me and my b/f have been togeather 4 just 4 years now and ive had one baby but lost it 2 months 2 weeks into it im now 17 and that happened when i was 15 but now im 17 and hes 19 i would really like to try 4 another baby but he keeps saying no so do i give up on the idea and get a pet or sit him down and really talk to him and see what we both *** up with i just really want a baby of my own to love with my b/f and be a happy family and stop fighting and everything i just really need sum advise and so cocky or silly replys plesae i just need some real advice to a confushing question (desision)
2006-11-12 09:37:47 · 31 answers · asked by **kinky-kit** 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
If you guys are fighting already then a baby will not make it better. My husband is my best friend and we almost never had a fight in the 7 years we were together... until baby came. It almost ended us in divorce court!
Babies are such a joy, but they put so much strain on you as an individual and as a couple. Also if he isn't ready for a baby and you guys have one he could end up resenting you and the baby.
I know how you feel about loosing your first one, I also lost a baby when I was very young. And because of that I wanted to have children when I was your age because I felt like something was missing. But I am 25 and am so glad that I waited to have mine.
As far as age goes I don't think that your age has any thing to do with it, I just think that you want to make sure that your life is stable first because having a baby will completely turn it upside down, no matter what the circumstances. Good luck
2006-11-12 13:01:29 · answer #1 · answered by deans_mom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After reading everyone else's replies to this question. I think its pretty safe to say, no; you are too young. Maybe instead of bringing something in to your relationship to make it better, you should instead try and fix whatever problems there are with you and your b/f. You should also work on an education. Having a pet doesn't even compare to a baby. A baby isn't a pet; however, having a pet will help you if you feel lonely. Even having a pet though requires a lot of work. Just this week I had to spend close to 16 hours cleaning and grooming a 7 week old kitten becuase it had flees and ticks all over it. If you have the time and the attention span to do this then by all means go ahead. I think personally you should wait on having a child till you are around 20 to 25. Technically you have around your mid 40's to have a child. You have more then 20 years to start a family before you become barren, so live it up and enjoy life.
2006-11-12 12:42:55 · answer #2 · answered by mr_pain_in_the_toe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you must feel like you want someone to love and love you back, and you can feel broody at any age.
I know lots of people who have been very young when they had children and do a fantastic job of it.
I had the broody feeling when i was your age but i had no partner it was impossible thank god and i got a dog instead - a great decision.
I'm engaged now and have my own house and am expecting my first child early May.
I'm 20 now, so 3 years of waiting paid off big time for me (not that i had much hope conceiving on my own)...
I'm a bit worried about the "and stop fighting" bit - not a good idea to have a baby with someone you are fighting with in any sense of the word ...
If BF doesn't want a baby there is nothing you can do really because if an accident (planned or real) happens then he may resent you and you maybe left with a baby minus the happy family bit and promote more arguments. I hope things work out for you and you make the right choices. x
2006-11-12 14:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I read in your question that you want to stop fighting, I know that you are young and I am not saying that I don't have an opinion on that... however... the real problem lies in the fact that you think that a baby will make everything perfect and a happy family... Hunny, a happy family is not made with a baby, it is made from the love that you and your spouse/BF share BEFORE having a baby.... I know how you feel and I am not belittling you by saying this...your self esteem sounds like it is really low right now and you think that the only way for you to truly have love is to have a baby that you THINK will unconditionally love you.... When I was a teenager I felt the same way. You need to find someone that you can talk to .. someone where you feel safe and secure, and loved... I do not know where you live, but I am sure that there are resources where you live that can help you, even if you do not feel comfortable talking to your family. You definately need to go to a Family PLanning Clinic, you will get resources, support and hopefully better informed decisions out of these processes.
Please please please, look at your relationship in depth and look at yourself in the mirror and find out what you are really needing... and I am sure that you will realize that it is not a baby :-)
2006-11-12 09:52:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
1st
since you are asking this question, you already know the answer
2ND,
your boyfriend already knows the answer
3rd
if you think having a baby will stop the fighting, then you already should know the answer
4,
you need to grow up and mature before you bring another baby into this world. your boyfriend seems to have the right answer
So are you still asking what the answer is????
NO. No. NO. NO.NO
bringing a child into this world is a HUGE responsibility,
Wait till your 20-25 and then think about getting married and starting a family with that real special someone.
There are too many kids out there thinking that they need a baby to be loved and too love, and that's how we have so many kids in foster care. because they just can't handle the stress of raising a child for the next lifetime.
Get a pet, or a teddy bear and love it, and then when you grow up and don't have to ask this question then maybe and only maybe will you be able to honestly answer this question your self
THINK ABOUT IT, A BABY IS A LIVING BREATHING HUMAN, NOT A TOY TO BE PUT OFF LATER WHEN THE TOUGH GETS GOING, AND THE NOVELTY WEARS OFF
2006-11-12 09:52:30 · answer #5 · answered by Mumof3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, a baby will not make you stop fighting and become a happy family. 99.999999% of the time if a baby is brought into a relationship that is struggling, the relationship will end. This will especially happen if the man doesn't even want the baby. Then you will end up alone with a baby that you will love and adore but may not be able to take care of. Secondly, you should have enough respect for his wishes to wait. He realizes that he is too young to be a father, so don't try to pressure him. It will only make him want to run (not walk) away from you. Last, but not least, you are only 17 years old. I know you think that life would be all peaches and cream if you could just have what you want, but raising a child is HARD!!! I had my daughter when I was 19, and I think I was still waaaaaay too young. Please just get a dog or something and wait before you mess up not only your life, but also a precious baby's.
2006-11-12 09:44:40 · answer #6 · answered by rdnck_grl_ms_007 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. You are not alone. Statistics say that there are 18% of ladies in Amarica who are below 20 and have kids.
Dear friend, i think your b/f is right. It is too early for having a kid. There are phychological problems. There are legal problems. For you as well as you b/f. More than the law, it is an issue of why the law has been made. And that is, you are too young to have a child. You could affect you physically and mentally. He is right. This time. Not the last one.
Yes, you should get a pet. that's what will keep you motherly instincts alive and keep you company. Plus, you will love to play with the pet. It is said that a pet can bring homes together. As I see from you note, you and your b/f keep fighting. I guess that will stop.
You can think of the kid only after you are 21. That's the earliest you can have a kid.
All the best.
2006-11-12 10:09:37 · answer #7 · answered by bedraj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to sound mean to you, but I don't even think that you need a pet, let alone a human baby! you are 17 have fun, go to school, get an education, and a good job so that when you do have a baby you can provide for them and spoil them. They are way more expensive and time consuming than you think, welfare only buys necessities and Wal-Mart clothes and shoes! Is that what you want for you and your baby?! And by the way I am in college, and I have studied this concept (I am a social science major), and despite what you may have heard, having a child often ruins a relationship, not helps! All studies show that the most unhappy time in a relationship or marriage is when a child is brought into it, as it carries a lot of stress, I will be happy to tell you more, all you have to do is just ask!
2006-11-12 09:45:34 · answer #8 · answered by pitbull lover 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I thought I'd give you a guy's perspective on this, though I'm not sure it's much different from anyone else's who has already answered.
It seems to me that you already know the answer to your question - you should wait, get a pet, love that unconditionally, and enjoy life with your boyfriend. There's no hurry to have a baby - I think your man knows this, and is trying to do right by you - give it time, save up some cash if you can, because having a baby can be quite expensive! and when you both feel ready, then that's the right time.
But do sit down and talk with him - let him know how you feel, but don't make him feel like he's trapped - if you have a strong relationship, he should be able to listen to your points of view, and you to his.
Good luck and best wishes!
2006-11-12 10:01:28 · answer #9 · answered by Robert H 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't have a baby unless you're sure you can handle the responsibility. Grow up a bit first and make sure that you can support the baby's needs. At that point, if your bf doesn't want to have kids, maybe it's time to find someone who wants the same things you do.
As a teacher, I see kids whose moms were your age when they were born. These kids often grow up without a father and close to or in poverty. For the sake of your future child, wait until you're at least old enough to drink before having a baby. And having a long-term commitment, whether it be marriage or some sort of civil union, is also important before having a child.
If you want to get a pet, go for it. It'll be good preparation for having a baby, but once again, don't rush into having a baby. You have plenty of time.
2006-11-12 09:43:35 · answer #10 · answered by Kate F 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋