i have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now,we have 2 children and he has been physically, mentally and emotionally abusive since i was pregnant with our first son 5 yrs ago. ive had black eyes a broken nose and countless bruises. i finally got the nerve to leave after our last altercation and its been 3 days since i have been home. ive spoken to him a few times and he swears its gonna be different this time. ive heard that a thousand times and dont have much faith in it, but he has agreed to get counseling if i get it set up for him. but will counseling really help a man that is this far gone?he has the potential to be a good man he just has serious issues with his anger. i just need some advice please...
2006-11-12 07:32:44 · 22 answers · asked by Pamela 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Advice? Easy. Run back to the guy that has blackened your eyes, broken your nose, and used you as a punching bag for years. He'll eventually kill you. Then, he'll go to prison for life, and not endanger some innocent woman. OR, you can stay away from the jerk, and perhaps build a life where you don't get beat up. Your choice.
2006-11-12 08:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, he has to get counseling and want counseling and SET IT UP for HIMSELF. You are not his secretary! He needs some serious anger management therapy, which is more than counseling. During that time I would not live with him. Then I would make the decision. I think some joint counseling would be beneficial so he could hear from a professional the impact he is having on not only you but his children. It is destructive for you and especially for the kdis....your 5 year old son will end up wanting to be just like dad, or being like Dad. Like Dr Phil says (I am not a big fan) but kids emulate their same sex parent and that is the most important role model in their life.
2006-11-12 16:27:31 · answer #2 · answered by Beth M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to set up his own counseling and go irregardless of whether or not you ever speak to him again in this life or the next.
If he goes for counseling, works hard on himself and really changes and proves it by his lifestyle over the next few years, then maybe you two could talk about getting back together at some point in the very distant future.
For now, stay as far away from this guy as you can. He is just playing with your head and telling you what he thinks you want to hear because he needs you to come back so he can beat you up some more. Don't be fooled. He's just dangling a carrot in front of a hungry rabbit.
2006-11-12 16:25:11 · answer #3 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really do not need to go back with him because if you do all of the abuse will start all over again. If he keeps saying he is going to change and he has not done so yet, what makes you think that this will be different. You done the right thing by leaving him. If he was really serious about changing and going to counseling then he would make the arrangements himself and not ask you to do it. You and your children need to start a new life without him. I know that it will be hard but I was in the same situation but I only had one child with my ex. You learn from your mistakes so you should count this mistake as a lesson learned.
2006-11-12 17:11:59 · answer #4 · answered by angelamcl8302 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey anything is possible and I do hope that the counsel ling helps him work through some of his anger issues. However he is the one with the problem and in my opinion is old and man enough to arrange this for himself and not make you responsible for finding him a counselor. It is a sad fact that so much abuse is reported today and that you were victimized by it and that the children had to bear witness to this display of unmanliness. Sorry to report that history almost always repeats itself and so the odds that this type of behaviour almost always rears it's ugly head again. But if your man is sincere in his desire to change and can find other ways and things to do as outlets for his anger then perhaps he will not strike you again. My advice would be that he call for the help himself and that you allow your gut instances dictate to you whether or not you feel save in his presence. Best of luck.
2006-11-12 15:44:17 · answer #5 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT GO BACK
Nothing against men, but they hate to lose. When they do, they will do anything to "win" again. He will change, he will apologize, he will be good to you, and he will go to counseling. Just until you are comfortable. He will boost your confidence in him and once that happens he will see that he has regained what he set out for in the first place. Once he sees that, all those old habits will come out at full force and you will find yourself in the same boat. You are out, and safe. Stay that way. If you go back, it might not be as easy next time. Men are very possessive. You have to cut that tie. This is how men that are abusive work. They promise, they change, like I said before. Please take this advise.
Think of your children...
2006-11-12 16:27:11 · answer #6 · answered by pinfuzz2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a guy and when it comes to hitting a woman, a guy should only have one chance. The is no excuse for it at all, none at all.
I have asked a question about this last night why women stay, I think now alot of women stay because of self confidence, scared what would happen if they do leave, and worry about a roof over the kids heads. If you have family you can turn do, I would say leave. Any woman basher is not a men, I have another name for them but can't say here.
He does not deserve you in his life.
I wish you the best and hope from 95% of real men that it was for the last time.
2006-11-12 15:44:00 · answer #7 · answered by I'm In Love With Delicious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love him and have a desire to help him through his anger issues, stay away from him for now. He needs to undergo counseling, and he needs to have the consequence of your leaving as something you're STICKING WITH for now. Until he gets out of a monitored program and CONTINUES counseling, you should not attempt to have a relationship with him. Even given counseling, there is no guarantee that he will change, but for your and your son's safety, you need to avoid him now, and for ever if he can't change his behavior.
2006-11-12 15:39:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well what i think is...if u really love him and want things better talk to a therapist as a family and go over to his house and maybe have a cop stay outside and if he doses something just press a beeper thingy and then you'll know u made a mistake...if he shows improvment u might be able to trust him. Its a really confusing situation but if what i told you dosesnt work i sorry my dad is the same way he needs anger mangement and he gets drunk way to much and it scares me so i know what its like once he puched my head about 5 times in a row and it was bumpy then when the weekend was over it was gone and no one seen it so that made me cry i prolly didnt help u any better saying that but i tried
2006-11-12 15:44:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. He won't. Just look at the countless stories of women who believed their man can change. And think about your kids do you really want them to see their own father beating up their mom? My best friends mother was married to this kind of a guy and through many beatings she got brain damage and eventually died. You can't want such a future for your kids do you? Leave him it will be the best thing you can do. If you want you can support him but only slightly but you definitely shouldn't get back into a relationship with him.
2006-11-12 15:40:01 · answer #10 · answered by selene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋