I don't think we would be human if we weren't tempted by situations like this. And I don't think, in spite of what others might say, that it's a reflection on your character meaning you are the worst person ever!
Having said that, I do think that maybe you're just swept up in a new feeling; something that maybe went dormant over those 15 years has been stirred up again, and it's exciting to feel that way over this person. But I caution you on acting on those feelings. I don't think that you'll end up feeling better and you don't know how it will work out. Fifteen years is a long time to be with one person and if the marriage is good, maybe you should try to improve on it and devote less time to the other guy you're attracted to.
If you believe that you must go forward and see if there's something there, you should probably separate first from your husband. If you won't do that, and you dive into this thing head first, be ready for the mess that may come afterwards if your husband finds out, and don't go into it thinking that this guy loves you and will want to be with you no matter what. He may be just as infatuated as you are, and you could end up alone after it fizzles out.
I do understand and can relate to what you're feeling though. Good luck!
2006-11-12 10:24:39
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answer #1
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answered by Chris 5
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Avoid the other person and get counseling for urself. There seems to be a void somewhere and u need to figure out what it is. What is it that the other person does or say that makes u desire to be with him? Maybe the idea of something new and exciting? Forget him! Talk to ur husband, and all the desires u have inside, share those with ur husband. It may sound hard, but if u have been with ur husband the length of time u stated, then u 2 have some form of connection. Why don't u and ur husband try to start dating again, give him a romantic card or plan a weekend getaway. Good luck!
2006-11-12 19:13:40
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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Ok now stop for a second and really think.
What would you do if you lost your husband? If he say died! Really think about it, imagine it just happened and you got the call! What would you feel? Is the though completely over whelming to you? Would you be totally destroyed? Ok now think about your marriage ending no going back he’s gone its over bye bye! That is what would more then likely happen if you did fallow your attraction to this other man! Would it be worth it? I know it feels so good to be attractive to someone for them to see you in a way you think maybe your husband doesn't anymore but think, just really think at the cost. Push away those other feeling you are having and focus on what price you would have to pay. Its probably not worth it right! Focus on that and simply stop having any kind of contact with this guy don't see him talk to him and if he is a everyday part of your life (like someone you work with) and you don't want to loose your husband get another job! If that’s not possible well if your relationship with your husband is good and you can communicate with each other maybe you should tell him that you love him and are committed to your marriage but that you are feeling attracted to this other person that you miss the way you both felt in the beginning that you wanted him to know this so that you both could try working on rekindling the spice and fire that you want to know he finds you attractive if he loves you and is a good guy he will want to make you see he still wants you and just knowing that there is someone else sniffing around what is his could do wonders in itself there is nothing that refocus a person as knowing that someone else is interested in what they have sometimes it takes an outside party to tweak the perspective and help you see just how lucky you are to be where you are and have what you have! This is what happens to most people that think that the grass looks greener on the other side they do something stupid like cheat then get caught and end up getting a divorce and the next thing you know there looking back going oh **** look at that what an idiot I had the greenest lawn the whole time and I just threw it all away! If you tell him he just might be able to see how lucky he is to have you and will have the chance to let you in on how lucky he sees he is and without the complete devastation that you choosing someone over him will bring that all goes for you to. If you fallow your flesh even if he never finds out how will you feel about yourself? And if you do get caught then what? You'll both loose respect for you and your both hurt possibly devastated all for what? An attraction!One that may never be more then a forbidden fruit thing I don't know you or your marriage but think about it,its all perspective and how your looking at it I don't know why its is so hard for us all to realize what we have intill its gone so I say first sit down with yourself measure the cost and really think about it! Focus on the worst case sinario you hook up with this guy he’s a user just wanted you because you were the forbidden fruit and once he got it well... and he’s not even what you thought he was he is a selfish lover with a tiny .... has a really hairy back ( I mean like a throw rug and sweats like a pig) and then your husband finds out and your marriage is over there’s no going back put that picture in your mind let it be what you focus on you'll see it won't take long to get this guy out of your mind try it good luck!
2006-11-12 19:24:23
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answer #3
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answered by pucker-up 1
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you sound like someone who is beginning to enter the "midlife crisis". quick advice - read up on it. it's the phase when the things you valued for so long (not limited to your marriage) start getting questioned (including your marriage). then you start feeling the itch to try out other options.
you're not the first to experience this, and it happens to both male and female. in other words, don't just give in to the temptation. your having those feelings for another man doesn't mean that your marriage is doomed. instead, use this as a chance to do a serious examination of your relationship with your husband - start a real heart-to-heart talk - examine your strengths and your pitfalls, find out which are serious flaws, find out which are just day-to-day irritations (and find out which irritations have led to long-term changes in perspective about the other person). better yet, engage the help of a counselor.
if in the process you discover that you are really meant for each other and are able to "clean up your house", then that's the best thing that could happen from this "temptation". if, on the other hand, you discover that you have been sweeping major compatibility issues between you and your husband under the rug all these years, then this could be the beginning of authenticity, liberation, and deeper happiness for each of you.
2006-11-12 18:30:30
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answer #4
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answered by Yeye Vonnel 2
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I'm kind of in the same boat. I guess what I wonder is if ya slept with this other fellah when you and the husband were having rough times. (If so, does the husband know it?) I wouldn't volunteer that little piece of info. either if I were you. I have a pretty bad to mundane marriage myself and DID divorce this guy but he talked me into getting remarried (he got sick for one thing.) I am attracted to other men, sure! I feel like **** for that. My husband isn't able to perform in the bedroom but I don't believe in cheating on him (we got a kid) SO here I sit.. nothing goin' on. I've got it worse than you do, I am thinking. (see? There are others out there worse off.) I think who you ought to talk to is NOT the husband but.. the boyfriend.. Go talk tohim! See if he feels something for you.. alright? Yes, that's the right thing to do. I know that's not going to be a very popular answer BUT, you have to do it! Why? You need to see also what YOU feel when you see him.. If he doesn't feel the same (maybe stronger) even, go stay with the husband.. Otherwise, you will always wonder if you 'missed a big love' or something.. (This happened to me.. I know. it hurts.) It is NOT the right thing to do to 'forget this other person.' You've been trying that and it didn't and isn't working, right? (You already been 'concentrating on the marriage' gf.. it's been goin' on for l5 years, right? You know what you are doing there..) g'luck- You need more time on this matter..
2006-11-12 18:20:37
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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Ask yourself this would it be all right with you if your husband found someone who made him feel good while the two of you were going through hard times? If you love your husband you owe it to him to let this other person go. It is easy to be attracted to another person especially when going through a rough patch in marriage. However, you really don't want to make a mistake that will hurt very badly someone who you love. Put yourself in your husbands shoes and imagine if you were the one who may be hurt would you like it?
2006-11-12 18:37:23
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Sooo, do you want cheating tips? Somebody to say screwing another guy is OK, because hubby is the only guy you've been with? Since you've said you know forgetting this idea is what you should do- but asked it any way, I suppose you are seeking ideas to avoid getting caught, as an inexperienced, novice slout. You might try reading some nice trashy novels, or watching soap operas. Good ideas there. I CAN tell you things to avoid, based on experiences I went through with my ex. Don't allow naked pics. They hurt Hubby- if the jerk shows him. If you have an oven with a timer, you can put dinner on, and let it start automatically. Then, when Hubby gets home, you can be taking a good supper out- and he won't know that you just got done spreading for Sir Spermy. Be sure to dial a innocent number on your phone after talking to Spermy, so if Hubby hits redial, he doesn't get Sperm man. So, enjoy yourself. I hope it costs you as much as it cost my ex. She had her fun, but didn't get to have a relationship with her parents for their last ten years. But, on the plus side, she did get to have a lot of bar friends.
2006-11-12 19:20:35
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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Feelings aren't something that you turn off or on for that matter, what is important is how you govern yourself when these feelings arise. Remember you are married and even though you have not experimented and I believe the temptation is great, you made a vow to a man you considered to be the only one for you. Marriage is a big deal and I hate that fact that society seem to treat it so casually, like getting up on mornings and brushing your teeth. If this man really cares for you he would walk away even without you having to say so.
2006-11-12 18:33:42
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answer #8
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answered by Frances P 1
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First Clear your mind of all visuals of this person, imagine what would happen if your hubby found out. What would he do, what would he say. If you have children, how will they react to it and you. Pray, because i have been with my husband for 4 years. I have been in the same boat you are in. But I stopped it, prayed to God that he will remove this tempation from your mind, body and spirit, that is threatning my body, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I found myself starting to fall for this person, I put it in God's hands that he would remove this tempation from me. You know what God moved him to Arizona, with his girlfriend. Yes he had a girlfriend of 3 years. But I didn't care, the boy was bad. He had a dic that would make you get wet just looking at it. But i had to give myself, my body and my mind back to the person that gave me life...God. He has strethened me where I only have a interest in the man I married, I feel myself trying to look, but I immediately say my prayer and I am good. See if this works for you. Lord, help me to only have a body vessel for my husband only, continue on strengthening me where i am strong and hude me where i am weak. Trust me its going to be heard, but you have to be willing to be an open vessel of trust, confess your sins to God, or what ever your religion may be. Put everything into Him and you will never ever go wrong.
Read Philippens 4:13
2006-11-12 18:49:36
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answer #9
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answered by VivaciousandSexy 3
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I think every married person has been through this at some point...don't go there. The only thing that will come out of this is pain and sadness for all involved. Make every opportunity to stay away from this other person.
2006-11-12 18:39:54
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answer #10
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answered by me 6
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