Boring Husband?

Question

When i met my husband he was interesting and lively. Now that we are married, i feel so settled. He goes to bed at 9:30 every night, on weekends he always wants to be home early. he does not have many interests, he does not like to read, or dance. I love to read, and dance. We have nothing to talk about. I on the other hand am an extremely adventurous go getter. i like to be up late, socializing, have interesting conversation. I just can't get it through to him that i am really depressed over this. And maybe i am being one sided, i am not sure. He does wake up early in the morning for work, and is usually tired at the end of the week. Our income can be limited and we do live in an expensive metropolis. He is really a very loving guy, and does a lot for me. He thinks i am focusing to much on one thing, and not on all the positive qualities he does have. Any advice?

Answer 1

i am sorry you are feeling so down on your marriage. i can't put myself in this category , due to us both working full time jobs. and we too are in the bed early and ready for another work week. he has to feel rested to work and i realize you feel pushed aside. but just make the early bed time a event you both can look forward to. you could get on his routine with him , up with him in the morning...do things that show you care. like a hot breakfast before work , will make him think of you all day. you can put the spice back into this an not be near as bored with it.

Answer 2

Do you work outside the home or are you home during the day. I can see why you're bored if you don't have some kind of job or volunteer work. You can only clean house and cook so much and then ......Sounds like you have a hard working good spouse, you are so lucky. You say he used to be interesting, what about him was interesting? Take a look at what he likes to do and then start planning and not something where he can fall asleep like the movies. Depending on where you live there can be many activities to do together. Most guys don't like to dance because they don't know how, so how about going to your local rec center and signing up for a dance class, say salsa. Any active exercise will get his blood moving and energize him. Just once a week will make all the difference in your life and his. If you just can't get him to do anything take a few classes on your own, just don't take time away from him. Do concentrate on his positive qualities, it will make for a loving lasting relationship.

Answer 3

It's hard when one spouse wants more, and the other is happy with how things are. You mentioned that he is a loving guy, and does a lot for you - Do you know how many women would love to find a guy like that? Finding these traits in a man is like gold these days.

The fact that he gets up early and works all day, is a good reason why he would be tried and ready for bed by 9:30. Try getting up with him in the mornings, spending some time with him then...who knows maybe when you start getting up when he does you will be more tired at night.

On the other hand, as you show willingness to be more on his schedule he will more then likely be more sensitive to yours.
Maybe he will save one night a weekend or every other weekend to stay up and do something fun with you.

Another idea is to plan and schedule a night together...
let him know in advance, so he can prepare to stay up late and be with you. You can also work out some kind of compromise - Some nights you can go to bed early with him and others he can stay up late with you.

The other thing to remember is some people are born night owls and others aren't. Good luck and try to focus on the positives...

When we focus on the positives we tend to be much happier people.

Answer 4

If you love him, stay with him. There is nothing compared to having a stable marriage, home, and a loving husband. Something that you can do is find a job to put all of the energy that you carry at rest. This will help with the so called limited income and then you both can be leveled with something. Maybe then, you will realize what it feels like to be tired and just wanting to rest and relax. You will also meet other people and will see the other side of being busy all of the time. I think you are just bored because you probably don't do much. Sorry if I am wrong, but you asked for advice. Take care of your hubby and keep on loving him.

Answer 5

The burden seems to be on you to develop your husband's interest in something the two of you can share. Whatever He did to trick you into such a dull life was wrong and You should have made it clear that life is more than sleeping and working. If a person has to live to work there is not much hope for the future. It does not cost money to share magic moments. Simply let Him know that things need to change. The future requires more interest in life than existing. Rather than make a fixed routine let him know the two of you are going to find things to do that are not expensive. A simple walk in the country or joining a bowling league creates positive feelings. Even putting together a family day trip adds something to life. Perhaps He will start planning things on his own when He realizes You need activities.

Answer 6

I have the same problem with a boyfriend... He talks talks talks about boring subjects constantly. When I try to change the subject or have some silence, he waits until after I'm done and then goes back to finish his boring stories. My family and friends think he is boring, but he does have a lot of very nice qualities that make me accept some, but not all, of his boring stories. He wants to get married but I think things would only get worse. I think you and I both need a variety of people in our lives. Maybe there's a way to balance things so that you spend a few nights a week at home with him and a few nights doing things with other people.

Answer 7

You don't have anything in common and it will get worst as time goes by.Eventually you will start wanting to go out and I don't think people that have nothing in common marriage can really survive. Your as different as daylight and dark and he may be the greatest husband in the world, but I don't think your marriage will survive, you already said he is boring and that will bear on your mind until you start going out and having a good time. Best Of Luck To The both of you.

Answer 8

Sweetie,
I am very sure you love your husband. Mine is the same way. If he works full time, this is normal for most hard working men. Be Glad that he is home and not out partying with his friends and running around on you.
My advice is...dont let it get you down. Get out of the house and spend time doing things with your family and friends. If you start going out without him, its going to make him wonder where you are and who your with. Always ask him if he would like to join you when you go ....eventually he will get lonely sitting at home by himself.
Otherwise, just accept him the way he is and Love him. Remember...You married him for better or worse, for richer or poorer...Right?? Everything will be fine.
Good luck !
Laura

Answer 9

Do what you like. Let him do what he likes and try to find somewhere to let the two cross. You don't need him to read in order to enjoy reading. You can dance with your friends. Focus on the positive points about him and enjoy your independence. Marriage is a union of souls not bodies.

Answer 10

Sounds like you don't work. Living in NYC and you don't work. You wonder why he's worn out and does not want to do anything. I have a solution, get a job, work like a dog and you will figure out how he feels. In fact if you both are working, he may not be as tired and may want to do more stuff with you.

Does this sound like a plan?