i'm a 30 year old single mom from detroit, and i would love to date because i do get lonely at times for companionship, not neccessarily sex, but just to have someone to hang out with and enjoy different activities, like bowling, movies, going to an art museum. i would like someone who isn't afraid of learning new things with me. i'm not this ghetto-type of baby mama. hell i have a college degree in business administration. i 've worked hard. but why is it so difficult to find a guy to look past the stereotypes that come with being a single mother? Someone help me please?
2006-11-12 03:37:15 · 24 answers · asked by n s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First, put yourself in a guy's shoes. What does he see when he looks at you and your children? You are educated. Good. What kind of home do you keep? Are your children well behaved or are you scolding at them when he is vying for your attention? Are you defensive about your kids and automatically assume a guy won't want them for his step children? It may put ideas in his mind he didn't already have. Is the idea of sharing a life with you appealing?
Are you equally open to dating a man with children? Dealing with his kids, his ex-wife, his life that now includes you? How do you feel about that?
I've never done it myself, but I've had friends who found that special person on match.com or e-harmony. You might try that. Your cards are on the table from the get-go. If you really are mainly looking for a bowling buddy etc...join a league. that way you have something in common before you even meet.
Good Luck,
2006-11-12 03:57:00 · answer #1 · answered by Californiamama 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand exactly what you are going through...my partner of three years left me when I was 5 months pregnant, and after being depressed for a while I realised it was for the best, why would I want a man like that in my life anyway.... It took me a while to open up to guys again, I was so afraid of being hurt but I realised that not all guys are jerks and eventually started dating again. I have always been up front about being a single mum and always stressed that my baby would always always come first no matter what and most guys are really cool about it and some others run for the door but I guess its all trial and error. It took a while but eventually I found the man of my dreams and my son absolutely adores him as well and now calls him "Dad". So keep your chin up, its going to be hard and don't be afraid to ask people for help, but I promise that you will find someone that will love you and your baby!
2016-05-22 07:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off congrats my hat goes off to a real woman who handles her business despite having kids and upholding her standards as a lady. Society portrays single mothers as loose with no morals and men think women who have kids from a previous relationship or marriage are looking for someone to take care of them and the children. Society also tells people that you should only deal with people who have themselves together and are not saddled with "baggage". Each situation is different and my best friend has two children by her ex bf/fiance and the man she's been dating for the past 5 years has been more of a father to the kids than their birth father has and he was reluctant at first, but he grew to love the kids over time. It's possible, but what a man has to realize is that he has to love not only you but your kids too and it's a full package deal.
2006-11-12 05:33:26 · answer #3 · answered by nabdullah2001 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's because of what your showing them/telling them.But how can a man truly want or love you without loving the kids?How does he stay with you when your kids won't respect him? These are some of the things we hear about dating women with children.So it's not about what kind of degree you have,the money you have,if you work,if you work hard.It's the children you have what will you do to keep me and them happy.And how do you break down those walls?At some time you put us in the position were you have to choose between them and me,Sure you pick your kids,i would to,but look at here it leaves me.I've lost all this time,that I've invested in you,the love i gave for nothing to you and your kids and now I'M out in the cold having to start over again because of something i had no control over and no say in.Break down those kind of walls and you'll find the happiness you seek.These are some of the problems we face(men)when dating women with children.
2006-11-12 03:55:59 · answer #4 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men, at the best of times, are freaked out by being a dad. They don't want to become an instant dad. Most of the time, they think you are searching for someone to replace your baby's father, not to have a companion. Eventually, you will find someone who isn't afraid, but it will take time. Maybe try online dating on somewhere like plentyoffish.com. You can put in your profile that you have a baby and that will help weed out some of the scaredy cats! Best of luck!
2006-11-12 04:52:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Men don't have the maternal instinct that women do. So, getting into a relationship that involve children is hard on us for a number of reasons. The kids take most of your time..as it should be, but we want more time with you. If the child acts up, we don't have any control..we can't discipline them that's your area, and we're men we don't "tattle". we also find it hard, no matter how much we love you or your kids, to be responsible for kids that aren't of our own loins. You asked..sorry those are the reasons...I find it hard being a single dad to find a date for the same reason, except that women are worse, they are very selfish and tell you that right off. You have kids? forget it they want ALL your time and must be the CENTER of your world. They also say, but if you leave them for me I won't respect you anymore. How about that catch 22???
2006-11-12 03:45:57 · answer #6 · answered by flashpro 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I can only speak for myself, but it's hard enough to negotiate the hurdles associated with any romantic relationship----let-alone those added with the presence of a child from a previous relationship. It means there's probably less private time available. It means having to deal with (at least on some small, indirect level) the father of the child----even if only to listen to the mother vent about situations that arise with him from time to time. And should the romance with the mother cease, the relationship created with the child is probably lost too. That's a double-whammy. Double the hurt. Yes, many men are sensitive in this way. Finally, it's hard for some men who plan to have family of their own---or who have kids of their own from a previous relationship---to conceive fitting in another man's child in said plans. Whether that's fair or not is irrelevant----feelings are feelings, you know?
2006-11-12 03:46:13 · answer #7 · answered by C J 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm a female and this is just my opinion but I think they see a couple of problems...
may fall in love and doesn't want to be responsible for your kids
doesn't want the restrictions because of the kids
doesn't want to become attached to the kids or the kids with him
he doesn't want a woman who has already experienced what he hasn't yet.
When I was dating I never dated a guy with kids or had been married before.
2006-11-12 03:42:35 · answer #8 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Some guys just arent ready for that type of relationship, i.e., they're not mature enough to handle that sort of situation.
Me, on the other hand, seem to be attracted to single moms... 3 out of my last 4 girlfriends have been single moms!
2006-11-12 03:41:18 · answer #9 · answered by Wedding Crasher 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Lots of men are scared of falling hard for a woman and getting stuck with raising another man's kid/s, but then, when he finds out how great you AND your kids are, he goes all the way....
(in a perfect world)
You could always lie and get the hook set, THEN let him meet the little darlings.
2006-11-12 04:21:30 · answer #10 · answered by Trump 2020 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋