My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years, but were together for 3 1/2 years before that. We used to be so close- he was not only the love of my life, but my best friend. However, ever since we got married, it seems like he's changed. He treats me more like a servant than a wife. It's always "Do this, get me that." He's completely unromantic as well. I know the giddiness of an early relationship can't last forever, but I feel like he doesn't even see me as a woman anymore. I've tried talking to him about it, but he just gets mad and then shuts me out. It's completely changed how I feel about him. I still love him, but I feel sometimes like I'm not "in love" with him anymore. To make matters worse, lately I've been fantasizing about a guy from my past. I would never cheat on my husband and I don't have a way to contact this guy even if I wanted to, but I feel guilty for even thinking about him. I just want to feel wanted and appreciated again. What should I do?
2006-11-12 12:47:12 · 15 answers · asked by jenl904 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh Sweetie...I really feel for you on this one! It sounds like your man is simply taking you for granted. The first thing that you need to do is sit down with him and tell him that if he doesn't hear you out that you are going to be left with no other choice than to leave him (and if he doesn't, make good on that and leave for a few days). When you do get a dialouge open, you need to avoid things like telling him that "he" is the problem, instead, just tell him that you miss how things were and that you want to spend more time with him, be more romantic with him, etc. You could also try doing something really romantic for him, I know it sounds like this is doing something for him that he doesn't deserve, but a lot of times, if men "see" things done, they will be more likely to do them themselves. In the end, do what is right for YOU!
2006-11-12 12:54:31 · answer #1 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time to really put your foot down. You've tried talking to him you say, and yet he tries to avoid the matter. Perhaps he might not really know what serious trouble your marriage is in, and that is the first thing you can say. You can only take so much of this and he has to know that you are hurt, and it needs to change. If he is still not willing to talk about it or even see a marriage councelor, then you might consider suggesting separation. How sad it must be for you. It's confusing why he's so different. It's not like you jumped into the marriage too quickly. Maybe he felt less tied down before the vows. That's definately not your fault if this could be the case. But either way, this matter needs to be dealt with right away. You deserve to be loved and appreciated. Nobody, NOBODY deserves to be treated any less than that. Be strong and take the steps to completing this.
2006-11-12 20:58:41 · answer #2 · answered by sweeta : 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is hiding something on the inside that he is either unable to be cognizant of because of suppressing it or else he knows and he is in denial, or chooses to bury it in order to get through each day. As hard as this may seem, you must go further than you have ever gone before and not let him get off the hook by "being"mad. Force him to look at what the issue is at hand that has him in shackles. Force him to communicate what he actually feels, instead of suppressing it. Only with all the cards on the table will you be able to have a healing, and it may get a bit bumpy.
2006-11-12 21:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to stand up for yourself because no one else will. I can see him wanting you to get him things if he's sick or really tired from a long day at work, but he should be doing things for himself. And you need to tell him that. Next time he says something like "go get me a drink", You say "get it yourself" "what do I look like, your slave?" or "you have two arms and two legs and your capable of doing it yourself". Your husband treats you this way because he knows you'll take it. Your allowing him to do it. It's time to put your foot down and show him that he's not your "boss". Thats probably the reason you feel you may not be in love with him - he's not treating you the way a man should treat his wife. Try this and see how things go from there. You may want to consider marriage counselling.
2006-11-12 21:03:02 · answer #4 · answered by missie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Consider marriage counseling, it could be he is treating you just like his dad treated his mom and so he doesn't realize it is not acceptable. You could write him a note saying you still love him but feel you have grown apart and would like to see if the marriage can be rescued. If he is still unresponsive-the marriage is over and it's time to move on. Some people don't know how to end a relationship so they just stop. This makes it harder on the person who wants it because they have no clue. Good Luck!
2006-11-12 20:58:53 · answer #5 · answered by Walking on Sunshine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Communication is so needed. And he cant appreciate that. Something is wrong yet he wont say. Shake this man up a bit. Do something so not you. Would give you some ideas but know you already have a few. You cant change him. You both are not happy. I will let you take it from here. Good luck girl.
2006-11-12 20:54:00 · answer #6 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counceling, but from the sounds of things, he doesn't sound like the man who would go, but you should go by yourself.
Sounds to me that he is taking the verse in the Bible where it talks about wives submitting to their husbands too far. Husbands are to love their wives also. And by that it means that husbands are to love their wives as they would love themselves.
I can understand that you feel guilty even thinking about this guy from your past.
But, even though it may be difficult, shower your husband with love and kindness. And hopefully he will come around.
Hope that this helps. Take care and God Bless
2006-11-12 21:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to put the giddiness back into your marriage. It's too soon for the fun to be over. What ever you are fantasizing about doing with the ex, do it to your husband. It's time to pull the freak out and put it to him girlfriend.
2006-11-12 21:17:24 · answer #8 · answered by kayjay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel guilty about fantasizning about another man, you husband brought this among himself. I feel like if your husband isn't going to see you as his wife then you shouldn't see him as your husband. Do him as he does to you. Make him do thinks making do his own luch supper breakfast whatever! Start looking out for yourself because obviouslly he isn't looking out for you. I would suggest marrage couseling and if he refuses seek a lawyer your much to much of a woman for this to little of a man! GOOD LUCK to you!
2006-11-12 20:54:26 · answer #9 · answered by ~* Pink Princess *~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called communication, you have to tell him how you feel. And if he won't talk about it then write it in a letter. I'm sorry, at least you have someone in your life! You could be alone like me!
2006-11-12 20:53:12 · answer #10 · answered by Adam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋