Girlfriend always upset?

Question

I do my best not to upset her, but she's most of the time unhappy. We fight and then make up. I love her but I can't take it much longer. We talked about it, she says that i shouldnt upset her anymore. I think she's too spoiled. I know it's our problem and we need to talk and resolve it ourselves, but we already did that and it didn't work. Maybe some of you had experienced something like this and have some advice for me. Thanks

Thank you all for your answers, i got more from these answers as I expected.
I think whitney b and my2cents were closest to the truth..
I know that we have different personalities and the things that I like, she might not. One of our problems is that I'm willing to do something that she likes and I might not, but she does not the other way round.
One other thing is that she's mostly upset because I didn't do what she thought that i will do and if I upset her and I try to make it up she says that she doesn't want to hear about that thing ever again, and gets more frustated.
Of course this is from my point of view. When I try to ask her what's wrong she only says that I shouldn't upset her anymore and that I ought to know what to do not to upset her.
I still hope there is a way to solve this.

Answer 1

Having a serious conversation about this kind of issue isn't suppose to be 10 - 20 min. long. You need to take one evening or something and just talk. Don't just start the conversation with, Why do I upset you all the time?, it may upset her more. Just be casual about it. Start with talking about how your days went or the weather then ease your way into issues in your relationship. Make sure you tell her that this is an issue that NEEDS to get resolved quickly because you're not going to put up with it anymore. When I was having these same issues with my boyfriend ( I always seemed to upset him ) I just sat him down and made him talk. If she doesn't want to talk to you about it or want to fix it for that matter, then you may need to let here go.
Maybe the fear of rejection or losing you will turn it around. Also, have you thought that maybe she is trying to push you away by using this kind of behavior. That's what my boyfriend was doing and I was doing it in another way.

Ask yourself this, has she been hurt by other guys, men in her life? Has she had any difficult relationships in the past that could cause her to be wanting to push you away? Are her parents divorced? All of these could be reasons why she might be ruining the relationship. But remember, she may not be knowingly pushing you away. It can be caused by a sub-conscious fear of getting hurt. I know this all sounds crazy but I've been there and now my relationship is fine. Just be careful, don't get hurt because you are trying to help someone else. But don't hurt her just because of this either. Be open minded and listen to what she says.

Answer 2

There have been several good responses to your question so I'll only add a few things. My first thought is "displaced anger". If she's not happy with the relationship, she will find a way to get mad at you. Most people are not honest with themselves so they will look for excuses to blame you for their own issues. Do you think that she may be doing this so that you will break up with her? Think about it.

"Spoiled" is a relative term and is just not very descriptive. To you she may be spoiled in that she always get's her way but whose to say that you're right? I think what is important is not who is right and wrong but the inability of one or the other to see the both sides of the argument. That leads to understanding and respect in a relationship.

Answer 3

If you can see yourself possibly marrying her, than I would suggest that you all get some kind of counseling. Let there be a mediator so you two can work things out and see what is the root of all her unhappiness. If you dont see yourself having a future - love her or not - you need to leave because it sounds as if she doesn't appreciate you being there and if someone doesn't want you there, whats the use of you being there? :)

Answer 4

Life if too short to deal with someone who brings you down.
It may seem like the end of the world to break up now, but I don't remember anything about any of my ex -girlfriends.
Set yourself free, find someone who adds to your life.
I promise in a few years she'll be a memory.
Don't stay with her for her either. It's your life. You have to see the world from your own eyes for the rest of your life. Take control.

Answer 5

Compared to your situation, I was the girl....and I wasn't happy and I made my boyfriend put up with alot, until I broke it off. For me, after the "honey-moon" stage, things changed. To be honest, I started to see clearly, and realzed my boyfriend was very selfish, jealous, and I realized that I couldn't open up to him, and I felt like he took advantage of what I gave to the relationship. He told me that he loved me, but he never showed me. I eventually pushed him away, and I was no longer excited to see him. And we fought all of the time, because I never felt like he supported me or understood me. He made me feel guilty about most of the decisions I'd make. I knew that I didn't want to be with him when I started to think about what it would be like to be with someone else. Gotta say, its not worth it, at least to me. I might have given my boyfriend a second chance if he apoligized, and tried to make a change with the way he treated me, but unstead, he blamed me. But that was my relatiosnhip.
My advice for your stiuation. Talk to your girl. Tell her point blank how you feel. If you are more open with her, then she'll tend to be more honest with you. Maybe she's acting the way she is, hoping to push you away so you break up with her so that she doesn't feel guilty when you do. The only way to figure it out is to talk with her. If you want to still be with her, remind her that you love her. Treat her to her favourtie restaurant and take her to a play or something else that she likes to remind her that you love her. Take her on a hot air ballooon ride, or make her a picnic at a park. Try to spice up your relationship, cause honestly, she might just be bored.
Good luck!

Answer 6

I am certain you are feeling some stress from this. Perhaps you should separate for awhile, give things a rest and get back together after a few months?

Answer 7

Tell her she might need to go see a doctor and get some happy pills.

Answer 8

Sounds like there is a definite personality conflict..
Break up and find a more compatible g/f...

Answer 9

I had a relationship just like this. All I can say is leave her. That's best.

Answer 10

Maybe she needs Professional Help .