My husband is VERY into online computer games. Most days when he gets home from work, I see him for about 15 mintues before he goes in and starts playing; I usually don't see him again until dinner, and it usually takes me 3 or 4 calls before he comes to eat. After dinner, he's back on the games, sometimes until 2 or 3 am. His job allows him to work only 4 days a week, so on the weekends (and monday), he will often play his game ALL NIGHT (or at least until 3 or 4 in the morning) and then sleep until 10 or 11 (sometimes as late as noon or 1). Now, I don't dislike the games, I even play with him sometimes, though my back and my eyes get tired after an hour or 2 of playing. This is starting to have a bad effect on our relationship and our sex life because I don't want to have sex with him when he gives me only 2 or 3 hours attention ONLY when he wants sex that night. I feel very resentful & I HAVE talked to him about it... How do I make him understand how much this hurts me?
2006-11-12
12:21:38
·
16 answers
·
asked by
missapparition
4
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm worried because it seems like we don't spend any real time together, and I find myself passing the time with endless hours in front of my computer or the TV when he is in playing his games.
This has been happening on and off since we were married (been married 2 years), but for the last 6 months it's been REALLY bad. The worst part is that he gets mad at ME when I don't feel like having sex when he does decide to give me the time of day, but it's hard because I feel like I'm just feeding into his problem by allowing him to get what he wants even though he doesn't put in the time to make me happy...
2006-11-12
12:24:22 ·
update #1
We have talked about this before and he makes promises like, he'll only play two or three times a week or he won't stay up passed 11 or midnight... It's good for a while then it goes back to how it was.
I don't think he "wants out" of the marriage, because when we do spend time together he is very happy, especially on vacations and things like that. It just seems like he's addicted to these games and even when he wants to make an effort to stop, he always ends up falling back into it.
I just wish I could make him understand that our relationship and our sex life would be MUCH better if he spent less time playing those games...
2006-11-12
12:31:12 ·
update #2
at lest you no were he is
2006-11-12 12:27:30
·
answer #1
·
answered by hurts so good 6
·
0⤊
1⤋
Honesty is the best medicine you must tell him that you are lonely
that him playing games all the time is ruining the relationship betwen you two. I also sense that you are sleeping in seperate rooms if he spending all this time up late at night. I would say that until he starts to respect you and to spend more time with you that a break from sex is needed he is disrespecting you and this may be the only thing that may cause him snap out of it. I do not know how old you two are but guys do this because they feel like you don't want us around we stay out of your way because we do not want to be nagged. But really maybe drag him out of the house on the weekends and go party it may just be boredom thats why he plays his videogames. Remember this we cannot read minds unless you tell us we do not know what you are thinking instead of posting this question you should be asking your husband why he plays his games all the time.
2006-11-12 12:30:29
·
answer #2
·
answered by Livinrawguy 7
·
1⤊
0⤋
Wow, he plays a lot. It seems to be the only thing he likes to do. It has definitely reached the obsessive, addictive point as he should want to play his game for maybe an hour a night, giving him plenty of other time to do things with you.
I'm not sure he'll ever understand that it bothers you - perhaps talk to him and compromise - make a plan where you spend one solid day together every weekend, and maybe 2-3 hours a night together. I'm wondering how old he is because most men I know (in their late twenties and thirties) haven't that much interest in video games.
2006-11-12 12:36:44
·
answer #3
·
answered by Rachel 7
·
0⤊
0⤋
Yes they are. They are ruining, or should I say, have ruined mine too. My story sound a lot like yours (W.O.W) It's an addiction. Nothing matters any more, he has his own business and used to be running out the door to get to work. Me and the kids leave before him everyday (who knows how long he sits and plays) Then he has to work late because he didn't get started till late. Forget sex. He want's it when he wants it, like he wants it and that's all the time I get from him till the next time he wants it soooo that's been gone for a long time. I don't even care because the resentment has built sooo much. He hates me. He's sitting next to me as we speak on the other computer playing world of war craft (crack) on the phone with his cousin helping her through some kind of quest because he's a level 60. It took him over a year to get here. If he put that much effort into his own life we'd be millionars living in a mantion. I tell people all the time, my house is falling apart, I do what I can but the kids play set has been tore down for over a year...if his game didn't work unless that play set was functioning, it would have been done a long time ago. I don't even like him any more, he's a jerk to me and the kids...I've just gone on and started to do my own thing. I guess it makes me sad that the out come is inevidable, I'm not sure what we are waiting on, but my parents split when I was young and I didn't want to do that to my kids. I want them to wake up and be able to see their dad, but he's a screaming yelling jerk in the a.m. anyway...I don't know...sorry for venting. I'm really ready to walk I guess it's just the kids holding me back.
2006-11-12 14:30:15
·
answer #4
·
answered by 123..WAIT! 5
·
0⤊
0⤋
Wow, that's bad!! My husband use to want to play xbox everyday and one day i just went in crying saying he had to choose. I love that he has something he can do for him cause we don't have cable or anything, but there has to be a limit. When he gets home from work if there are things that need to be done like the trash or dishes or help with our 2 year old that comes first. Then if i have things i need to do he will go play. you just need to make compermises(spl) Don't get rid of completely. And the sex thing. Do you ever make the effort, like when he get's home from work, do you light the candles and put on the cute stuff. I had to think what would help him want to be around me. I hope this helps
2006-11-12 12:27:29
·
answer #5
·
answered by Kodak 1
·
0⤊
0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. He either spends more time with you, or you're leaving. Then make good on it. Go stay with a friend or your parents for a couple of weeks and see what effect that has. In the meantime, try to get involved with other things. Get a job (or, if you already have one), take a class, join a gym, go out with friends, spend time with your family if they're nearby. Sadly it doesn't sound like he's too interested in working on the marriage.
2006-11-12 12:26:58
·
answer #6
·
answered by Stimpy 7
·
2⤊
0⤋
My future husband sometimes does the same thing although not as often but it is still annoying. I know how you feel.
You may have already tried this but when it gets to me I tell him that he is ignoring me & putting the game before me. I let him know that it makes me feel sad or alone especially if I end up going to bed by myself 2-3 nights in a row, that drives my crazy.
I think you just have to really voice your opinon to his face when he is not staring at the PC.
Hope this helps in some way.
2006-11-12 12:30:47
·
answer #7
·
answered by KRISTIN C 1
·
0⤊
0⤋
The real question you should be asking is... "Is our marriage ruining my husbands computer game time?"
Honestly, you need to get him off the computer and fast. He is addicted! Try this...move the computer somewhere in the house/apartment that has a high flow of traffic. That way, whenever friends come over, or family stops by, they will be able to see his addiction. Therefore, forcing him to not play as much.
Next question please.
OUT
2006-11-12 12:35:48
·
answer #8
·
answered by sergeant.friend 1
·
1⤊
0⤋
Tell him flat out its the games or you. And if he you choose the games Im outta here. Then after you have his attention you can open a dialogue and let him know exactly how you feel.
2006-11-12 12:25:08
·
answer #9
·
answered by Biker 6
·
0⤊
0⤋
Tell him that he's taking your relationship for granted, and you'd like to plan a night out, that you want to take him on a date and get to know him again:)
2006-11-12 12:28:52
·
answer #10
·
answered by Anonymous
·
1⤊
0⤋
tell him that if he wants to pay attention with those stupid computer games more than he wants to pay attention to you then you are going to spend sometime at a friends house until he comes to his senses. good Luck!
2006-11-12 12:27:27
·
answer #11
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋