Is there any way to get the desire to be physical back?

Question

I love my fiance, we even have our second child on the way now. For the past year or so my sexual desire for him goes down more and more. I still find him attractive. He is a good honest family man, and I love him for that, he just doesn't please me in the bedroom... I have tried telling him exactly what he can do to turn me on, but he'll do it like once, if even that, and go back to his selfish lovemaking. we don't french kiss/make out. He never touches me, except "down there" when he wants to get it on. I know this would be a topic better discussed with him and not strangers, but I have tried so many times and he just wont make the effort. It's not because I am pregnant, either, because it was like this long before then. I just wish there was a way to get him to please me, and want to please him. Can you get that flame back once it has gone out? I am only 22 years old. I should have many years of happy lovemaking ahead of me!

Answer 1

You're right, you are young so why should you have to give that up so early!

Why don't you try bringing toys into the bedroom. A little stimulation from a toy while he is commencing his "selfish lovemaking" will help satisfy you and him at the same time.

It may even perk him up a little bit and get him out of his routine if he sees your ready and willing to try fresh tactics.

There are some great toys out there and they do help to break up the monotony of lovemaking with the same person year after year...especially once you have kids; it's not like you can do it any where, anytime...it's pretty much in the same place starting the same way at the same time of day everytime; you may not be able to control the fact that the only time you can do it is when you're in your bedroom and the kids are asleep, but, you can spice it up a bit once you're there.

Answer 2

22 years old with 1 child and one on the way. It sounds more like he's trying to hurry up and get it over with. I don't know either of you personally, but I would guess that despite how great you make things sound outside the bedroom, there are some issues there also.

It may be a good idea to talk to him one day when your watching something really dull on tv and tell him plainly how you are feeling and why. Straight talk, directly, not hems, haws and hints. Listen carefully to his response. If you listen carefully, you will know exactly what to do.

Answer 3

I am in the same boat. While my wife and I have a great marriage, there is almost zero sex. She blames the fact that she is tired from work and the kids. I would buy this, but I work more hours and spend equal time with the kids. Not to mention I do most of the housework (Indoor/Outdoor). All I am asking is for a little something a few days a week. As long as its been, it shouldn't take too long. lol

Answer 4

Wow, do know where you are at!! I love my husband too. And we have been married for 6 years now, and we are both in our 40's. But love making has been extremely schetchy since we got together. We have even has long periods of time that we haven't even had sex. (like 2 years) And yes I know about the only touching you in one area, and only when "in progress" I am not answering because I have advice. I am answering to let you know that you are not alone. Some men are so selfish. As for your question, I sincerely hope that it can be regained. because I would hate to think of living my life without sex in it for the rest of my life. i will check this question again to see what other answers you get.

Answer 5

If he doesnt want to please you, then just tell him that he isnt going to get any until he cares about your needs too. Maybe u r just not into him as much as you used to be, most couples are like that after a while. If you dont fix this problem now, then you prolly wont be together with him for much longer, you still have your whole life to be with him, and you wont be happy with him being so selfish all the time.

Answer 6

Yours in not that uncommon a problem..
He is just being lazy, thoughtless, uncaring and self centered..
He must understand and appreciate the seriousness of his actions.
He can either continue and risk serious damage to the relationship leading to infidelity or divorce, or both , or he can start putting that same effort into his lovemaking that he used in the beginning.
Either you can tell him this or a marriage counselor can tell him this or you can read him my answer...
Good luck...

Answer 7

I'm more or less in the same boat. My husband, however, likes things "dirty"....I do not. I pretend just to please him, and I just can't wait until it is over. I think it is really taking a toll on the way I feel towards him. I often wonder if I really do love him anymore?? You should suggest to him to see a sex therapist together, and both of you can get some outside suggestions together and both focus on what you both need and want. Good luck!

Answer 8

Something Specially
For You

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.

By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra

Answer 9

You probably don't feel sexual because of the pregnancy. For each woman it is different. When you're nursing, you may feel even less physical/sexual. Your fiance needs to be patient. Then when you are done nursing, the two of you need to work on your relationship again.

Answer 10

Forget the theropist. Tell him what you want before he gets any. take control and demand what you want before he gets what he wants. better to do this sooner than later and be unhappy longer.