What do i do about a teenage girl that is smoking pot, drinking and sleeping around?

Question

She is 14. Way to young to be doing all the things she is doing. I am not her mom, but her sister in law, but mom has no clue what to do...

Mom knows what she is doing, she just doesnt know what to do. Punishment(grounding) just makes her act out more. I have tried to get closer to her and take her out for "Girls Days" but she always blows me off.

Oh yeah, and mom is a single mom.

Some one asked "Where is dad?" Dad died when she was about 3, My hubby was the father figure in her life (he is 15 years older than her).

Answer 1

send her to boot camp!

Answer 2

I started smoking pot at 12 and having sex at 14 it is too young. Eventually the drugs came into the picture and I spiraled out of control and had a melt down. So I quit. She will see the light of all this. She just needs a little bit of time. However, you don't really want to restrict her too much because the more restrictions you give the more she will act out. When she wants to go somewhere with her friends why don't you say like "Hey (name here), I'm so bored how about I tag along?" Start being up her butt bad to where she doesn't have the oppurtunity. Do you and your hubby smoke pot? Or does mom? Because if either of you do and you are just telling her that she's not old enough then obviously that's not a good example. Another thing you all could do is take away her money/income when she is not supervised that way she can't take it and spend it on pot, pills, alcohol, ect. When this happens she will definetly see who her friends are cause I'm sure they won't support her habit

Answer 3

At this age, it might help her to speak to some younger people that did what she is doing at that age but are now in jail or have babies and their lives have turned out horribly. If her mom tries to lay down the law at this late point, she is only going to rebel even more. I think someone needs to tell her what could come of her behavior and show her some alternatives. She definitely needs to be involved with an extracurricular activity that would take up some more time. When is she doing all this? Where is dad? Does she not have a curfew? If not, mom needs to enforce one, explaining to daughter that when she proves she can handle the responsibility she'll be given more lenient boundaries.

She has already broken the barrier between childhood and adulthood, so treating her like a baby isn't going to help. I think you should tell her why she has made bad decisions and give her some options of what she wants to do to start to correct herself. The options should be limited to what is appropriate for her age.

As for you being the sister in law, you might have to step up and show her why her current lifestyle isn't leading anywhere. Sometimes when parents have made bad decisions, they lose their authority. She may just be looking for love in all the wrong places, and a sister in law could definitely show her love and slow her down. Good luck.

Answer 4

I started drinking and smoking pot at that age. I didn't have sex that eary, though. Her mom should be aware of what's going on. But most likely, if she's like me, it won't matter what you or mom, or anyone says. I'm 25 now and not much of a drinker. But was a heavy weed smoker until I became pregnant at 22 (nothing to do with the above mentioned behaviors). And I quit because it was the right thing to do. It no longer suited my lifestyle. But most important it was my decision. Hopefully she sees the light sooner than later. But she needs to make the choice. Doesn't mean mom shouldn't know whats going on and discuss the consequences and she should always know where her kid is.

Answer 5

Suggest that her mom put in her in counseling/therapy, talk to her about the dangers of smoking and drinking, and take her to a planned parenthood facility. I know that's probably not the advice you were looking for, but seriously, nothing you do is going to MAKE her stop having sex or acting self destructive. If she wants to do that, she will. Make sure she's informed about STD's, pregnancy and birth control.

Also, instead of waiting for her to come to you, GO TO HER. Just stop off at her house and have a talk. There might be something going on with her that neither you nor her mom know about. Maybe have your husband (her brother?) talk to her and see if he can find out what's up.

Anyway, Good luck!

Answer 6

You, your hubby and mom need to get together and give her a wake up call. Take away everyhing but her bed and clothes for school and books for school. She goes NOWHERE BUT SCHOOL AND HOME. NOWHERE. Use up your work leave/vacation time whatever it takes to make SURE someone is with her 24/7. After 2 months of this then find some youth groups/clubs/after school programs and go with her till she makes decent friends.
There has to be a constant backbone between the three of you unless you want to be raising her baby or burying her soon.

How come when a baby is thinking of trying to walk or pull themselves up there are friends and family all around holding on to the child and giving her a helping hand and when the baby falls and cries we say yes you can and help them back up...But when the teen years get here thse same helping hands are the ones saying "I can't".
If you really want to HELP her get off the computer and go help her !!
Blessings to you all !

Answer 7

I am having the same trouble with my 13 year old little sister. I got her out of the state, away from her friends and detrimental family and living with me. Sometimes family can help you, and sometimes they can make your life hell. She may be being abused at home even if she doesn't have bruises, abuse can be mental or emotional. And when you are treated badly by people who you depend on for love and livelyhood (food, a bed, clothes) you may easily lose respect for yourself, believe that you are worthless.

Don't listen to all of these people who don't have kids, or have kids and have never had issues with them. My sister has been "scared straight" in Juvey and had all of her money and possesions taken away. What did she do? She ran away from home and slept with 5 guys 2x her age in a matter of 8 weeks, got chlamydia and had child services investigate. What did child services do? They listened to my mom when she told them it wasn't true....

I am still scared for my sister, but I look back at my own life and I was the same way. Now I am 21, make 40k a year and have a healthy relationship. Why did I snap out of all the destructive behavior? I got out of my house and become self-dependant at 15. I was poor, worked 2 jobs, lived in a car for a few months...but it was all better than my "perfect" looking family and life. Don't let appearances deceive you.

I would recommend looking at your sister-in-law's surrounding before you point all of your effort at "fixing" her. Most likely many of the issues with her behavior and lack of self worth have been caused/are being caused by her environment. She may not admit it to you out right, for fear of hurting her mother...but most likely that is the root of her actions. Talk to her often, take her journal (and put it back without her knowing), find out what is really going on. Try talking to her mother, it may be time to get her into a new, safe living situtaion (Not a bootcamp). Maybe even offer to "help out" and let her stay with you, if you are willing to take on the responsibility. If you honeslty don't believe that there is any abuse in her situation, it is also very common for people with chemical imbalances to be self destructive -- get her into counseling and possibly on an anti-depressant. St. Johns Wort is like a natural Prozac and could be given to her as "vitamins", if you dont want to interfere too much.

Just remember, it isn't always easy to help someone who is down and out. Please, please, whatever you do...don't give up on her. A girl in that situation has it hard. When everyone has given up on you, it is easy to give up on yourself.

Answer 8

It may make her uncomfortable, but have a talk with her. This is tricky though; you don't want the mother to think you're overstepping her boundary, but on the other hand, someone needs to show they care.

If you're not comfortable talking to her, just try spending some time with her. Take her out to movies, pizza, shopping, getting nails done, whatever. She might end up opening up to you if she feels she can trust you. She may be craving attention from her mother, and is acting out in other ways.

Answer 9

Her mom has to lay down the law. The girl's behaviour is detrimental to her health and she needs guidance. Her mother needs to sit down with the girl and explain that unless she stops what she's doing she could end up with a disease or in the hospital, or worse. Teenagers might think nothing can happen to them, but they can't be more wrong.

Answer 10

My advise would be to go to the teens mother and have a sit down with her and enlighten her very sincerly. This child is going to be a very mixed up kid if someone doesn't get a hold of her and turn her around. If mom doesn't know it someone should love and respect her enough to tell her whats going on.. Put yourself in her shoes, wouldn't you want someone to step up to the plate and tell you.... Give her that same courtesy....

Answer 11

It sounds like "too little, too late" scenario, don't expect the kid to start obeying her mom now, she should have been stricter on her B 4 now. I can only suggest help and counseling from a good church family.