married men and women look outside the marriage for what they don't have anymore as a couple but they won't leave there spouses because they love them..but not in love with them for the simple reason is that no more affection, no more communication. no love, no sharing in the good things, time is just being taken for granted..so like me i love to be passionate, love to cuddle, love to give . love to have someone that can return that, and thats what i call a relationship and more u can say to each other the better, but u still love ur spouse , not being in love is no affection from one to another, so no there is nothing wrong with a relationship that keeps both happy
2006-11-12 12:38:49 · 16 answers · asked by montana_sun_rise 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You said.... "not in love with them for the SIMPLE reason there is no more affection, no more communication, no love, no sharing in the good things, time is just being taken for granted." ..... Please explain to me how you view a lack of those things as simple within the context of a marriage?
You said that you define a relationship by passion, cuddling, giving love.... and having that returned. You cannot define love by using the word love, and passion is not in the definition. If passion is how you define it, you're in for alot of disappointment. Passion fades... its inevitable. And when it does, there needs to be respect, commonality, and genuine love that cannot possibly be based on passion or sex....yet is totally based on affection.
You can certainly love your partner/spouse without being "in love." It happens all the time. People change and grow, and if a couple doesn't do that at the same pace, or in the same direction, there will inevitably be distance between them, but the foundation of love is still in place, although, perhaps taking on a different form. And love... in all forms, implies affection....whether for a friend, parent, child, sibling,... or spouse. And when we share our lives, children, a home, a family, ect with someone, ... there's more to consider than passion.
We all have needs, and its rare to have all those needs met by one person alone,...we're a complex species, and we're all individual. Seeking what we're lacking outside our marriages is very common, and doesn't necessarily imply betrayal, infidelity, or a lack of love or affection for our spouse. We all have friends, jobs, hobbies, families, ect that meet needs our spouses don't. That isn't the problem. The problems arise when these outside relationships take precedence and any form of love we feel for our spouse is replaced by ambivalence.
2006-11-12 13:24:45 · answer #1 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell your spouse what the problem is and what you would like your spouse to do. This includes in the bed room and outside of it. Looking outside the marriage isn't the right thing to do. The right thing to do is to start talking with your partner. Talk to them about even the smallest thing is a great start. Like how your day was and ask how theirs was and really listen and ask them questions about it. Get to know what they are thinking. Ask your partner how they feel about things. Talk about sex after having sex. tell them what you liked and what you would like your partner to do. Ask them what they liked and what they would like to do. Do something together and talk about it after. There are all kinds of things you can do to start having a closer relationship with your partner. That person is your other half don't you want to know what they think, how they feel and what makes them happy. My husband and I have just started this journy and it started all because he was trying to find something to make up for things he felt he didn't have in our marriage by looking at porn. After he stoped and we really started talking and being open and finding out what he missed did we see a big improvement in our relationship and sex life. you can go to my blog and findout more about it by clicking on my pic and then going to my 360 page from my yahoo q and a page. good luck and email me if you might need some more help. Please give your relationship a second chance though befor going outside your marriage. You may find that all you needed was to really get to know your partner to fall deeply in love with them. I love my husband and he loves me more than ever befor and I was ready to leave the marriage because I was so hurt and unhappy.
2006-11-12 14:27:53 · answer #2 · answered by desiree d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The result of going outside the marriage for what a (spiritual) marriage was designed by God to do is this. The marriage decomposes and you find your sense of happiness to be a cheat. You end up disliking each other or divorcing. It is not a pretty picture.
2006-11-12 13:01:31 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am in love with my family and surely would not go try to find another family just because they make me angry or don't hug me when i think they should or when i want them to. I "love" my friends but when they betray me, hurt me or are not the kind of friend I am, i leave that Friend behind and move on. Being in love means through the good and bad times, loving someone means you care about their well being, but they are not BONDED to your soul. If someone you are in love with tells you they love you, but are not in love with you, run. That means they care about you when you are with them, but have no remorse for any pain they might cause you. They use that as a term to free themselves from feeling guilty for seeking out "loving" relationships with other people.
2006-11-12 12:47:50 · answer #4 · answered by SKayeMesqTX 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been told that. It was from a man who was afraid of commitment, afraid to take the next step. We already had that well worn in (comfortable)shoe feeling. He said that he loved me very much, that I was wonderful. Our relationship just didn't have that new passion about it anymore. He enjoyed the exhilirating feeling of being with someone new so much that he was willing to throw away all that we had.
2006-11-12 12:47:18 · answer #5 · answered by WMR30 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I have heard this and live it everyday. I love my husband but i have never been in love with him. He is not in love with me either. Maybe it is how i think being in love should be is where the problem comes in at. I think that if you are in love you should love to be around the one that you love and that person takes your breath away when they kiss you and touch you. There are so many things that being in love means and i do not feel them every with my husband. He is a good person but we do not have a connection. I do love him but i am not in love with him cause i never feel what people in love feel.
2006-11-12 13:24:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you saying that it's OK to seek love with someone outside of marriage if you aren't fulfilled in the marriage? If so, that is WRONG and I highly disagree.
2006-11-12 12:41:57 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard of the phrase but have never had it said to me. Love is something very special and those words should not be said unless they have meaning....
2006-11-12 13:17:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i have heard the i love you but not inlove with you anymore . whats the question ?
2006-11-12 12:49:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah...I've heard the phrase, but I'm not sure if there is a question in your paragraph or not....
2006-11-12 12:43:41 · answer #10 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋