I met and fell in love with the girl of my dreams 7 years ago. we got married 3 years ago. We moved away and everything was fine. Once we came back to our families and firends she has been a totally different person. I have been a bad person to her too. She left about 4 days ago and I need to know what to do... can i get her back? She got an apartment and is moving in this week. What can I do? We sat down a couple weeks ago and she said I was being controlling and agnry all the time. Now the other day she sat down and told me that I was back to normal. she said i did everything right and that she doesnt feel what she felt before this all happened. She says she is not in Love with me anymore.
i'm 23 and she is 20 turning 21 in march.
we have a 3 year old son.
I can garuntee there isnt another guy.
How do I prove to her that I can change????? I know she loves me still I think i have hurt her so much that all she is seeing right now....
2006-11-12 11:39:59 · 34 answers · asked by Justin N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't listen to all the negativity that people are posting. You can make it through this if you are both wanting too..and it sounds like you want to very much and she is cautiously willing. So that is good.
You are both young with a toddler and you're a newly married couple...so with all of these changes in your lives that can be alot to take on and manage. It is good that you are both realizing that there are changes that need to be made to make your family work. So suggest to her that you would be willing to go to counseling even if it is once a month or every other week. It's not a bad thing to have someone in the middle of the issues to sort things out.
Just keep on being open with her and be honest on your wanting to change some things. Also take some time to take her out...just the two of you have an evening out once in a while...be silly have fun...just be together...I bet it's been a while since you have done that. If you combine those things together you are off to a great start.
Any relationship needs work and there will ALWAYS (no matter how long you are married for) be rough spots that need to be worked through...it's ongoing. But as long as both people are committed to each other and seeing the family thrive then your really working from a good foundation.
Don't give up there is ALWAYS hope!!! Best wishes to you in winning your wife back!!!
2006-11-12 12:11:02 · answer #1 · answered by DreamingofU 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You got married when she was only seventeen, I am guessing because your son is three it was because of that, you met when she was 13. You have been all she knows. By your own admission you hurt her. She is growing up and she is changing , that would happen no matter what and you can not stop that. You know she has been faithful to you, and you still treated her badly. You want her to believe you changed, you are going to have to prove it and that iwll take TIME. You will have to accept her growth. You will never have that trusting 13 year old back. You are going to have to fall in love with the woman she is becoming. You have to make the woman she is becoming fall in love with you as if she was a totally new person (which she is). You have the fact you have a child together on your side. This means she will have to see you at least in reference to your son. Use those opportunities to get to know the new her. She may have to date to realize that you are not terrible. You will have to accept that. If you dont want the divorce , is it in your heart to give her the time and space she needs to grow without it? Would you agree to a long term separation while she sorts things out ? Only you can answer.
2006-11-12 11:48:45 · answer #2 · answered by fancyname 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Does the family and friends except her that may be an issue
do you act differently whenyou are around your friends and family
women are very sensitive and can be hurt very easily she may think that your family doesn't like her or she may think you change when around them. Consider counselling to get to the bottom of the issues that may have caused this sudden change do you spend more time with your friends then her that may be a problem remember even though you are young you are a married guy you must put her and your marriage first if that means spending less time with friends and family so be it. She still loves you but she doesn't want to be with a guy is controlling her evry move or is angry focus on the things you must change within you
figure out why you are angry and why you feel the need to control her. When women see this behavior they want to get out because they see it just getting worse. Show her love send flowers do something for her that you wouldn't normally do.
Tel her you love her everyday and that you appreciate her and being a mother to your child. This can be mended but you need to resolve the issues you have before you can clearly fix your marriage. Good Luck and God Bless.
2006-11-12 11:52:37 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like a difficult situation. You married young, maybe she is just feeling overwhelmed with everything. Since she is turning 21 soon maybe she just wants to be free, feeling like she lost out by being married and becoming a mother so early in her life-never getting to do the things girls her age want to do. The parties, the clubs. Want to prove to her that you can change? Seek counseling but really mean it, don't just go in a feeble attempt to win her back. Try to actully learn from the experience, don't just try to be a better husband but a better person in general. You have a child involved and this will tie the two of you together in one way or another for the rest of your lives. Maybe in time she will join you in those counseling sessions. Tell her how sorry you are for mistreating her and tell her you would like to start over again. Ask her to go on a "date" with you, if she agrees take her someplace that is special to her-maybe the place the two of you first met . Be sweet and romantic - include all of her favorite things. Let her know how much you appreciate her and that you are sorry for taking her for granted. Don't just tell her you love her - show her, in anyway that you can think of. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Let her get that apartment maybe she does just needs a litle space. But always let her know that you love her, try sending flowers to her new place. I hope you find the advice you are looking for . Best of luck to you!
2006-11-12 12:12:40 · answer #4 · answered by burnettebreeze98 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if she won't go to counseling, all you can do is give her space and love her from a distance. 'Hold on loosely, but don't let go..' it may not be enough. Usually when a girl says the 'out of love' it's either another guy or you have really hurt and devastated her. You are both young. jesus i had no idea what i wanted when i was 20-25. Since you have a kid, you'll always be 'in contact' with each other so if it's meant to be maybe you'll get back together years from now. Whatever you do--do not smother her now. if she asks for a divorce, give it to her but make sur she knows you're doing it for her and it isn't what you want. fighting it will only hurt and stress her and the woman always wins in the end if she petitions for divorce
2006-11-12 11:46:41 · answer #5 · answered by crow_326 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't matter if there is another guy right now or not: she's leaving you. You just have to accept it and let her go and not make a fool out of yourself trying to change her mind so she can at least respect you in the memory of you parting.
It's time for you to focus on yourself: develop your interests and hobbies, learn to appreciate being single again, and when you start to feel better, you'll have worked through this and will be better from what you have learned and how you have grown.
2006-11-12 12:18:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, all you can do is keep trying to get her back and be completely honest with her. You both are very young and met when you were teenagers. She was 13 when you met her! When you get married you take a huge leap. Is it possible it is not just you and your actions but her realizing she is just not ready for this life? I know that would be very hard to face but I think you really need to sit and down with her and find out the truth. If it is really you and your actions, then apologize and tell her you will do everything in your power to make things right again. But it is also possible that she really wants to move on and you will have to be ready to face that possibility too.
2006-11-12 11:57:56 · answer #7 · answered by kkolnows 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, you guys are both really young still, and she's turning 21 soon, maybe in her mind she wants freedom and feels that she can't have it being with you since she thinks your controlling her. I would write her a letter and tell her how you feel, and maybe get some marriage counseling, if she'll agree to it. The fact that she already has an apartment isn't good. What have you done to hurt her? It might be something that you not going to be able to "undo."
Best of luck.
2006-11-12 11:48:19 · answer #8 · answered by wendy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First... you need to work on yourself. You need to figure out why you have been so hurtful to her in the past. You need to get some counseling to help discover why you feel the need to be controlling and what exactly it is that makes you angry. Controlling someone isn't loving them ! Love should be unconditional. It sounds like you have taken her for granted for far too long...longer than she should have stayed already. If you can conquer your own "demons" you might be able to win her back. This will take a lot of work and patience. Trust is earned. You can do it... but you have to want to make the necessary changes...for yourself first...and then for the ones you love. There's more than one side to every story...I'm sure she has caused you some pain as well. Counseling is a great place to start the healing process. Best wishes ! I hope this helps.
2006-11-12 12:05:05 · answer #9 · answered by justmethatswho 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Take your family away from all the bad influences. Then get couples counseling to prove to her that you think your relationship is worth saving. Be the man she fell in love with in the first place. Remember how it was with you two in the beginning? It takes a ton of effort to maintain that in a marriage, but it is soooo worth it. You know what to do. Stop looking here for the easy way. There isn't an easy way.
2006-11-12 11:52:54 · answer #10 · answered by sexmagnet 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋