What do u do when your own dad hurts you?

Question

to me having a dad that calls you a retard is so ******* wrong i always think this is a dad......i dont think so i could live on my own and make it through. When you hate both your parents and your friends giving up there's nothing to do at all besides cry until you cry too much and choke

Answer 1

Oh baby,

I'm so sorry that you have to feel that kind of pain in your own home. I had a rough relationship with my dad, but I always knew that my mom loved me a lot.

Do you have anyone else who's a close adult in your life that you can lean close to for emotional support and love? A grandmother or aunt or something? Being a teen is hard enough as it is without having to feel all that pain alone. You need someone whose arms you can cry in, who'll help you hang in there until you're old enough to be on your own.

Let me just stress that you're really not old enough to be on your own yet. If you're still in school, you need to have a roof that you live under that you don't have to pay for, and food to eat, and a place to study, instead of having to work to make a living. It sounds easy, but I left home when I was 18 and still in high school, and it was hard!! I was SO happy when my parents asked me back. I was away for a little over a month I think, and I appreciated home a lot more than before when I went back.

Do you think your parents would let you live with someone else? Maybe with one of your friends?

My dad called me names and it hurt. I don't know if, overall, you don't like them because they have rules you don't want to live by, and are good at disciplining you and you don't like being told what to do, or they've got problems as parents and don't care for you properly.

Sweetie, it is our job as parents to discipline and make rules. You know, do you homework, would you unload the dishwasher, etc. But if you're dealing with abuse, then maybe there are other solutions.

I have two kids who are teenagers, and I've been one. It's not easy. Email me anytime you want to talk. I love you, kiddo, and there are lots of people like me who are ready to care for you close to where you live. You just have to look around and figure out who they are and make sure they're trustworthy.

Hugs, pretty girl. You deserve tender loving care. Always.

Answer 2

Oh love. Reach out and feel yourself cuddled. You deserve better than this and you can find it, trust me. There isn't any rule that says that you have to love your parents or vice-versa, and it sounds as if all the misery they've heaped on you has made you close off towards your friends.

You need to find one or two supporting or supportive adults. If you're still at school, is there a school counsellor? Or a trusted pastor who isn't off the rails and can be trusted with your family secrets? An aunt or uncle, older sibling, or the local branch of The Samaritans - they're not just for people who are suicidial, their mission is 'to befriend.' You can phone them or you may be able to go into their offices and talk with them. That's what they're for (and it's why those of us with spare money should include them in our giving).

It sounds as if today you've hit a pretty desperate low. Can you get out of the house safely and spend some time with a friend? They won't all have given up on you. Then I think you need to draw up a plan of action, and this is where you need your trusted friend who's older than you are. If you need to leave home, you don't have to live on your own. Can you look for a job that has live-in accomodation (and some potential built-in friends, or at least a community?). A job where you could care for other people, provided that it wasn't too emotionally demanding, might be the right thing for you now, because if you give love it tends to get returned. You can use one of those messaging services that will tell your parents that you're OK but you don't want to reveal your address or have contact.

Then maybe when you've got some space (time, distance, emotion) between yourself and your parents, you might give some thought to why they're so unhappy.

What NOT to do: run away with a boyfriend (that's a certain recipe for exploitation); run away to a big city where you don't know anybody (that's a pretty certain way to find yourself on the streets); and don't for Heaven's sake turn to drugs - preferably not even anti-depressants. I send you a great deal of love and I will keep thinking about you and wishing you well.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you are going through that. It really doesn't sound fair.

Don't say you hate your parents though; they are your only parents and when they are gone, you will miss them.

Try talking to your mom about it - what you guys really need is counseling becasue it sounds like your dad may have anger issues.

When I was growing up, I was very stubborn and my dad and I butted heads a lot!!!! I mean a LOT. We, as a family, did go through counseling, and it helped a little.

My dad died about three years ago, and I miss him so much I could scream. I really feel like I got cut short having my dad die when I was just 22 years old with a three week old baby.

What I wouldn't give to spend time with him...

When my dad died, and we were going through his things, I found a letter I had written him when I was 7 years old...after we were in a fight about something, just apologizing and telling him how much I loved him.

He kept that letter in his wallet for 15 years and I had no idea. Even when I was in high school and we would get in the biggest fights, he still had this little letter I had written him. I had no idea he loved me as much as he did until it was too late.

Make sure your dad knows you love him and try to respect him. If you let him know how he's making you feel, maybe you could both try to work together so you don't wake up one day and realize you never took advantage of having a dad.

Answer 4

Kala, sounds like a typical teenager. But you know you really love your parents. Sometimes parents can get really frustrated as well, they are people too. And when they start running out of answers, they can sometimes lose there cool, just like we do. Kala, your parents do love you very much...they want things for you to happen in your life that they themselves did not have oppurtunity for in there's when they were fresh into the world. Your Dad, used to be your hero, when were young (hopefully), as you get older and you start becoming more of an individual, you start having opinions that can truly differ from your parents ideals. Its ok to have these opinions and ideals in your life, but Kala, you are young and full of vigor and you have your whole life ahead of you. Even though your parents,(dad), doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense, its his life that has kept you out of harms way, he is your protector and it is not only his responsibility, but his obligation to make sure you have at least the fundamentals in the few short years that he has with you (until you are 18) to make sure that when you go out into the big big world that you can make decisions that will make you and not break you. So, don't sweat the small stuff and try and look at the big picture (your life). My dad called me a retard to when I was young, but you know he still loves me. And he's my step father, but he's more of a father to me, then my biological father ever was. Good luck and I hope everything works out the best for you and your dad.

Answer 5

we all have promblems and we all have our own ways to solve them. Your dad calls you a retard he probably is going through something but I wouldn't say that you hate both parents I used to get into it so much with my family members but then I realized life is to short. My mom we got into arguements and I said things that I regret but I apologized and you know she died and I wish everyday that I would have talked to her more you know like I use to. Now I hear people say how they can't stand there parents and I tell them all the same thing, "you never know what you have until its gone." I know right now you dislike your dad because he treats you wrong but how would you feel if he just passed God forbid but think about that. And as for the crying everyone have there ways of getting through there issues and if crying helps that is good but don't cry until you can't breathe and then it is also called communication you have to talk to someone a boyfriend or girlfriend and friend a family member or just a teacher anyone you can and if you need to you can talk to me but pray about it that is the biggest and the best thing that you can do. So good luck and I hope you feel better but remember you don't face your problems by running from them or blocking them out you deal with them you try to figure out what's wrong why your dad says what he says talk to him do whatever you need to to deal with your pain and talk to your mom about him anyone you can so good luck and take care

Answer 6

i think that you are over reacting. by reading you might be thinking that i am saying so as i havenot faced such situation but listen what i say and do it practically. when your dad says you retard then think why he is calling you so.either you might have done something wrong or you might have opposed him else no one in this world says retarded unless they are affected.so dear you might be wrong somewhere.ask him why he calls you so and try to clear out his wrong thinking for you. and next time thenn too he calls you so then at that time say if you think that i am retarded then free me up. then you live your life by your own means but dont take any wrong judgement that your parents are wrong. now you might be hating me but later you will be thanking me. just try it once and if nothing works then you can do whatever you want. dont cry. people cry when they try and lose. u havent tried so try and then thank me. take care and pls dear be confident.life looks good if you see it with your good heart good thoughts in mind. i will pray for you. all the best.

Answer 7

Just stay calm when he does this just ignore it. And never let him no that ur crying because then he will just want to do it more. I bet u sometimes think of commiting suicide but dont. I dont no how old you r but if u have a counceler at your school u should talk to him/her. It might help. Maybe him/her will notify someone and they will take ur parents away and bring u to a better family.

Answer 8

I know how you feel. My dad was always like that. If you are old enough to leave, I would leave. I would get a job or save money and get moved out. If you arent old enough, avoid being around them. I would stay in my room as much as possible so i didnt have to go through the abuse. Good luck.

Answer 9

Prove your Dad wrong. First of all, he should NEVER say something so degrading to his own daughter. He feels bad about himself and is picking on YOU. Keep busy...go to school, work, volunteer. The more you do for yourself, the better you will feel, and the less he will pick. He might just be jealous of some aspect of your life. Maybe he wants ot be young again, maybe he failed at something and does not want you to succeed.....which a parent should NEVER want for their child. Just keep busy and that will keep you away from your mentally abusive father.

Answer 10

Move away from them when you are old enough,start a new life for yourself somewhere new. No parent should speak to their children that way that is called verbal and emotional abuse. I don't know how old you are but, if you are over 18 get out of there, the emotional scars sometimes last a lifetime.