My mom is very old fashioned, she believes that the women should do the cooking cleaning and all that stuff so she "trains" me to be a good house wife, on top of that my mom wants me to get my degree in nursing and make a lot of money, and then on top of that she expects me to marry a rich man( or marry for money more than love). Also, she constantly gets mad at me for having a messy room i am almost 17 and she keeps talking about how I am soo messy for a teenage girl (which by the way i honestly try to clean when i have the time) also most teenagers rooms are messy. I believe she got this idea because she is from the philipiens and she had to clean and help support herself at a young age. My older brother was never really home so my parents never got to know how teenagers are. Also, my curfew is 8pm, when all my other friends have a curfew of 11pm. Please if you have any comments on how to get my mom caught up plz post!!!
2006-11-12 06:38:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It sounds like moms got your life all planned out all nice and neat for you doesn't it? I really hate to say it, but I am. This is like so totally typical of concerned parents, myself as well. What I have learned thus far from parenting teenagers is:
1.) Don't sweat the small stuff. Meaning, it's their room and if they want to live in a pig sty, WHO CARES!!! If they can't find their favorite flip-flops because there is 8 ft. of clothes and crap on the floor, they have no one to blame but themselves! And us as parents are free of accepting the blame.
2.) Let your kids pick their own careers. My mom wanted me to be a nurse to. Oh my God, did she want me to be a nurse! Me? If I saw blood I barfed. Not a good quality to possess if you have to work in the ER. Things would go from bad to worse in a matter of minutes, if I had a career such as that. I wanted to own a curiosity shop at the end of town. Nothing glamorise, just something to call mine. KEY POINT PARENTS: You can lead the horse to water, but you can't make them drink.
3.) Don't push money over love. That just makes my skin crawl. Being financially responsible to pay for your bills, and have enough left over to eat, drive, play a little. What's wrong with that? It looks to me, that the people I see swimming in cash are lacking in a very vital organ. A FUNCTIONING BRAIN. I would much rather live in a card board box behind a gas station, then sponge off my parents investments and carry a chiuawa under my arm.
4.) Ease up on the curfews, folks. That is UNLESS your teen has proved that they cannot be trusted. Then by all means, tug on the reigns till they get the message that when you say 11pm, you mean 11:00pm standard time, not 11:00am the next day or central time or in Pakistan. Whatever the excuse may be, and by golly, they can come up with some doosies. As long as their homeworks done, they have been in good standings with the family and they haven't broke too many laws, whynot bump up their stay out time? If it's their safety your worried about, send a cell phone with them. You may have a couple calls on there that you wern't expecting, but oh well. At least you can find them at all times.
Well, my dear, share this with your mom and keep an open mind. All in all, she is your mom and it sounds like she cares about you a whole lot. Your very lucky....(yea, yea, yea I know what your thinking!) But us parents do strange funky old fashioned stuff because we care about you little brats. We just want to raise you to the point where you can function in society without drooling down your fronts, and then you on your own.........
2006-11-12 07:09:48 · answer #1 · answered by frigidx 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to remember that your mom is from a different time period than you and not only that she is from a different culture than you. The things that she is trying to teach you applied when she was a young lady, but they don't neccesarily apply now, however, there is nothing wrong with teaching you to be clean and to get a good job. You will need to support yourself in the real world when you grow up and move out and you'll be much happier if you have a good job. Don't choose a man for money, but remember, you can do a lot more when you're not poor. Love wears off after a few years and if you don't have a good job and don't have any money, you'll break up more than likely. Just be glad your mom cares enough to take an interest. A lot of moms don't care or they are too self absorbed to take time to discipline their daughters. Try asking your mom nicely to stay out later or see if you can do something to earn the right to stay out later one night. Like offer to do a chore for the right. Good luck to you!
2006-11-12 14:58:11 · answer #2 · answered by clanwadsworth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'd probably find that your mum does actually understand teenagers, just not your generation. As each generation comes along, so does technology. I'm only 21 and there's still an absolute amazing difference between what I could have when I was your age and what you can have now.
Your mum might not understand you but she is doing what she thinks is best for you...which no one is saying that you have to agree to it, she's just doing it because that's what she was probably shown growing up.
About your room...How hard is it to make your bed each morning and put things away after you use them instead of throwing it where ever and making a mess which if you're that busy that you couldn't put it away in the first place, what makes you think that you're ever going to get a chance to put it away???
Look after yourself and your space. If you don't look after yourself, no one is going to do it for you and it will be all down hill from there.
The curfew... Really depends on the area your living in. I know that if I lived in not the safest of areas I would probably insist on having that earlier curfew too....Sure, but it can never happen to you right? That's what I thought once apon a time.
2006-11-12 14:47:12 · answer #3 · answered by kittycat_cc14 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. I was a messy teen and came from a traditional minded family as well.
Things change, but some things remin the same. I believe the reason your mom is so insistant you be clean is principally because she cares and that she know that sooner or later you need to be more organized to be successful.
I know, I was one of the messiest and eventually I had to get my act together because when you live with someone else you eventually have to do your part at least out of respect of their sense of organisation. It is easier to have this habit before you get into that situation. So earlier is better.
Secondly, indeed, marrying up is a old fashioned way of looking to improve one's offspring's life.
It is difficult to detach oneself of old traditions especially if they have worked sucessfully in the past.
When we have children, the only thing we can give them that could last forever are values and principles. Whenever some of those values or principles have worked well for us, of course it is expected that we try to impress, instill or pass on thoise values to our children.
Parents are people too. And everybody makes mistakes. But keep in mind what the design or the intentions are and maybe the specifics of what she asks of you to be or to do won't aggravate you so much.
In time everything will be up to you. Bide your time. If you disagree on the reasons or how your mom wants you to get ahead in life it is your prerogative.
Just don't lose sight of why she feels that way.
HTH
2006-11-12 14:49:59 · answer #4 · answered by drjp81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like your mother is preparing you to survive in a hostile world and she's doing a good job of it. You are lucky. Most kids have parents who are too lazy or don't care enough to stick with teaching their child discipline.
You dont have to be a nurse but if you have some kind of degree you will have no problem finding a good job.
As far as the cooking & cleaning, even if you dont marry its a good skill to have for yourself.
It's not that your mother isnt caught up with the rest of the parents it's that she understands what it takes to survive and even in the USA there is no free ride unless you want to be a welfare bum.
It's the other parents that need to catch up to your mother. Give her a break and take a good close look at her. She loves you deeply enough to want to be your mother rather than your friend and that has to be hard.
2006-11-12 14:44:13 · answer #5 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
hi. i can understand ur feelings.i'm also gone through this age. in this age if u want to do any thing and somebody stops u, u feel bad. u'll thought that person doesn't love u. i aggry that u r 17 and take care of yourself; but she's more experienced than u about the fact of LIFE. i know u feel bad as u read this 'cause it's not in your support. but after some years u can understand why i was talking for. Not only your mom my mom also,i think all moms in the world want to protect their babies from the outer world. BECAUSE they know the world and the people much more than us. SO LISTEN TO HER. Knowing cooking is good for u asit helps when u stay far from your mom. She won't be present their to feed you. You have to do that by yourself. Thinking of this she might be telling u to cook. Help her in her work as you get time. Spend some time with her in kitchen.She feel good.
I think you like messy room. but sweetheart your friends won't. think in this way,you went to a friend of yours. and you saw all things are spread in the room. threre is no place to sit either. HOW DO YOU FEEL THAT TIME?? TOO BAD, won't you? In the same way they feel. By keeping your room clean you can find things easily. So choice is yours.
Now lets talk about your marriage... Tell her which type of husband you want and why. Explain your feelings to her. As much you explain yourself and spend time with her she'll able to know you. and you can also understand her feelings. ALWAYS ASK HER POLITELY and most important HEARTLY.
If u need to talk about this then mail me at "b.jennifer_jenni@yahoo.co.in"
2006-11-12 15:45:06 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just respect her. she doing what she believes will help you in your life. at least she cares. i had to be home by dark until i turned 18 years old. chill. i was raised by my grandparents. she has good ethics and just wants you to be successful in life. most men want a woman that will clean and cook. Successful men look for that kind of discipline in a woman. my fiance does and he runs his own tree service. i do what it takes bc he's the "bread winner" and brings in most the money. listen to your mom she's a smart woman
2006-11-12 14:51:29 · answer #7 · answered by gardener24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem my mom is the same way...but anyways well if your mom is that way she will probably be like that for ever if moms are old fashioned they will always be old fashioned.Talk to her and tell her that it's year 2006 and it ain't what ever year she was born in.Try to ignore her after a while they get tired of blabing their mouth off. Good luck! :)
2006-11-12 14:47:57 · answer #8 · answered by Beautiful Fat Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mom is just trying to raise you the best way she knows how, and yes she would have been raised that way, look at her life and do you see that many things wrong with it. She cares about you, and is concerned about your future, That in my books is what moms do best
2006-11-12 14:42:57 · answer #9 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just hang in there. Are you going to go to an out of state college? Try to, then you can get your freedom.
2006-11-12 14:42:00 · answer #10 · answered by quatrapiller 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋