How do you break your addiction to a person?

Question

I feel like returning to my ex-husband. He was both verbally and physically abusive with me. We have a daughter who lives wtih him in another state.

I don't know how to break my addiction to him. When I think of restarting my life with someone else, I feel guilty about hurting him. I constantly feel that since Ieft I should put the family back together.

He is now sick with different things (high cholesterol, etc) and I feel that its because I have not been there to take care of him.

Yet, now when I talk to him he says that I am "messed up" and not "marriageable material." I have not grown or developed over the years according to him and am not loyal to the family or house. I have to learn to think according to "we" and not just about "me." I don't know right from wrong and am not smart enough to understand the "right" things to do for a family. I am all about money and me and have emotional problems according to him.

I miss being part of a family though.

Answer 1

Oh honey.

You're not addicted to him. You're addicted to being a victim.

Of course you miss being part of a family. I understand that. But the best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is to take a good long look at yourself... and find out why you're so willing to be responsible for other people's problems... and why you're so willing to believe so many bad things about yourself.

So many of us feel so guilty about what we do or don't do with our lives. It's time to stop.

If you can go see a therapist, please do.
There is a wonderful book by Melodie Beattie called, "CoDependent No More." Please read it. It will change your life.

And if you do the work on yourself, you'll find that you don't need to be in toxic relationships anymore.

You only have one life. You deserve to be happy. And you deserve to know that that happiness already lies within you.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Sorry Dear, this guy's not for you. High cholesterol doesn't happen overnight, over time. Not your fault, unless all you ever fed him was fatty fried food when you were together, and still this condition can be hereditary. If he was abusive physically to you, then he needs help. Even if a woman deserves a good smack, It is not proper!! I would only hit a woman if she punched me first, then she is telling me she is no longer a lady, but a man. Also time is a key to this solution you are seeking. How long ago did you break up? I've been through 2 divorces, it hurts everyone each time. Whether civil or abusive. My best recommendation would be to seek real counseling by a licensed council er, sorry not on the Internet. You are messing with you feelings and you future life! This is critical for you. I wish you the best. Gus

Answer 3

The phrase "I feel guilty about hurting him" is what caught my eye. My first question is why he does not feel guilty about hurting you. He has manipulated you so much in your relationship with him you no longer think of yourself. He is blaming you for his faults instead of taking responsibilty for his own. A family is not defined as husband, wife and kids. It could be a support group of friends when you feel vulnerable, that could be your new family. I would first off get your daughter back, do you really want her to grow up thinking how he treats women is ok. He can not hurt you sweetie unless you allow him to plain and simple. You have to take back the contol you have given him. One of the things you said was according to him, is this what you believe? You have to believe that you and your daughter are worth more. Find your self love and respect. Get your daughter back and for her show her that selfworth is not negotiable for anyone.

Answer 4

If you miss being part of a family then you should have your daughter with you, not him. Actually, if he was both physically and verbally abusive to you, why on earth does he have your daughter. Going back to someone who thinks of you the way he does is not a good idea. I suggest counseling. It does wonders. Find a church that you are comfortable with and become a part of that community.

I wish you lots of luck.

Answer 5

Sweetheart, the first paragraph said it all. He sounds like a very abusive guy and likes to tear down people that are weaker than him. I think you need to find yourself a good bible based church and friends who will do anything to keep you away from him and any other bad environments. Do Not!! get involved with anyone that has any kind of connection with your ex. The last thing you need is rumors. Be proud of yourself don't think of yourself as anything less cause you know you are better than you think. Deal with not having him and find a hobby that keeps him out of your mind. Good luck sweetheart.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

He is STILL abusing you, and he now lives in another state. Only YOU can break this cycle. Go out, and meet another man, a nice one, that will love you and be good to you. Together , you can become a family......going back to him would be the worst mistake you ever made. Best of luck to you!!

Answer 8

Honey, you aren't addicted to this man. You are probably suffering from battered wife syndrome. Forget him, stay away, and get the help that you need. If he's said all that stuff to you now, obviously his illness hasn't changed him. And you should try to get custody of your daughter. She is not safe with her father.

Answer 9

How I know my addiction? I cant live with or without him, it...
Any addiction stops with 12 steps. 1) I'm powerless ower him, my life become out of control. 2) came to believe that power grater then me can restore me to sanity. 3) we decided to give my will and my life to Higher power. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8......

Answer 10

u should try 2 forget about him.
he's not worth being sad or confused.
he's wrong about all that stuff.
guy's say stuff like that so u'll go runnning back to him, begging him 2 take u back.
just go on with ur life, and be happy.