Do you forgive a man that cheats on you with six women?

Question

Do you forgive a man that cheats on you six times in a 20 year marriage? Can it be saved. What if you just found out about all of them and the current one at the same time? What if there are two kids involved? 13 and 16. Can counseling help?

Answer 1

6 times in 20 years???? That 1 time every 3.3333 years. I would forgive him as he's walking out the front door with his suitcases in hand never to return.

Answer 2

Oh, how sad. Sure, you can forgive him. That, you can always do, when the time is right. The question isn't whether you can forgive him but whether you can stay married to him, and the answer to that depends on several factors. Sometimes, the betrayal is just too much, and there's no way to put things back together. Other times, things can be repaired with counselling and a lot of work. I'd say six affairs in a 20 year marriage would be difficult for most people to get past. If I were in this situation, I would seek counselling for myself right away to help me sort things out.

Answer 3

Maybe you feel so guilty and sad because you are part of a relationship that has failed. But, you have NOT failed. He failed you. You are right, you do need to move out and move on. No one could blame you for waiting until after finals before moving out. Christmas might be hard now, but there's no point in pretending before Christmas when you know you'll be leaving right after. It is not okay for you to be treated this way. You deserve respect. You will find a great guy. Don't worry. Be strong, let him go and don't look back. You can do this! Keep your chin up, okay? As for the holiday, try getting back to your family or hang out with friends for Christmas, play carols, do some holiday baking and cooking, or volunteer at the soup kitchen. There are ways to fill Christmas that will help you make positive memories even in the midst of your pain. Good luck! :-)

Answer 4

WOW This sounds so familiar. You are going to hear from all sorts of people that 'men are pigs' and 'leopards cant change their spots' so throw the bum out. In a lot of cases this is so true and it might be in your case but there is hope. I was very much like your husband. Been there done that. I don't cheat now and never will again. But it takes a serious awakening and re-commitment to yourself not just to your loved ones. Thankfully I found the church at that point in my life and became a totally different person. unfortunately my wife still left and now my girlfriend get the benefit of my monogamous ways. my ex-wife still says I am a much better man now and she agrees that counsel ling may have helped if she had been willing to try. She just didnt have it in her at that point. What it comes down to is has your husband gone through any serious change because of this? Has he learned the value of what he has? Has he seen the damage he does and committed himself to never doing that again? If so , if he truly has and is not just saying so to protect financial intrests, you might be able to save your marriage. My suggestion is to seek out a pastor or priest or some sort of counsellor to help YOU.

Answer 5

You should not decide by other`s point of view. 20yrs marriage, a worthy relationship, you give your kids good care, help them in their studies personally. Forgive him, never hard if you are committed. He is father of your kids. If you keep thinking his mistakes as big ones, will give you pain, other option that I mentioned above will make you happy. I am sure you are very able to handle the situation. Result will be good. At times you can remind him with easy mood... "Hey! its wrong, I feel bad." Arguments wont help you so never do that. Promise with yourself
to save your marriage. I am not justifying his mistakes, its wrong.
Same time I guess, he is good guy...just a little weakness in him.
None is perfect.

Answer 6

I don't think you should forgive him. One time OK maybe but six times obviously there is something missing in your relationship that he isn't getting. I don't think counseling will help. I know everyone says it but i do truly believe it once a cheater always a cheater. It would be better for your kids and you to leave. He could come home with some disease and give it to you.

Answer 7

Yes, you can forgive (a good thing) because it is healing for you; but, and I mean a big BUT, that doesn't mean he is in your house. The best thing that could happen to this man is to ask him to leave immediately. It is the best choice for your 13 and 16 year also. It teaches them huge lessons in life:

1. Dad made a bad choice. Bad choices bring sorrows. Dad chose to bring our family sorrow and suffering.

2. It is not OK to treat Mom with lies and disrespect. She deserves and must be respected. Dad did not respect Mom; therefore he does not have the privilege of being in the home.

3. Counseling, in this case, will only prolong the suffering and inevitable outcome.

Bite the bullet and do what is best for all of you. Yes, you are sad, the children are sad, but they and you are also resilient and strong and you can make a new life together. They will see an example of a Mom who is strong and able to weather the difficult events of life. You will be a pattern for them in years to come in how to make it through a life's difficult situation.

A bad apple in the basket will spoil the rest. Do you want that for your children?

Answer 8

Why? He isn't going to change, if he's been a player for 20 years of marriage. Divorce the slimy cheater, and take as much of the assets as possible. You are better off by yourself, than with a lying, low life cheat. As for counseling- to what end? Sure, he'd have some "breakthrough" and vow to change. Then, he'd cheat again. Save the effort and stress- and boot Sperm boy to the curb.

Answer 9

You can try, only if he is willing too. There is a saying, once a cheater, always a cheater, so you have that to contend with. When I found out that my 18 year marriage was crowded, I about vomited in his face. As the weeks went on, the very thought of making love to this man who had shared his body and soul with another woman was revolting beyond anything I could describe here.....You may be different. I was the best thing that ever happened to this guy, and he tossed us aside....I was crushed, but angry as well....... Some marriages survive... But you said this guy has cheated 6 times....... good god...!

Marriage is: Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust. When the trust is gone, everything usually erodes with it......it takes at least 2 years with help to even try to get it back. Didn't think it was worth it. I left ,moved to another state, we sold everything , divorced, he went his was, I went mine, we remained friends, but Geez never wanted him back as a husband. Found the sweetie who treats me like a princess. It is lovely to be in love again, and to go to sleep in the arms of the man you adore, and who adores you.........

You have to decide if you could ever again regain your trust for him..... and only you know what your feelings are.....Life is short -- too short to be miserable Good luck, sweetie....

Answer 10

I have to tell you I know what you are going through,and it really sucks!There is really no one word that would cover the pain.I did forgive my husband three different times and he just did it again,so I would say no as hard as it is to let him go he will not change.mine thought he could do anything because I would always let him come back,that really hurt me and my six year old son .So as of a week ago he is gone and im trying yet again to move on.Please dont put yourself and your children through the constant pain,deal with this pain and move on .If you would like to talk you can email me ,lord knows i need all the help i can get .