he was a total A hole in our marriage. now he want to try again? should i give him a second chance or just tell him its too late...
2006-11-12 04:02:17 · 16 answers · asked by bluestar 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he meant it, it would have already happened!
The old cliche says a leopard doesn't change his spots. You have already given him 2 chances. The first when you got together/married, the second when you told him things weren't working out. He obviously didn't change then. So why would you want to put yourself in a place where the probability of being hurt again seems about 100%?
Do you really need any man so bad that you would gamble with those odds? Treat yourself better than he treated you and move on to better things. You deserve it.
2006-11-12 04:08:51 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went threw this same thing with my x husband. He himself was a total A shortly after we got married. I could not tell you how many times that I walked out on that man in high hopes that he would change. Every time that I left him he would call me and tell me how much he loved me and that if I would give him another chance that he would change. I would go back and he would be as good as gold for a week or so and then right back to the same old crap. I ended up leaving him for good 17 years later.
Then I met another man, he started out being good to me, then like my x when started being an A. I left him after being with him for a year. He too called and asked to give him another chance. I did not want to go threw this stuff again. So what I told him was, lets take things slow this time around.....YOU prove to me that you have changed and that you really do love me. During the first 6 months that we were apart, he would be good and then mess up, be good and then mess up. Just about the time that he thought I was coming back is when he would mess up and I would run the other way. He soon realized that I MEANT business and that if he wanted me he had to stay good. A year later he has been a very good guy and has not messed up any. It took a year to make a believer out of him. So they CAN change IF they want to bad enough.
If he wants you bad enough he WILL change. But at the same time, I would tell him this IS his last chance....there will be no more chances at all. If I had the chance myself to go back in time with my x husband, he sure would not have gotten as many chances as I gave him. I would have done him like the one I have now.
2006-11-12 04:28:06 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you still love this man, there is nothing wrong with giving second chances. but it depends on what it was that he did wrong. also, if you decide to give him another chance you need to make him prove that he has changed before getting to involved with him again.go back to dating and things like that with him. see how that goes first. you may realize that he is not the person you want to be with. you might think that right now, because your are lonely.if he is not willing to take things slow by asking you out for dates and getting to know the new changed man. then i would say leave things go.
2006-11-12 04:07:49 · answer #3 · answered by here to help 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweety, your saying what he want's! Your not saying what YOU want!!
If he was an ahole, why would you want to put yourself back through that?
If I were you, I'd insist on counseling sessions. REGULAR ones. If he went with no problem, then he might, really might be wanting to change and find the causes he was an ahole.
Make a list on what YOU want if all of this is to re-happen in your life. Pro's and Con's.
IF you get back together have already discussed what YOU expect and want from it in order for it to work. ( If you were a guy, I'd be telling him the same).
2006-11-12 04:10:27 · answer #4 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hello,
well i have been through this 3 times with my x and sorry to say but he didn't change any thing and he was very controlling and an a** hole....and when they come back for a little while you will see him doing good and then over time they just go back to their old ways when they get comfortable...so i personaly wouldn't take him back because hen he thinks that he will always have you under his thumb.....or wraped around his pinky finger...the sad thing is us as women feel sorry for him and still truely love them but they never change....and i know down inside you probably still have love for him or you wouldn't be asking us....but for the most part you need to ask your self is it really worth the heart ache????it wasn't for me and now i regret putting my children through it.....and if you do have children hen really think if its worth them seeing him treat you like crap...and if they are girls think on how you would want them to be treated by men in their life????good luck
2006-11-12 08:09:17 · answer #5 · answered by wendy p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him a chance cause if it was possible i would go back to my previous marriage and change what i did
So give him a chance but he must be really reallyl making the effort
2006-11-12 04:18:17 · answer #6 · answered by David R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him to ask again when he has changed,,not going to change,,,he wants you back or he doesnt,,if he does he will be able to show you just how much he has changed,wont he.it failed once it could fail again and you made the break which wont have been an easy decision, so make him work for you that way you can make an informed decision on what you actually see in him and not just what he tells you.
2006-11-12 04:09:00 · answer #7 · answered by lex 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say it's too late. There's plenty of guys out there that would treat you right from the start. BUT...I'm sure you'll let him in again so...
Make him change FIRST.
Start from scratch...dating for a while before you actually re-commit.
2006-11-12 04:06:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Has he changed ? Totally ?
Has he been through counseling for being an "A hole" and have shown through time that he has changed...........totally ?
If not, why even entertain the though ?
2006-11-12 04:07:56 · answer #9 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
listen tell him 3 months is long enough to without a change -
you'll have to be strong and tell him to remove his underwear - you can even help him.
tell him a shower might be good too - explain that change is good
and most people do in fact chage their undies at least once week if not more
2006-11-12 04:06:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋