a 20 year one..and yes the sex does cool down a little...but there are other greater compensations...it's always nice going to bed with or without sex with your best friend....etc...it's still good.

Answer 9

awwww.well tell him that your sorry for everything and if you kiss him while hes stuck on the tv get in front of his face and say I love you not just a peck.good luck you 2

Answer 10

I had a similar situation with a guy. Then I discovered he was very into porn and hiding it from me. He always watched/looked at porn and although he said he loved me very much, he never wanted to be with me. I think it was because of all his porn addiction. He was very attached to me and he would cry when I wanted to break up with him. He never gave up the porn so I broke up with him. The best decision in my life. He was such a loser.