I was out with my cousin on a rare not out about 2 weeks ago and she told me that a month before i got married my hubby slept with someone else at a xmas party last year, I phoned up the girl in question and said that he had just told me and i wanted to know why she had done it as we were supposed to be mates!, after a while she said it was a mistake and they were both very drunk and she didnt really know me that well at the time!, then i dropped myself in it somehow by letting her know who really told me so she then denied it and said they only shared a kiss, when i got home i also asked my hubby and he also said it was just a kiss but then 10 minutes later he got a text from her saying"i told her it was just a kiss, ok". They are now both denying it, but the problem is she works with him so they see alot of each other, he told me that he hasnt seen her since! Also this girl claims to be a lesbian. She knew we had 2 kids together and were just about to get married. I am still hurting!
2006-11-12 06:45:48 · 33 answers · asked by noone 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also the reason y cousin knew is because her boyfriend works at the same place as my hubby and this girl.
I have said to him that we will try and make ago of our marrige, but i cannot get this out of my head!
2006-11-12 06:48:13 · update #1
How long have you been married? That was something that happened before you got married, don't let the demon mess up your house. You need to leave this alone, forgive him and move on, don't dwell on this, it will only eat at your spirit. It was a mistake that happened before you got married, and whether she knew about you or not, the thing is it is in the past. Do you know the primary job of the enemy? It is to kill, steal and destroy. The enemy hates marriage(unity), so it will do anything and work through anyone to destroy your marriage. Don't let it win... Pray and ask God to help you heal. Forgive him, and let it go.
2006-11-12 08:23:14 · answer #1 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a hard situation and if your husband is willing to continue to lie about it then he is a coward.
Spend sometime alone or with your kids and think things through, then speak with him on a rational level, ask him to lay "all the cards on the table" if he admits and repents thats fine but what is he going to do to put it right...i.e move job, delete her number etc.
If you are really worth it to him he will try to put right any hurt caused. I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you had done the same, so don't feel like your nagging, for your own peace of mind and the restoration of the marriage you need to talk plainly and simply and make a plan together.
You can give second chances, but be sure you can continue to live as normal knowing what you do now.
I'm sorry for the hurt you're feeling, people can be so thoughtless,selfish and just plain stupid when it comes to relationships.
2006-11-12 07:02:18 · answer #2 · answered by jessieket04 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband needs to be more loyal to you. To know if he is lying, check if he is not looking at you while answering the question, or if he says it in an annoyed voice. The truth always comes around so don't worry sooner or later your husband will feel guilt and tell you the truth.
As for the girl?
she has no right to sleep with him or kiss him. As you said the girl knows that both of you have kids together so she has to have a little bit of respect to herself.
GoOd LuCk!!!!
2006-11-12 06:57:39 · answer #3 · answered by Jelly(: 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this is the first instance of him ever messing about I would not run to the divorce courts.....
Talk ask him why and how did he carry on like nothing was happening and not feeling total guilt....
People will say get divorced but they do not understand that this is your life and the kids.......
I would in no un certain terms tell him if he even so much as looks at another women, you will pack his case for him....There will be no discussion......So at least he knows the score
I have been there love and it humiliates you, and u wonder if you actually know them,,,,,time does heal but one chance only for him........you cant be put through this again.....
Good luck honey xxxx
Oh yeah I would make him change jobs at the first opportunity
2006-11-12 06:56:41 · answer #4 · answered by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It does hurt im 15 and i dated a guy for along time and he cheated on me but then my teacher said in ordser for u to call it cheating u have to be married because the definition of cheating is 1: not faithful to a spouse
to have an affair with someone u are married to talk to him communication is the key to everything tell him how u feel see if he makes u feel better and find out WHY he did it !
2006-11-12 06:50:56 · answer #5 · answered by Mikayla 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2015-01-28 12:42:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame you. I am not sure if you should stay with this man. If he cheated on you a month after you married (and you already had two children), he isn't very faithful. It could happen again...especially since he works with her every day, all day. I'd insist on marriage counseling so that he tells you the whole truth and agrees to find another job away from this woman he cheated with. That should be mandatory in order to stay with him. Also, I'd ask that cousin why she felt she needed to tell me all this right now. (Instead of right after he did it?) Is he, maybe, cheating on your again and she knows it?
2006-11-12 07:10:27 · answer #7 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can you ever trust him again? A betrayal like this is big, especially since he's lying about what happened. If the other woman has already admited to sex and then changed her mind, obvoiusly it happened.
If you think you can move past this, you both need to go to therapy. You need to learn how to trust him again and that is something that takes counsling.
However, if it were me i'd take my kids and drop the looser and find someone who deserves to be a part of my family.
*hugs* I'm so sorry. good luck
2006-11-12 06:51:28 · answer #8 · answered by lilgiggle33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first if your cousin need to tell you she should have a long time ago let sleeping dogs sleep and the reason you cant let this go is because they where together so i am sure your feel like its stil lgoing on plus you feel like all these people had a idea and never told you he need a new job and no contact with this woman good luck
2006-11-12 07:33:10 · answer #9 · answered by allison b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aww how nice even though you know about it, they are both still going behind your back and saying it was just a kiss!!!
still has hes number?! how long have they been secretly in touch then after the "kiss" at the xmas party!!
I could'nt stay with someone who still denied that anything happened even though they know you know!!!!
Good Luck with this, but if he dont admit that he did have sex (and then try to rebuild the marraige) with her this is going to eat you up inside!!!
2006-11-12 07:05:30 · answer #10 · answered by Fader's Girl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋